


Let No Man Put Asunder

by Elenduen



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, Justice League (2017), Smallville, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Any Trolls that comment will either be ignored or made fun of, Avengers Age of Ultron Fix-it, Bat Family, Captain America The Winter Soldier Fix-it, Damian is a brat, Deranged Joker, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Good Person Lex Luthor, Homophobic Language, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Not Canon Compliant, Not Pietro Maximoff Friendly, Past relationship Tony/Bruce, Pregnant Sex, Pregnant Tony Stark, Superhero Lex, Surrogate, Teams as a family, Unwanted Sexual Advances, no civil war, not wanda maximoff friendly, sentient household appliances, superhero wedding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2020-05-12 00:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 77,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19217911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elenduen/pseuds/Elenduen
Summary: Lex and Clark are getting married and they want to start a family. However Clark is an alien and he's an Alpha where Lex is a male beta, so they need a surrogate. They turn to Lex's longtime friend Tony, who agrees to carry the baby.If being pregnant weren't crazy enough, he's pulled back into the Avenger's when Steve calls from DC with an emergency regarding project Insight, and then there's the wedding which will be attended by Bruce Wayne, the Alpha Tony hasn't seen in nearly ten years.Of course, Bruce is now Bat Man and has a pack of children, one of which is his by blood. While the two have mellowed somewhat over the years old feelings rise to the surface as they come back into each others orbit, especially as the Avengers and Justice League form a tentative partnership, which becomes very much needed as new enemies arise.





	1. Chapter 1

New York

 

Clark’s fingers drummed a nervous beat on the dash board of the Lamborghini as the car idled in the midtown traffic. 

“Come on,” Lex murmured, scowling at the cars in front of them that weren’t moving an inch. One thing that never changed in New York was the wall to wall traffic in Midtown. The beating of Clark’s fingers drew his attention and he glanced over at his fiancé, raised one pale eyebrow at the dents being left in the dash board. 

“Could you stop that before you trash the car completely?” 

“Hm?” Clark glanced up from looking out the window at the pedestrians, looking to Lex who nodded at the dented dash board, “Oh, sorry!” He said sheepishly, and pulled his hands into his lap, “I guess I’m kind of nervous.”

“Yeah,” Lex said, pressing his foot down on the accelerator and moving the car forward a few inches, “Me too.” He gazed at his left hand and the shining diamond that adorned it. Clark had probably spent a good years worth of his meagre wages as a reporter on that beautiful engagement ring, which he insisted on buying himself, rather than letting Lex pay for it. At least he was letting Lex pay for the wedding that would be taking place in six months time, which was part of the reason he and Clark were in New York that day. 

With Lionel thankfully dead, Lex had no family left, (Not that he’d have invited his Father to his wedding anyway) but he did want someone to give him away. Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne were the closest he had ever had to brothers, in fact they had been Father Figures to him over the years since they had met when he was thirteen at the Luthor Christmas Party, when he’d been grieving over his Mother’s recent death and working on giving himself alcohol poisoning. 

Tony had found him almost unconscious clutching a bottle of scotch in the cloak room and sobbing into someone’s mink coat. Instead of going to get a servant or God forbid Lionel, Tony had gone to get Bruce who had picked the drunken pre-teen up into his arms and carried him to his bedroom. 

They had stripped Lex out of his tux and put him into his pyjama’s. Tony had gotten some toast and a cup of cocoa from the kitchen for Lex to eat and drink, and a good litre of water which he left on the bedside table in case Lex began to get sick, which he did, about an hour later, spending the next two hours throwing up into the toilet with the two Billionaires rubbing his back and holding his hand as he puked and sobbed. 

Once his stomach had settled the brushed his teeth and gave him as much water as he could hold before putting him back to bed and staying with him right through to the following morning, spending the night on his bedroom floor. 

That had been the start of a friendship which had lasted Twenty Years. 

Although sadly the same could not be said for Tony and Bruce’s relationship, which had fallen apart in a blaze of fiery arguments and drunken fights. 

It saddened Lex that his two best friends were no longer together, hadn’t been since 95, and for the longest time couldn’t be in the same hemisphere as each other. Then Bruce disappeared for seven years, not showing up again until 2005. Lex had briefly hoped that Tony and Bruce might get back together then, when they’d both helped him take over Luthorcorp and keep the company from going under with Lionel’s first arrest and imprisonment, (Which the bastard had wriggled out of) 

But Bruce had been too focused on becoming Bat Man and Tony had been completely under Stane’s thumb, which hadn’t changed until the two faced asshole had tried to kill his Godson forcing Tony to kill him and reveal himself as Iron Man. 

Since then Tony had turned his life around completely, fighting against Vanko and the idiot Hammer, then joining the Avengers stopping Loki’s invasion of Chitauri, and just a few months ago taking down Killian and AIM. 

Tony did know about Clark and Lex’s superhero identities. He’d made Lex his first custom designed Kevlar Dragonfly suit when Lex had decided to join Clark in fighting evil. Although where Superman was named as a hero, Dragonfly was put down as a vigilante like Bat Man. 

Although that had changed after Bat Man and Superman had teamed up with Wonder Woman to stop Doomsday. That monster had nearly killed Clark and he’d been severely injured, requiring several weeks to heal, which was why he hadn’t been able to fight Loki and the Chitauri. 

Maybe one day Iron Man would fight along side Superman and Dragonfly, but that wasn’t the reason Lex and Clark were in New York to see Tony, that was something far more personal and nerve wracking. Even more so than asking Tony to give him away, that was something Lex was sure Tony would do, even though it would mean that he and Bruce would have to see each other again for the first time in nearly ten years as Bruce was to be Lex’s best man. 

The main reason He and Clark were seeing Tony was to ask him to do something incredible for them. Something that as an Alpha and a Male Beta they could not do alone. 

To have a baby for them.

 

*****

 

Stark Tower 

 

Tony grinned as Jarvis announced Lex and Clark’s arrival. Patting Butterfingers, he rose from his stool and headed for the door, nearly tripping over Dumm-E’s latest mess, “I swear to God you are hopeless.” He chided the bot who beeped sadly at him, while YOU splattered the walls with his latest attempted at blending something that looked vaguely toxic. 

“Hold down the fort guys, don’t set fire to anything, and I’ll be back soon.” He flashed them a peace sign and jumped into the lift, heading up to the Penthouse, where Lex and Clark were admiring the view. 

“Now there’s a perfect cranium I recognize.” He said by way of greeting and grinned widely as Lex headed his way, the two of them hugging tightly, “God I’ve missed you brat, it’s been too long.”

“Yeah it has,” Lex agreed, his grin matching Tony’s, “You remember Clark?” 

“Remember him?” Tony asked, as Clark held out a hand for him to shake, “How could I ever forget such a burning hot hunk of Kansas goodness?” Clark’s cheeks coloured at Tony’s flirtation while Lex scoffed, 

“You’re old enough to be his Grandfather!”, he ducked as Tony aimed a slap for his head,

“You might want to lay off the age thing, cradle robber,” Tony said, “How many years are between you again?” 

“Too many,” Lex muttered, recalling those agonizing years before Clark was legal, when he’d really thought that castration was the only way to keep from going completely insane. As the impossibly muscular adolescent Clark had been dangling in front of him like a forbidden fruit. How he had survived those long years without going completely nuts Lex wasn’t sure, especially when Clark had started flirting with him after a summer spent in Metropolis. It had only been the certainty that Jonathon Kent would take a twelve bore shot gun to him if he lay a finger on Clark, that had kept Lex from taking what Clark was offering. 

“So, what brings the two of you to my Casa?” Tony asked, as he went to bar to get some drinks, getting scotch for himself and Lex, and a beer for Clark, 

“Well, we’ve got two things to ask you,” Lex said, taking a mouthful of scotch for Dutch courage, “Firstly, would you give me away?” 

“Give you away, to whom, Columbian drug lords?” 

“Tony!” The elder Billionaire grinned, his eyes lighting up when he saw the ring, 

“Oh my God, Lex, I’m so happy for you!” Lex ducked his head with a grateful smile, “And you,” Tony said to Clark, “Congratulations, you’ve won the greatest prize on earth here.” 

Clark’s smile was a thing of beauty as he replied, “Believe me I know.” 

Lex would never admit to blushing, but his cheeks were definitely a little pink at Clark’s declaration of adoration. 

“I would be honoured to give you away.” Tony said, going back around the bar, “And I think this calls for champagne.” He selected a bottle of crystaal and popped the cork, while Lex grabbed some glasses for them, “Aww, my little Lexi, getting married,” Tony cooed as he poured the champagne, “When did you grow up so much?” 

“Oh come on Tony, this isn’t the first time I’ve tied the knot,” Lex scoffed, and Clark growled, 

“Can we not mention the psychopathic gold diggers?” he asked, he’d hated both Desiree and Helen for what they’d done to Lex, Helen the more because hers had been the long game that had very nearly cost Lex his life. The bitch was lucky Lex had let her run, because if Clark had ever gotten hold of her then he wouldn’t have need RedK to loose his cool on her. 

“Well this is third time lucky then.” Tony said, handing Clark his champagne, “And we already know that you’re not a gold digger or a psychopath, you both know each others deepest darkest secrets, so there is no reason this won’t be the best marriage ever.” Clark nodded in agreement and Lex raised his glass, 

“To a long happy marriage,” 

“And no meteor freaks or supervillains attacking on the wedding day.” Clark said clinking his glass against Lex’s, who groaned, 

“That was a total jinx.” He complained, “Now we’ll have demonic vampire rabbits hopping around and drinking peoples blood, or acid puking mutated slugs slithering everywhere!” Clark’s eyebrows arched, 

“Mutated slugs and vampire rabbits?” Lex gave him a pointed look, 

“After bug boys and shape shifting psychopaths would vampire rabbits actually be so shocking?” 

“He does have a point,” Tony offered, “I swear if things get any freakier we’ll end up with a freakin’ zombie apocalypse.” His eyes lit up, “Hey, how about a zombie themed wedding? I could make some kick-ass prosthetics, how do you feel about a knife through the head?” 

“No chance.” Lex drawled, “Save that for your own nuptials.” Tony’s smile faded a little and he looked away, 

“I doubt that’ll ever happen.” He and Pepper had split up a few weeks earlier, it had been amicable but it still hurt and seeing Lex and Clark so happy reminded Tony of the fact he was forty and still unmarried and very unlikely to be. 

“You never know.” Lex said, giving Tony’s shoulder a squeeze, “You might meet someone at the wedding.” 

Tony snorted giving Lex a rueful smile, “I guess so.” He took a mouthful of champagne and sighed, “So, what was the second thing you wanted to ask me, and if it is use of my Island for the honeymoon, no problem.” 

“Oh, no, but thanks.” Lex stammered looked to Clark whose eyes widened and he silently urged Lex to do the asking, while raising his glass to his lips. Narrowing his eyes at Clark, Lex turned back to Tony smiling nervously, “It’s uh, kind of… well it’s a big thing, a very big thing and if you don’t want to do it then that’s fine, so don’t say yes because you think you have to, we’ll completely understand if you don’t want to do this.” 

“Do what?” Tony asked, his curiosity piquing at Lex’s uncharacteristic babbling. 

Lex bit his bottom lip and set down his glass, wringing his hands as he plucked up his courage. “Well me and Clark would like to start a family. Obviously we can’t have a baby by ourselves because neither of us are female or an Omega..”

“Plus there’s no way of knowing what effect my DNA would have on a foetus.” Clark added, 

“Right,” Lex said, “So we are looking for a surrogate who’ll be willing to have my baby, which Clark can formally adopt after the birth,” He drew in a nervous breath, “And we were hoping that you might be the surrogate.” 

“Whoa.” For a moment Tony wasn’t sure what to say. Asking him to be a surrogate was the last thing he’d expected Lex to say. 

“Like I said, we will understand if you don’t want to,” Lex hurriedly said, “Don’t feel pressured or anything.” 

“I know,” Tony said, rolling his lips, “I think I need some time to think about this before I say yes or no,” He looked at Lex and Clark, “It is a big undertaking for all of us and I should probably see a Doctor before doing anything and make sure the palladium didn’t effect my eggs.” He watched the silent exchange between Clark and Lex, their hopeful and nervous expressions. They clearly wanted this so much and he knew they’d be great parents, he knew it wouldn’t be easy but it was incredibly flattering that they would want him to be carry their baby, and they’d definitely let him be part of the child’s life, they’d be the Dads while he’d be the Mom, and it was probably his last chance to have a child of his own unless he met an Alpha or a male Beta he could fall in love with inside the next ten years….

“Well, I’ll make an appointment with my Doctor and get everything checked out, and if everything is okay and if you don’t mind me being a part of the baby’s life then I guess I can give a tentative yes.” 

“OHMYGOD!” Tony was just about crushed in the double hug he got from both Lex and Clark, 

“Of course you’ll be part of his or her life, we wouldn’t want you not to be.” Clark assured him, 

“And we’ll take care of you throughout the pregnancy and afterwards.” Lex said, “Oh God Tony, I don’t even know how to thank you.” 

“Well, lets just make sure that I’m healthy first.” Tony said, not wanting them to get their hopes up too much, but wasn’t able to keep the smile off his face anyway, or the imagined child that he and Lex could make, a cute chubby cheeked baby with chestnut curls and hazel eyes, that was full of curiosity and mischief. He or she would likely end up taking over the entire world, but at least by the time that happened Tony would be ancient and could just watch from the side lines while their Son or Daughter became the over-lord! 

“Jarvis,” He called to the AI, “Make me an appointment to see Dr Lomas ASAP, so we can get started on making the earths future over-lord!”


	2. Chapter 2

Tony hated pelvic exams, but then he supposed everyone hated them with how uncomfortable they were, but it was a necessary evil, so he lay back on the examination table with his legs in stirrups and body parts on display while his cervix was opened and the ultra sound wand was inserted inside him to see his uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. Bloods had already been taken to measure his hormone count as well as a full screen for liver function, thyroid function, red and white blood cells, iron count, and blood sugars. 

“You said that your heats are regular, Mr Stark?” Dr Lomas asked, as he studied the images coming up on the monitor, 

“Yeah, every three months.” Tony replied, “They last between three and five days.” 

“And you menstruation?” 

“Heavy.” Tony said, “They’ve gotten more painful as I’ve gotten older, and I pass more blood clots.”

The Doctor hummed and nodded his head, “Well your uterus looks healthy, as do your ovaries and both of your fallopian tubes appear to be clear.” He removed the wand and helped Tony get down from the stirrups.

“So I should be able to conceive?” Tony asked, pulling on his underwear, and trousers, 

“I do not see why any medical reason as to why you should not.” Dr Lomas said, 

“And is there anything I can do to maximize the chances of conception?” The Doctor sighed, 

“For a start you can look to your diet and lifestyle. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol, increase your intake of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, oily fish, and dairy.” Dr Lomas suggested, “You can start taking pre-natal vitamins now, they won’t do you any harm and will give your body a jump start for when you do fall pregnant.” 

“Uh huh.”

“I’d also recommend that you speak with a psychiatrist before you attempt to conceive.” 

“Right.. wait, what?”   
Dr Lomas gave Tony a pointed look, “This isn’t going to be easy on you, Mr Stark and I don’t just mean physically. You will experience a lot of emotional stress with this. You will essentially be giving away your own baby and that may not be as easy as you think.” 

A little gingerly thanks to his soreness from the exam, Tony sat down in the chair besides the Doctor’s table, “I know it won’t be easy, but Lex and Clark want me to be a part of the baby’s life, they are not going to shut me out.” 

“No, but they will be the main care givers, the ones who raise the baby, not you.” Dr Lomas gently said to him, “They will be the ones who walk out of the hospital with the baby in their arms, where you will go home alone. You need to be very sure that you are prepared for this, mentally and emotionally as well as physically. Are you sure that you can spend nine months with a baby growing inside and just walk away at the end?” 

Tony wanted to say yes but it would have been a knee jerk response because in truth he wasn’t sure, how could he be sure? The odds were that he would become attached to the baby, there wasn’t really anyway he could be with the child growing inside him. Was he going to be able to take a step back after the birth and let Clark and Lex raise the child? He honestly couldn’t be sure.

“Please speak to a therapist before you start trying.” Dr Lomas implored him, “And consult your lawyer. Surrogacy is legal mine field and it’ll be better in the long run if you get everything laid out before you attempt to conceive.” 

Sucking in his lips Tony nodded his head and got to his feet, he had a meeting with his lawyer along with Lex’s lawyer, and Clark and Lex already to discuss the legalities and get everything down on paper so there wouldn’t be any confusion in the future. 

“When will the blood results come in?” He asked as he shrugged on his jacket, 

“They’ll be back in about five to seven days. The office will call you with the results.” 

“Thanks Doctor,” Tony gave him a grin, “Hopefully the next time I see you it’ll be pre-natal exams.” 

 

*****

“What do you think, J?” Tony asked the AI as he sat in his lab, idly tossing a tennis ball for the bots to play catch and chase with. “Am I emotionally mature enough for this?”

“Well Sir…”

“Forget it, don’t answer that. I know I’m not mature. But I am strong, right? I can do this can’t I?” He caught the ball that YOU threw back at him and tossed it in the opposite direction, grinning as the bots zipped past him to go and get their prize, “Plus, Lex and Clark said they want me to be a part of the baby’s life, so I won’t be completely cut off from him or her. I mean I know I won’t exactly be Mom to the baby, but I’ll be like an Aunt or something,” He sighed and tipped his head back, pushing his feet off the floor and sending his chair rolling across the lab, “The baby me and Lex make will be super smart and super adorable, can you bring up those potential baby images again?” 

Jarvis complied, bringing up a holograph of what the infants that Tony and Lex’s combined DNA bred might look like. 

They had chestnut curls, a blending of Lex’s red before the meteor shower, and Tony’s jet black locks. Hazel brown eyes, high cheek bones, strong roman noses, and oval rather than square jaws. 

“So fucking perfect.” Tony said, beaming at the images, “Look boys,” He called to the bots, “These will be your little brother or sister soon.” The Bots chirped and beeped, their cameras pointed at the images curiously. 

“Screw therapists. I don’t need to talk about my feelings. I have you for that.” 

“Indeed Sir, I am so gratified.” Jarvis drawled, 

“How did you get so sarcastic again, is it a glitch in your system?” 

“No Sir, I merely learned from our interactions.”   
“You are a total bitch, J, I’m sure you’ve taken lessons from Pepper on how to be a total bitch. That woman’s tongue could cut glass I swear!”

“Shall I let her know that during our next conference?” Jarvis inquired as if he wasn’t threatening Tony’s life by suggesting it, because if Pepper did ever hear that she’d follow through on her threat of using her stilettos to beat him to death with. 

Tony pouted up at Jarvis’ nearest camera, “J, baby, my super brain child. You have got to be nice to me, you need to love me, I’m going to be fragile and pregnant and needy soon.”

“You are always needy, Sir.” Jarvis sighed, “And right now you need separate the fight between Butterfingers and YOU, preferably before DUMM-E uses the extinguisher on them!” 

“What?” Tony whirled around and saw his two younger bots fighting over the tennis balls, beeping angrily at each other as they both tried to possession of it, DUMM-E chirped at them and waived his beloved extinguisher warningly, like a pet owner warning the cat with the spray bottle. 

“Hey guys, knock it off before someone, probably me, gets hurt.” Tony called, clapping his hands, to get their attention, “DUMM-E there is no fire do not use the extinguisher, I swear you are worse than an unneutered Tom Cat for spraying things!” DUMM-E beeped sadly lowered his arm to set down the extinguisher, then, as quick as a flash he snatched hold of the tennis ball and rolled back across the lab with Butterfingers and YOU chasing after him, giving him angry beeps at his stealing their prize. 

“Kids.” Tony said shrugging his shoulders, 

“Indeed.” Jarvis said, sounding like an exasperated parent,

“At least I have experience with toddlers.” Tony said, “Though these guys don’t make quite as much mess… or, not the same kind anyway.” He said, looking at the wall that was splattered with the latest blender disaster, “You know, we’re gonna have to make this lab baby bump friendly.” He mused to Jarvis, “Think we can cut ovals in the tables to accommodate my bump when it grows?” 

“Certainly, and if I may suggest, you should take more care with the chemicals, actually wear the face shields, gloves, and coveralls when handling them. As well as the heavy metals.” 

“Yep, and we should devote one of your cameras to baby monitoring duty, so you can watch the little one all the time when I’m down here.”

“Thank you Sir, it will be so fascinating to watch a foetus slumbering in the uterus.” Jarvis dryly commented, 

“Hey don’t be snippy, that’ll be your little Brother or Sister. You are not jealous are you?” Tony teased, 

“Astonishingly Sir, not in the least.” 

 

*****

 

In the end Jarvis did persuade Tony to speak with a therapist, who took him through what he could expect during and after the pregnancy, made sure he really knew what he was getting into and wasn’t under any illusions of what this would entail. 

He, Lex, and Clark sat down with the lawyers to draw up a contract. Biologically speaking the baby would Tony and Lex’s, but Tony was signing away his parental rights and Clark would formally adopt the baby after the birth. 

Once the baby was born there would be no contact for a period of six weeks, which would give Tony a chance to recover physically and help him separate the emotional bond he would likely have with the baby. 

While they did want Tony to be part of the baby’s life there needed to be some boundaries. Clark and Lex would be the baby’s parents, they would be the ones raising the baby and making the decisions on schooling and such, where Tony would need to take a step back, and a six week separation after the birth when his hormones would be at the most intense, was a way to help establish the boundaries.

Clark and Lex would be paying for Tony’s medical care, clothing expenses, and loss of earnings when he had to take leave from SI. 

Once the contract was drawn up all three of them signed it and with Tony’s blood work coming in clear, they got the balls rolling. 

When his heat came Tony spent three days inseminating himself with Lex’s donated seed, when his heat reached the fertile pitch. 

Unlike Beta women who generally only produced a single egg for fertilization a month, Omegas produced a cluster of eggs with each peak in their heat to maximize the chances of conception. With Omegas the odds of conception were the opposite to that of Beta Women, who only had a one in four percent chance of conceiving each month, Omega’s had a one in four percent chance of NOT conceiving during their heat. Practically 98 % of unprotected sex in heat resulted in a pregnancy, and even when artificial means were used, the odds were in the high eighties, so Tony was very confident that he would conceive. 

The following three weeks after his heat were torture, as he waited to see if he would bleed, and waited for his hormones to become strong enough for a pregnancy test to be viable. 

Ever the scientist he bought multiple tests and set them into groups, five the morning, five for the afternoon, and five for the evening. So there would be different levels of hormone in his piss and the potential for duds among the tests were out-weighed. 

Exactly twenty-one days after his heat he did the tests, counting up three positives in the morning, another three at lunch, and a full five positives in the evening, which totalled eleven positive tests and four negative. 

“Do you think I should trust the majority and call Lex, or wait and get my blood tested at the Doctors?” He asked Jarvis, staring down at his phone, 

“Do you have any symptoms to corroborate the evidence the tests reveal?” Jarvis asked, 

“Yeah, I guess. I’m not sure.” Tony mused, “My pecs feel kind of weird, but they feel like that when I’m due to menstruate anyway. I need to pee more, but again, water retention before menstruation. There is a metallic taste in my mouth and the smoothy tasted funny earlier, or was it what YOU put in it?” 

“Possibly both.” Jarvis said, 

“Fuck, I wish I was fucking sure.” Tony said, looking down at his flat stomach, “Maybe I should do another test?” 

“Sir, I think eleven tests are pretty… Sir?” Jarvis trailed off as Tony grabbed his coat, 

“I’m gonna go to the chemist.” 

Another five tests and five positives gave Tony enough confidence to call Lex who answered on the first ring, “Well?” He asked, sounding like he was bouncing on the balls of his feet, which he probably was, 

“Well, I think you’d better buy a crib,” Tony said, with a grin spreading over his face, “Because we’re having a baby!”


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing Tony did was sort out his diet. He was already taking the pre-natal vitamins so that was sorted, the next step was to cut back on caffeine. He read up the medically advised amount of caffeine during pregnancy and limited himself to three cups of coffee a day, having fruit and herbal teas or just water otherwise. 

It took trial and error but eventually he managed to find a couple of teas he liked. Lemon and Ginger, and Apple Cider. 

He made the effort to cut out all junk food from his diet, actually emptying out his cupboards of crisps, candy, sugar filled snacks, and anything else that wasn’t healthy and took it down to the SI offices for anyone to help themselves to. 

It was a good effort, and had Jarvis order him ready made salad bowls, vegetable soups, the ingredients for stir fry’s, lean meats, and fresh produce, and for a couple of weeks he stuck to the new healthy eating plan. Making the effort to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner when Jarvis reminded him of the time. 

Then, when he reached the sixth week his morning sickness hit with vengeance. Tony barely made it into the bathroom before he was turning his stomach inside out. 

“Fuck, Jay, did I give myself food poisoning?” he asked, sitting back on his haunches, panting and sweating,

“I think not Sir. I believe your morning sickness has started.” Jarvis replied,

Tony groaned, reaching up to grab the handle of the toilet and flushed it. On shaky legs he rose to his feet and went to the sink, washing his face and brushing his teeth. “Do me a favour Jay?” 

“As always sir,” Jarvis dryly replied, 

“Give Lex a call, if I am up suffering he can suffer with me.” 

“Certainly sir.” 

Tony padded through to the kitchen and smiled when he saw that the coffee was already made, patting Cathy the coffee maker for her efforts and poured himself a cup. However he’d hardly swallowed a mouthful before he was bent over the sink throwing it up. 

“Oh are you kidding me?” He cried, wincing as his stomach spasmed and he vomited again, bringing up bile that burned his throat and mouth. Coughing, he ran the cold water tap and filled his palm with water which he brought to his mouth and rinsed it out. “Jay, call Lex again, tell him I hate him.” 

“Certainly sir, and would you like to look at the remedies for nausea he has sent to you? They include…”

“Tell him to shove it up his ass, I’m going back to bed!” Tony groused, he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and did just that, pulling the covers up over his head and burying himself in the linen. “Don’t wake me until its time for the kid to come out.” 

“Very well sir, I shall schedule a wake up call for thirty-four weeks time.” 

“I can still donate you to a communities college. I’m sure you’ll have great fun reading out announcements over the intercom.” 

“Indeed Sir, I can hardly hold in my excitement.” 

Jarvis’ dry sarcasm brought a smile to Tony’s face as he snuggled down, intent on sleeping until his morning sickness had gone. 

 

***

 

Metropolis.

 

It was unusual for Lex to be up before Clark, but this morning he was, and Clark found his soon to be husband at his desk tapping away at his laptop. 

“Whatcha doin’?” he asked, putting his arms around Lex from behind, and kissing the back of his head. 

“Looking up remedies for morning sickness for Tony.” Lex replied, leaning into Clark’s warmth. The Kryptonian was like a walking furnace, and Lex always snuggled near him like a cat seeking a warm spot before a fire. “Dry toast. Salty biscuits, raspberry leaf tea, mint, ginger. There are a few options he can try.” 

“Hmm, so the morning sickness has hit.” Clark mused, resting his chin on Lex’s head for as long as the Billionaire would allow it, which was two seconds before he was being batted away, “How is he coping with it?” Clark asked, moving around Lex to perch on the side of the desk. 

“He had Jarvis tell me that he hates me and that I shove my remedies up my arse.” 

Clark snorted with laughter at Lex’s droll reply, “Well shit, if he hates us now what is he going to be like in a few weeks time?” 

“Murderous most likely, which why I plan to hide behind you.” Lex said without looking away from the computer screen, “I’ve been looking at cribs too, and they are so fucking cute, especially this vintage style one with the lace canopy, we can get that in a choice of white, pink, blue, yellow, purple, and green.” 

“What, not red and blue?” Clark teased, looking at the crib, his eyes bugged at the price tag, “Is that thing made out of solid gold?” Lex scoffed and rolled his eyes, 

“It’s a designer crib, hand crafted.”

“Its Six thousand dollars!” 

“Only the best for our baby.” Lex said, Clark frowned and looked at the image, still unhappy about the price. Lex sighed and placed a hand on his thigh. “I know its extravagant, but baby, we can afford it, six grand is pocket money, its not going to leave us short at all.” He reached up and slipped his hand into Clark’s who sighed, 

“I know, it… I just don’t want to end up like the rest of the socialite spouses.” 

“You mean botoxed, fake boobed, lipo-suctioned, and face-lifted into human mannequin?” Lex asked, grinning at Clark, whose lips lifted up at the mocking for the surgically enhanced and preserved socialites. 

“Well that too,” He agreed, “I quite like being able to form an expression. But no, what I mean is the ones who take their partners wealth for granted, who think nothing of spending thousands if not millions on trivialities and care nothing for people that are starving to death, don’t have enough clothes to stay warm, or a home to live in.” 

Lex’s face softened and he rose to his feet, placing his arms on Clark’s shoulders and cupped the back of his head. 

“Clark, baby, you could never become one of those vapid whores. For one thing I know that you are not marrying me for my wealth, which is what those fuckers did, those trophy wives and toy boys hanging off the arms of middle aged millionaire and billionaires are only with them for their money, nothing else, and they are making up for the emotionally barren lives by spending a fortune on crap.” He tugged Clark to him and wrapped his arms about him, resting his head against Clark’s broad chest, “This is for our baby, it’s expensive but it is necessary, just like all the other stuff we get him or her will be.”

“I know.” Clark whispered, “I know and I’ll stop fretting about the cost, so long as you promise me one thing.”

“Which is?” 

“No four or five figure baby clothes, they’re only going to be craped, pissed, and puked on, and be out grown in a few weeks!” 

Lex dissolved into laughter and nodded, “It’s a deal.” 

 

*****

 

New York

 

Two weeks later. 

 

Tony sat on the uncomfortable hospital table with Lex and Clark besides him. His bladder was bursting full and he had raging heart burn that had probably been a result of the battered onion rings and sour cream and chive dip that he’d been unable to resist eating. He’d suddenly developed a craving for them and just had to have them, healthy eating be damned. 

“They say drink three pints of water and then they make you wait.” He complained swinging his legs back and forth, “Fuck! Come on or I swear I’ll piss myself!”

Lex shot Clark a pointed look, the Kryptonian’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “I can go and see what the hold up is?” 

“Yeah, tell Dr fucking Lomas to get his fucking arse in here now!” Tony snapped, dramatically throwing himself back on the table, “And find some anti-acids, I think my stomach’s going to burn a hole through my abdomen.” 

“Aww, is the little acting up in there?” Lex cooed, getting look of contempt from Tony who was really not in a touchy feely mood being as uncomfortable as he was, however that was when Dr Lomas came in. 

“So, how are we?” 

“We need to pee, like right now,” Tony replied, “So whatever things you’ve got to do, do them now so I can go and empty my bladder before it explodes.” 

Dr Lomas smirked, “I see your hormones are active, hows the morning sickness been?” Tony narrowed his eyes at the smug bastard, 

“I’ll puke over you if you carry on being a smart ass.” 

“Meh, wouldn’t be the first time a patient has puked on me.” That said, he didn’t waste time, he got the sonogram machine ready to get that part of the exam over with so Tony could go to the toilet before they did the bloods and other checks. 

“Okay, now I can see your uterus.” Dr Lomas said, turning the screen so that Tony, Clark, and Lex could see the image, “And you see that dark shape there? Well that gentlemen is your baby…, wait.. oh,”

“What?” Tony asked, immediately alarmed, “Whats wrong, is there something wrong?”, he reached out and his hand was immediately gripped by Lex’s and Clark’s larger hand covered theirs, offering his support as they waited with baited breath for what the Doctor had to say. After what seemed like an eternity he turned to them with a smile, 

“Congratulations, you’re expecting triplets!”

The silence that fell was punctuated only by the sound coming from the sonogram, Lex, Tony, and Clark stared at the Doctor and at the machine, all trying to take in what he was saying. 

Multiple births with Omegas was more common than with Beta women, especially when it was an Alpha/Omega pairing, but Lex was a Beta and it had been an artificial conception rather than a natural one, so that made this shocking to say the least. 

“From what I can see here, there is a Single and a pair of identical twins.” Dr Lomas said, “All look very healthy and well within the normal size for foetal development at this stage.” 

“Three?” It was Clark who spoke, his voice a squeak like he’d been sucking helium, “As in… three of them, at once?” 

“Yes, Mr Kent, that is what triplets means.” Dr Lomas replied, 

“I think I’m gonna faint.” Lex whispered, wavering slightly, “Three, you’re sure its three?” he asked, looking at the screen, “Holy fuck, three of them, that’s…. we…. Clark?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Catch me!” Clark’s reflexes saved Lex from face planting on the floor as he did indeed faint. Tony was not impressed to say the least, 

“Are you kidding me?” He cried, “I’m the one knocked up with a fucking litter here, I’m the one that needs to friggin’ faint, not him!” He looked to the Doctor, “It’s really triplets?” 

“It really is.” Dr Lomas confirmed, “And I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but we are going to have to keep a closer eye on you during this pregnancy, you blood sugars and blood pressure will have to be closely monitored, and you may have to go on bed rest earlier than the usual laying in period.” 

As Alpha and Omega Pups were larger than Beta babies, Omegas pelvises had to separate prior to the birth and took six weeks healing after the birth. 

“Great.” Tony murmured as Lex groaned, “Oh, back with us now, are we?” 

Lex blinked up at him, “Three babies?” he asked, 

“Yeah, and you are so paying for my tummy tuck after this is done!” 

 

*****

 

Washington DC.

 

Steve was pacing Sam’s living room while Natasha sat on the sofa. Sam was standing with his back to the wall, watching as Steve walked back and forth. 

His mind was reeling. Bucky was alive but brainwashed, had no idea who he really was, acted like he was nothing but a tool for Hydra, might have had something to do with Howard and Maria’s deaths. Hydra was inside Shield, they were going for world domination and would slaughter god knows how many in the process. 

“We need to bring them down, expose them, all in one fell swoop.” He said, getting both Natasha and Sam’s attention, “Stop the hellicarriers taking off and show the world what they are.” 

“That’s a hell of a plan.” Sam murmured, 

“But it’s not that simple.” Natasha said, “We can’t just dump Shield’s files, it would put agents in danger, put their families in danger, and compromise the security of this country.” She shook her head, “We can’t do it, leaking the Hydra shit, sure, but not the other stuff.” 

“Well how do we do that?” Steve cried, throwing his hands in the air, “I don’t know enough about how this computer shit works, you tell me, what do we do?” Natasha scowled at him and sighed heavily, then Sam cleared his throat, 

“If you have a computer problem you call a computer expert to handle it.”

“Meaning?” Steve asked, 

“We get an expert in computers to hack the system and shut down the helicarriers.” 

“Okay… so who..”

“Stark.” Natasha said without a seconds hesitation, “He’s the best in the world.” She looked to Steve “Call Stark, he’s our only shot at this.” 

Steve paused for a moment but only a moment, then reached for the phone and dialled the number he had for Tony Stark.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got a bit more talkative than I thought, oh well, enjoy.

Chapter 

 

Tony was stretched out full length on the couch with his feet propped up on a pillow and his head resting in Lex’s lap. The younger Billionaire was stroking his hair rather like one would pet a cat. 

Tony’s eyes were shut and his face was relaxed as he lay there with one hand resting over his stomach, which for now was still flat, but considering the fact that there were three pups growing in there it would not remain so for very long. 

“What about William?” Clark suggested, bringing three iced teas in from the kitchen, 

“William?” Tony asked, “Will, Bill, Liam. Yeah, that could work.” He reached for his drink and sipped it, “Are you going to keep the L names going?” he asked Lex, 

“Maybe,” Lex replied, “I’d like Lily for a girl.” 

“For your Mom.” Tony said with a sympathetic smile, his eyes met Clark’s and the Kryptonian smiled back, 

“Lily would make a lovely name for a girl, and we’ve got three chances for a girl.” Tony made a groaning noise while Lex grinned, 

“We need six boy names and six girl names.”

“Six?” Clark asked, 

“First and middle names.”

“Well, you’ve got William and Lily,” Tony said, sitting up right, “So you only need four more. Here’s a hint, Anthony, or Antonia!”

Lex snorted and rolled his eyes at that, “How about Seth?” he suggested, 

“As in the Egyptian God that murder his brother?” Tony asked, “Really, you want to call your kid that, really?” 

“People call their kids Caine.” Tony did suppose that Lex had a point there. 

Before they could continue the baby name talk Jarvis interrupted, “I am sorry sir, but you have an incoming call from Captain Rogers.” 

“Capsicle? What does he want?” Tony asked, his nose wrinkling in confusion. He hadn’t had contact with Captain America since New York over a year earlier, why would the star spangled man be calling him now? 

“I am afraid you did not program me to have psychic abilities, Sir, so I cannot comment on the Captain’s reason for calling.” Jarvis said, making Lex snicker and Clark raise an eyebrow towards the ceiling.   
“I will donate your matrix to Macdonalds drive through if this insufferable bitchiness continues,” Tony threatened Jarvis, 

“Yes Sir,” Jarvis replied, “Connecting Captain Rogers now.”

“Wassup Cap, been a while, how they hangin’?” Tony asked by way of greeting for Steve,

“To.. Mr Stark, I… Natasha and I are in a bit of situation and we need your help.” Steve said, sounding unsure of himself, “It’s to do with Shield. Hydra have infiltrated Shield. Project Insight isn’t just going to be used for security it’s going to be used to take over the planet, they’re going to slaughter millions. They are looking for me and Nat, Fury had to fake his own death to escape and Bucky, my friend Bucky is alive! He’s alive, Hydra did something to him and he’s alive!”

“Whoa, whoa slow down.” Tony said, getting to his feet, Lex sat up straight as did Clark. “Hydra, as in the fuckwit Nazi organization that you took down in the dark ages?” 

“Yes!” Steve said on a loud exhale, “And it was the forties not the dark ages.” 

“If it was pre-internet it was the dark ages.” Tony replied, “Project Insight, you mean the helicarriers?” 

“They’re not just hellicarriers.” Natasha said, having obviously taking the phone from Steve, “They will be used as death machines. We can’t let them take off and we need to expose Hydra, but we can’t risk exposing Shield, the loyal agents and their families must be protected.”

“Yeah..” Tony scrunched him his face, thinking on his feet, 

“Tones, you can’t get into a fight.” Lex hissed at him, 

“I know that, but I can deal with computers, I cam King of Computers.” Tony said, then cleared his throat, “Nat, I’ll join you in DC, gimme an address to meet you,” he glanced at Clark and Lex, “I might have some backup too,” Lex’s eyebrows arched and Clark nodded in immediate agreement, “How do you feel about Dragonfly and Superman joining the party?” 

“Holy fuck!” 

“Language!” This came from a voice Tony didn’t recognise and the reprimand from Steve, 

“Seriously, did Cap just say Language?” 

“He did.” Natasha drawled, “He’s so proper it’s sickening. He actually blushed because I saw him without a shirt on.”

“I did not!” Steve protested, 

“And he saw me in a vest with my boobs on display,” 

“Nat!”

“Oh be fair Natashalie, he’s probably never seen a pair of boobs before.” 

“Good point, I think they still wore clothing from neck to ankle back in his day.” 

“I hate the both of you.” Steve said sounding resigned. 

“Oh don’t get your frilly knickers a bunch Cap, I’ll be in DC in a few hours, we’ll work out a plan then, Ciao.” 

Tony turned to Lex and Clark, “You two ready to suit up?” 

“Always,” Clark said, getting to his feet, but Lex had a frown on his face, 

“Tony, you really shouldn’t be doing this.” He said, “It isn’t good for you, not now.”

Tony shook his head, “I won’t get into any fights, I’ll keep out of the way and just deal with the computer. Nothing else, I promise.” 

Lex looked to Clark, “What do you think?” Clark shrugged, 

“If he keeps out of the physical stuff I don’t see why not.” 

“Okay,” Tony said, “Lets get the wheels in the air and our asses to DC.”

 

*****

 

“Superman, we’re gonna be meeting fucking Superman!” Sam was giddy with excitement and not hiding it all, “First Captain America, now Superman!”

“Yeah,” Natasha drawled, “Next you’ll be meeting Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy.” Sam shot her an unimpressed look, then jumped to his feet as his door was knocked. 

Steve was the one who went to answer the door, letting in Tony, who nodded to Natasha, 

“Where’s Superman?” Sam asked, eagerly, “Where is he?” 

“Around,” Tony said, “Dragonfly is with him, they’ll be backing you up with the actual fighting, while I deal with the Shield files.” He took a seat on the sofa, and took a Starkpad out of his briefcase, “Jarvis and I have been working on an program that will search through the files, separating Hydra from Shield, once separated those files will be uploaded to my private network for safe keeping and then Hydra can be dumped on the net for the world to see.” 

“Brilliant,” Natasha said, 

“Yeah, the only downside is I have to be physically present to get into the mainframe, I can’t hack it, the security network is too tight, I might be able to do it but it’ll take hours and I don’t believe time is on our side?” He looked to Steve who shook his head, 

“No, those ships are launched in a few hours.” 

“So you go in, big deal.” Sam said, “You’re Iron Man, ain’t nobody gonna get in your way for long.” 

An uncomfortable look passed over Tony’s face and he shifted in his seat. “Yeah, that’s a thing and umm, I can’t be in the suit, or engage in any of the fighting at all.” 

“Why, are you still recovering from surgery?” Natasha asked, glancing at Tony’s chest where the acr reactor used to sit, 

“No, no, I’m all healed,” Tony replied, a hand running over his breast bone by rote, a nervous habit he’d developed when he’d still had the tech in his chest. After Obie had ripped it out, he’d needed to constantly reassure himself that the reactor was safely in there and keeping him alive. It might have been several months since he’d had it removed but he wasn’t getting over the habit any time soon. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Steve asked, perching on the edge of Sam’s coffee table and scrutinizing Tony with narrowed eyes, as if searching for causes of why he would refuse to suit up, “Are you ill, injured?” 

“No, I’m fine, I…” Tony sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Okay, you can’t tell anyone, there isn’t going to be an official release on this for a while yet, but I guess in the circumstances you can be the first to know.”

“Know what?” Natasha impatiently asked, 

“That I’m pregnant.” 

 

Silence followed this statement with everyone looking at each other until Sam cleared his throat, 

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Tony murmured, Natasha however frowned, 

“I thought you and Pepper…”

“Oh, no, we’re over, totally over. The babies aren’t hers.” Tony hastily explained, “They’re not even mine. Well I mean they are, biologically, but I won’t be the one raising them, I’m just carrying them.” 

Steve’s face went through various stages of puzzlement at this until finally he gazed beseechingly at Natasha to make sense of it all, but it was Sam who spelled it out for him,

“You’re a surrogate?” he asked, 

“Yeah,” Tony said, “For Lex Luthor and his soon to be husband, Clark Kent.” 

Natasha blinked, looking mildly surprised, which for her meant she was shocked and amazed, Sam gaped in open astonishment, and Steve clearly needed some time to get his head around yet another modern miracle. He had read about IVF and artificial insemination, but it still seemed very Scifi fantasy to him at times, yet here Tony was, pregnant, with babies that he was carrying for someone else. 

Mind boggling. 

“Wait,” Sam said, holding up a hand, “Did you say babies, as in more than one?”

“Oh yeah,” Tony said, “It’s triplets.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Triplets?” Steve repeated openly gaping at Tony and looking down at his stomach as if he expected to see a huge baby bump there. Tony rolled his eyes,

“Yeah, I know,” He sighed, “I said yes to carrying one baby and instead I get knocked up with three.”

“Kind of like waiting for a bus.” Natasha mused, not seeming particularly bothered by the information, she was her normal stoic self, her expression impassive as she regarded Tony. 

“Fuck man, you’re gonna get huge!” Sam rather tactlessly said, receiving a glare from Tony to which he quickly looked away. 

Steve ran a hand through his hair and clasped the back of his neck looking uncomfortable. “There’s something else,” He said, “Something about your parents.” Tony frowned, 

“They’re dead, have been for more than twenty years.” 

“Yeah, it’s to do with how they died.” Steve said, unable to meet Tony’s eyes, “I don’t know for certain, but the… whatever Zola had turned himself into hinted that their deaths were not an accident, but were in fact a Hydra hit, possibly carried out by the Winter Soldier.”

As Steve finished speaking the severity of his revelation hung thick and heavy in the room as Tony stared at him. His face was expressionless but his eyes shone with a mixture of emotions, hurt, anger, confusion, guilt, and shock. 

The Alpha in Steve wanted to reach out and offer comfort to Tony, to give him a shoulder to lean on, to support and protect him. But he knew without even trying that any contact right now would not be well received. 

In the end it was Natasha who broke the silence, getting to the point as usual, “I know this is a lot to digest at the moment and that you need to process this, but right now we need you to put it to one side and focus on the current situation.” It sounded harsh, it was harsh, but there were other matters to attend to, matters of life and death, and Howard and Maria were long dead, murdered or not, that situation wouldn’t be changing and so it could wait for a while.

Swallowing hard Tony nodded his head and inhaled shakily, “Okay, I assume you have a plan, or at least the rudiments of a plan?” 

 

*****

 

In the end things went pretty well. Tony and Natasha entered Shield using exostatic veils to make them appear as part of the WSC, Superman remained out sight, while Sam, Steve, and Dragonfly slipped on board the helicarriers to disable them. 

“Superman, freakin’ superman!” Sam said, still not over his fan girl adoration of the Kryptonion, 

“Want him to sign your boobs in a sharpie?” Dragonfly drawled, 

“Chatter people.” Steve admonished unable to keep a smirk from his lips. He did as Tony instructed, going to the engines and attacking the electrical systems, ripping out wires and frying the circuits, they could of course be repaired but it would take days of work to do so and they only needed to keep them grounded right now, they could do more permanent damage later. 

“Heads up people, this shits about to get real.” Dragonfly said, and the sound of gunshots rang out over the coms, 

“Dragonfly?” Steve asked, 

“I’m fine.” The Metropolis Dragon grunted, “C’mon you mother fuckers!”

“Sam?” Steve asked and had to duck as a shower of gun fire nearly hit his head, 

“I’m under fire, watch your six Cap.”

“Gotcha.” 

 

Steve ducked low, using the machinery for cover, the more damage the bullets did the better. He spied Rumlow, leading the task force, the man looked pissed, “Give it up Rumlow, you’re done.” Steve called out, hitting the ground on his belly and rolling, 

“The hell it is Rogers.” Rumlow called back, “Even if you and your friends stop the launch it doesn’t matter, Hydra has already won, we always win Rogers, don’t you know that yet?” 

Steve held his breath as Rumlow moved closer, “If you cut off one head, then two more take its place.” The man crowed in a sing-sing voice, “You can’t defeat us, we are indestructible.”

“Prove it.” Steve hissed, leaping to his feet and wrapping his shield about the back of Rumlow’s head bringing him to the ground, he brought his shield back up stopping the shower of bullets that came his way, several ricocheted back onto the agents firing them, taking them out which saved Steve the job, the threw the shield and ducked behind machinery as it took out a couple more agents, then leaped up and grabbed it mid-air as it came back around, he leaped over machinery just as a grenade past by his cheek, he had just enough to take cover as it exploded igniting a fire in the engine room. 

The remaining Hydra agents fired at Steve as they made their own attempt at retreating, Rumlow was still out cold in the engine room, the flames nearing his body, Steve paused for a second, considering going back for him, but a blow from behind stopped those thoughts as he found himself facing the Winter Soldier once again. 

 

Lex had little difficulty in taking down his assailants and used their bodies and weapons to complete his damage to the engines before making his exit from the helicarrier, Sam too had evaded or disabled the agents trying to stop him and flew out of the helicarrier, but one of the agents got off a lucky shot at him disabling one of the wings. 

“Fucker!” Lex yelled, shooting the agent in question, by the time he had turned back around Clark had already saved Sam from falling and lowered him to the ground, 

“We good?” Lex asked, as Clark got Sam back onto his feet and patted his shoulder, 

“I am.” Sam said but Clark was frowning, 

“Go and help Tony and Natasha.” He said, rising up into the air, “I think Rogers needs some back up.” 

 

*****

 

The Shield building was in chaos as Sam and Lex ran. The Innocent Shield Agents were helping each other exit the building while Hydra agents were gathering weapons and making stands against Tony and Natasha who had taken refuge in the mainframe along with Fury and Maria Hill. 

Tony was downloading all of the Shield files while uploading everything to do with Hydra onto the internet, he was even hacking into several news stations and broadcasting it across the country.

“How are we doing J?” he asked Jarvis as he checked the data streams, 

“Eighty-three percent downloaded and uploaded Sir.” Jarvis replied, “Approximately three point seven minutes left to run.” 

“Sweet, keep up the good work.” Tony said, “You finish ahead of schedule I’ll give you bonus.”

“How do you give an AI a bonus?” Natasha asked, exchanging fire with several Hydra agents, 

“Gigabites and terrabites.” Tony replied, flinching to the side as a bullet strayed a little too close for comfort, “Mind keep an eye on my goods Nicky?” he asked Fury, 

“It’s too busy locating targets to stare at your ass, Stark.” Fury replied without batting an eyelid, 

“Good job he brought in back up then,” Came Dragonfly over the coms as he and Sam ran into the mainframe and began to take out the Hydra agents that were now caught on two sides and were quickly dealt with.

“Hill, coordinate with our remaining teams and lets get these assholes locked up.” Fury ordered,

“Yes Sir.” Maria said, holstering her gun, while Fury looked to Tony, 

“One more minute and I’m done.” Tony replied, a grin on his face as he hacked CNN and made use of their satellites to broadcast Hydra across the globe and made a start on hacking the BBC network.

“Steve, sitrep?” Sam asked,

“We’re good,” Steve replied sounding breathless, “Bucky is restrained, but Rumlow got away, however he is hurt, burned badly, he’ll need serious medical attention.” 

Fury looked to Maria who nodded and began to bark orders for the remaining Hydra forces in the vicinity to be rounded up and a search put on Rumlow.

“And we’re done.” Tony said, “Shield files are all safe and Hydra is now being viewed on pretty much every news channel and feed throughout the world,” He grinned, “I do hope they’re not camera shy because they’ve got one hell of a lot of them pointing at them right now.”

“Captain, bring the Winter soldier in, he needs to be contained.” Fury ordered over the coms, Natasha and Tony exchanged a glance knowing that Steve wouldn’t like this. 

“He needs help, Fury, not punishment,” came the immediate protest from Steve. 

The Captain had been barely holding his own against Bucky, had been holding back in their fight, not wanting to hurt his old friend and had been pleading with Bucky to remember him, to remember himself. He’d taken several bad hits and was on his back with Bucky aiming his gun at his head when Superman had intervened, making the gun red hot which forced Bucky to drop it and had knocked the man unconscious with a single blow to the head, saving Steve and disabling Bucky. 

Bucky now lay limp in Superman’s arms, his cowl off and pale gaunt face relaxed as he slept. It tore Steve up inside to see Bucky like this. He didn’t think he’d looked so skinny when he’d found him in that hellhole prison camp, and at least then Bucky had known who he was, hadn’t been some kind of puppet being jerked around by uncaring masters.

“We will help him Captain,” Fury said over the coms, “But he is dangerous. We have to contain him so he doesn’t hurt anyone else, and if we don’t contain him then the military will, if they don’t just put a bullet through his head.”

“He’s right Cap.” Tony said, “We can begin treating Barnes right away but it has to be done in a secure facility so he can’t hurt anyone, including himself.” 

“We can keep a watch over him, Steve.” Sam said, “But he does need more care than any of us can provide, a full psych team need to evaluate him so they can determine the best course of treatment for him.” 

Steve knew this, he knew that it was the only course of action, but it still hurt. He felt like he was failing Bucky again. He looked at his friend, his expression tragic, heartbroken as he quietly gave his agreement over the coms. 

“You are doing the right thing Captain.” Superman gently told him as they made their way to reconvene with Fury, “The only thing that can be done.” 

Steve looked over at him meeting Superman’s sharp eyes, “I hope you’re right.” 

 

*****

 

Gotham

 

Bruce paused in the doorway of his living room his hazel eyes locking on the news report of the Avengers, Superman, and Dragonfly exposing Hydra and their intentions to use the Shield Helicarriers as weapons of mass destruction. 

“While Black Widow and Captain America were present and fought alongside Superman, Dragonfly and a new superhero by the name of Falcon, Tony Stark’s Iron Man was absent from the fight and the Billionaire has not been available for comment on the situation. Neither has Stark Industries or CEO Pepper Potts made any statements.” The reporter said, “Iron Man was not the only Avenger to be missing from this battle, the notorious Hulk had not been heard from in over a year and neither has the Asgardian Thor.”

“Fifty bucks say’s Supes kicks Thor’s ass in a fight.” Jason Todd/Red Hood, Bruce’s second eldest son said, his eldest, Dick/Nightwing grinned at him, while Bruce’s youngest and biological son Damian sneered, 

“Sucker bet.” 

“I’d bet Lex could kick Captain America’s ass.” Tim Drake/Red Robin and Bruce’s youngest adopted son said. The four of them sat around the TV with an array of junk food to snack on. Bruce would chide them for the amount of trash they were eating but considering the exercise they got they would burn it all off easily and still have good appetites for whatever dinner Alfred served them. 

“Why do you think Stark wasn’t there?” Tim asked, “Think he’s still healing from that heart surgery he had?” 

“Maybe, or maybe he didn’t give a fuck.” Jason said shrugging his shoulders and reaching for the cheese balls, stuffing a handful in his mouth and continuing to speak around them, “It isn’t like anyone helped him when that Mandarin attacked him.” 

“How come Lex and Clark got involved though, they’ve never been affiliated with Shield, have they?” Dick asked, getting several shakes of the head. 

This puzzled Bruce too. Lex and Clark were as guarded over their identities as he was, so they would not have gotten involved without a good reason, or, an introduction of a mutual friend and the only friend they had in common with Shield was Tony. 

It was tempting to call Tony and ask him directly, but Bruce honestly wasn’t sure how to do so. They had not spoken in a number of years, many in fact, too many. Bruce regretted the distance between himself and Tony now, regretted a lot of things in regards to himself and Tony. 

He wished he could turn back the clock and undo the mistakes he’d made, oh he knew he was not the only one to blame for their relationship turning sour, Tony had been as bad as he at the time, but Bruce did regret his own actions, especially now, when he was in his middle age and still unmated. 

He had an enviable family, two Alpha sons in Jason and Damian, a beta son in Dick, and an Omega son in Tim. Alfred as much a Father to him as his own had been, but Bruce still had no mate, no long term partner, hell, of late not even a short term hook up. 

In short he was feeling lonely, as he saw his sons growing up, Dick already had his own place as did Jason, though they came to the manor several times a week for food, training, and just to hang out. Tim would be going to college soon and Damian wouldn’t be far behind him. Then Bruce would be near fifty and alone with increasingly less chances of finding someone to spend his life with. 

Oh his wealth would attract any amount of willing lovers, but Bruce wanted more, he wanted love, the kind that Lex and Clark had, the kind he’d once had with Tony. But that ship had sailed a long time ago and Bruce had to resign himself to that, because he and Tony were done and that was it.


	6. Chapter 6

Shield HQ New York.

 

The HQ was miles beneath what appeared to be a non-descript office building that on the surface appeared to be doing out-sourced admin for other companies. All those visible to the outside world wore smart suits and office wear, sported Tablets, Smartphones, and headsets, carried briefcases and smart satchels as they came and went. But beneath the ground floor was where the real action was happening, as Shield regrouped, cleaning out the remaining Hydra and securing their agents. 

A month had passed since The Avengers, Superman, and Dragonfly had exposed Hydra to the entire world and finally Steve was being allowed in to see Bucky. 

Bucky was being held in a secure room in the HQ. Technically speaking it was a cell, but it wasn’t barren. He had a comfortable bed and armchair, a desk and office chair, he was given paper and pencils on demand, books, even a computer and TV. 

He had an adjacent bathroom complete with a power shower, sink, and toilet. 

At first Bucky hadn’t spoken, nor had he eaten. They had been forced to administer a feeding tube via his nose to prevent him from starving until he’d started to eat for himself. Three balanced meals a day plus snacks to replenish his body. 

Steve was relieved to see that he had gained a healthy amount of weight since the last time they had been together. Bucky looked less gaunt and strained. He was pale but that was from a lack of daylight, otherwise he looked well rested and more like the Bucky, Steve knew.

The Doctors and Psychiatrists had been working tirelessly with Bucky, helping to understand that he was no longer under Hydra’s control, that he was safe, he would not be harmed unless he tried to harm himself or others. They had been showing him his personal history with Steve and what evidence the had of his life before the Commandos. (Howard Stark’s personal archive had come in very useful there.) 

“His memory is still very patchy.” The Psychiatrist said, “From what we’ve been able to discover on medical exams and from Hydra’s records, he was subjected to brutal mental manipulations and brain washing.”

“Torture.” Steve spat out, wishing he could get his hands around the throat of the bastards who’d done it. 

“Yes.” The Doctor said bluntly, there was no point in dressing this up or sugar coating it, Steve needed to know the truth about what his friend had been through and the consequences that had for Bucky. 

“On a brighter note his brain is healing itself. We have taken several scans of his cerebellum and it has shown remarkable healing which is encouraging, as is the return of a few memories. It is possible that he will regain what he has lost,” Steve prepared to smile but the Doctor was not smiling, “That is the shiny side of this coin I’m afraid. While he may regain the memories he had of his time with yourself, his childhood, etc, he is likely to remember being in Hydra’s hands, what they did to him, and what they had him do.”

This took away any happiness Steve had previously felt. While he wanted Bucky to remember him, to remember his past, he didn’t want him to remember being tortured, nor to remember the murders he’d committed under Hydra’s control. 

He remained sombre as he approached Bucky’s cell. Bucky was sat in his armchair reading a comic of all things. To Steve’s eternal humiliation he saw that it was a Captain America comic from the forties. 

“Who are we fighting today?” he asked, making Bucky look up, 

“Uh Dracula,” he said, setting the comic down and getting to his feet. As he approached the plexi-glass he looked Steve over, “Not in your costume today?” 

Steve flushed, “It’s a uniform.” 

“Looks like a costume to me.” The deadpan way Bucky said this made Steve grin, 

“You’re still a jerk,”

“And you’re still a punk.” 

“You remember that?” Steve asked, unable to keep from latching onto this as if it were a lifeline. Bucky shrugged, 

“I remember saying it, a fuzzy memory of standing before some scrawny runt at some kind of fair and calling him a punk.” 

“Yeah, yeah you did.” Steve enthused, he knew he was beaming like a kid on Christmas morning but he couldn’t help it he was so overjoyed that Bucky remembered something of them. 

“Looks like you grew a bit.” Bucky said, 

“Well yeah, you know, I ate my vegies and drank my milk!” 

Bucky snorted a small smile curving his lips. “I don’t remember much and what I do remember is blurred and not of it is great. However I remember our last fight and that… really big guy in the costume that’s worse than yours.”

“Its not a costume!” Steve protested, Bucky rose an eyebrow at him and he sighed, giving up on the protests, Bucky did have a point, that garish piece of propaganda was not exactly flattering, hell, Stark was saying it did nothing for his ass!   
“You mean Superman.” He said, “He’s an alien from a planet called Krypton.”

“Aliens.” Bucky said on an exhale, “Seems like something right out of a damn comic and yet its real.”

“Ha, you think that’s weird, try fighting along side a Nordic God of Thunder and a guy who flies around in robotic armour.” Steve said, raking a hand through his hair, “It’s a crazy time to be alive. They’ve put men on the moon, they have people living on a station in space, you can talk to people in real time on a screen in different countries, send conversations in text form in seconds.” 

“It is crazy,” Bucky agreed, “How did you keep from going crazy when you first woke up?” 

“Well….” Steve began and sat down on the chair outside the cell getting ready to tell Bucky all about his early weeks in the strange new century.

 

 

*****

 

New York.

 

Stark Tower.

 

A press conference had been called to announce Tony’s pregnancy to the world. They had hoped to wait longer, until Tony was in the second trimester, but the babies weren’t going to let that happen. Tony was already starting to show too much for them to put it off any longer. 

Lex and Clark were with him as he waited for the green light from Pepper, sipping at peppermint tea in an effort to calm his stomach and repeatedly running his hands over his front and tugging at his suit jacket, trying to get it to lay smooth over his growing abdomen, but the round bulge that had seemed to pop up out of no where just a week after taking down Hydra and hadn’t stopped expanding since, was proving too taxing on the snug material. 

“You should have worn a maternity cut.” Natasha observed. Since exposing Hydra, She, Steve, Sam, and Clint off and On, had been staying in the tower with Tony, who had been keen on getting the Avengers back together, under one roof as well as making official alliance with other Superheroes, like Superman and Dragonfly. 

“I do not need maternity wear yet.” Tony said, “I’m only three months gone.” 

“I think you do.” Clark said, “If you want to breathe,” the man of steel actually flinched at the glare Tony shot him, and Lex elbowed him in the stomach, 

“If you want to keep breathing, I suggest you keep comments like that to yourself.” He said as Pepper popped her head around the door, 

“We’re ready.” She said, giving Tony a critical look over, “You should have worn a maternity cut, that suit is far too tight on the waist.” 

“Bite your tongue Miss Potts.” Tony shot back, undoing the jacket and letting it hang loose in an effort for it to be a little more flattering, but the fact that his trousers were straining at the seams didn’t help. 

“Jarvis, schedule an appoint with Mr Stark’s tailor.” Pepper said, “He needs new clothes, immediately.”   
“I hate you.” Tony grumbled, making his way out to the podium with Lex and Clark behind him. They took seats with Tony between Lex and Clark so he was being supported on both sides as they sat before the sea of flashing cameras. 

“Mr Stark, can you confirm rumours that the Avengers are reuniting and Superman will be the leader of the team?” Lois Lane yelled, not waiting for Tony to greet them, 

“Superman, really, is that a thing?” Tony asked, looking to Clark and then to Lex, “I’d have thought everyone knew by now that Iron Man is the undisputed leader of all.” A ripple of laughter followed this, 

“Surely it would be Captain America.” Another reporter said, “Or will Superman and Captain America be serving under you?” This was the wrong thing to say and Tony leered, 

“Well, if I got the chance to have them both Under me then they would be doing a far different kind of service than the one I’d be telling you about.” 

“Maybe they’re too busy comparing “Shoe sizes” Lex offered with a smirk Clark’s way, the Kryptonian flushed and narrowed his eyes at Lex promising retribution later. 

“If not confirmation on the Avengers reuniting, what is this press conference about?” Christine Everheart demanded, “And does it have anything to do with Iron Man’s absence in the past few months?”

“Indeed it does, Christine.” Tony said giving her a bright white smile, “We are here to announce that I am pregnant with Lex’s triplets.” 

 

The reporters shot up from their seats, taking photos of the three men and calling out questions. When they had quietened a little Lex spoke up. 

“Tony is acting as a surrogate Mother for Clark and I, we were fortunate enough to conceive on the first attempt and are now exactly twelve weeks and three days into the pregnancy.”

“Clark, how do you feel about this?” Lois called out, hurt that Clark hadn’t told her in advance, but then he tended to keep quite quiet about his private life in the office. 

“I’m ecstatic,” Clark said into the microphone, 

“Will you be having a biological child via a surrogate yourself?” another reporter asked,

“No, I have a couple of genetic issues that could be handed down to a child so we decided that it is better if Lex be the.. uh, donor.” Clark said giving Lex a grin, 

“Tony, how are you feeling?” 

“Nauseous,” Tony deadpanned, “That does get better right? The throwing up goes away and the “Glowing” thing happens, you know, like it is in the movies when it’s all perfect and glowey and and I’ll get glossy hair and shining skin and no stretch marks at all, that’s gonna happen right?” The press laughed while Tony dramatically groaned, 

“For the record, I don’t think onion rings and sour cream and chive dip help with morning sickness or heart burn.” Lex offered in the microphone, 

“But they taste so good I need them!” Tony whined, he looked into the camera, “Any pregnant people out there will understand, cravings cannot be ignored, cravings must be obeyed,”

“Even at three am?” Lex asked dubiously, 

“Yes at three am!”

“What will this mean for Iron Man?” Christine asked, “Will you be making a maternity suit?” this got a few laughs and Tony appeared to think about it and even speak with Lex about it, the younger man shaking his head, 

“It’d hardly be very graceful,” Tony said after a beat, “But on a serious note, obviously I can’t be in the suit right now, it wouldn’t be safe, so Iron Man is officially on maternity leave, except for extreme situations and then I’ll remote pilot.”

“Are you hoping for boys, girls, or a mix?” 

“We’re not bothered,” Clark said, “We know from scans that we’re having a set of identical twins and a single baby, but we don’t care what sex they are.”

“What do the Avengers think of this?” 

“They’ve been allocated as future baby sitters.” Tony said, “It’ll be perfect, I mean whose gonna argue when the Black Widow says, “No Cookies?” 

 

The press conference went viral and within minutes hashtags were appearing on twitter #Cravings #Ironbabies #Ultimatethreeway #Onionringsrule! #IronMamma! 

More comments and photos appeared in Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, as people offering congratulations, made exclamations, and sadly criticised the pregnancy, Lex and Clark’s choice in surrogate saying Tony was too old, an alcoholic, and unfit to be a mother, even a surrogate mother, and Tony’s choice in being a surrogate for a gay couple. 

These were drowned out by the positive responses, Tony’s favourites were a photoshopped image of a pregnant ironman with three glowing arc reactors on the round stomach, and an image of Iron Man hovering before three mini Iron Men. 

 

Gotham

 

Bruce watched the press conference in stunned amazement as Tony, Lex, and Clark announced the news of the pregnancy to the world. A triplet pregnancy at that. 

Were he not seeing this with his own two eyes then he would not have believed it was real. Tony had never wanted children, had always been adamant about that. 

Then again, in his youth so had Bruce for that matter, then he’d grown up, Dick had come into his life, followed by Jason, then Tim, and finally Damian, and as stressful as being a Father was, Bruce knew he’d never be without his family. 

A he watched Tony pose briefly with Lex and Clark, the couple on either side of him, their hands resting on his rounded stomach, Bruce felt a dull ache in the back of his throat and a bitter taste of jealousy covered his tongue. Deep down inside he felt excluded from this moment, wished he could have been part of it, have shared in the joy of the three on the stage. 

Even deeper inside he wished that it was not Lex or Clark’s hands on Tony’s belly but his own and that the pups growing in there were not Lex’s but his. It was a desire that burned in his gut like a coal and one he was going to have to quash by the wedding rehearsal, when he would see Tony again after so many years.


	7. Chapter 7

Steve was reading the morning paper following his morning run and breakfast, when Tony stomped into the kitchen, wearing a pair of pyjama bottoms, and faded MIT sweater, and a heavy scowl on his face. 

“Good morning, sunshine, how bright you are today.” Steve quipped as Tony threw himself down into a seat at the table, 

“Blow it out your ass.” He grunted and buried his face into his arms, “I hate being pregnant.” He complained, “I feel sick all the time, I’m fat and bloated, nothing fits, my chest is sore, and I’m not allowed to drink enough coffee.”

“But other than that it’s great.” Steve teased, smirking at the evil eye Tony shot him, “Would you like some breakfast?”

“Would you like to get puked on?” 

“Not especially but you shouldn’t skip meals, not in your condition.” 

“Yeah, and that’s another thing, why is it called a condition, it makes it sound like I have a fatal illness or something.” Tony groused, seemingly in the mood to complain about everything and anything. He propped his chin on his hands, his elbows resting on the table, “I want an ice cream sundae.” He declared, Steve frowned at him, 

“You can’t have ice cream for breakfast.”

“Yes I damn well can.”

“He really can, Cap, and you know it is a very bad idea to argue with a pregnant person, they tend to be dangerous.” This came from Clint, who had arrived at the tower two days before, followed by Banner who’d been somewhere in India. Tony had welcomed both enthusiastically, especially Clint, who had confessed to having a family and offered Tony advise from when his Wife had been pregnant for help Tony through the next few months. 

Sighing heavily, Steve got to his feet and went to the freezer to the ice cream out, “You are eating something healthy for lunch.” He said in a no nonsense tone, 

“Stick some fruit in it and it’ll be healthy.” Clint said dismissively, 

“No bananas.” Tony stated, he’d developed an aversion to them since falling pregnant and couldn’t even stand the smell of them right now. Steve chopped up some strawberries and added some blueberries and raspberries to the sundae and placed the bowl in front of Tony who beamed and took a huge spoonful, frowning and pausing, “It needs something.” He said, getting to his feet and heading for the cupboards to start searching for this mystery item,

“Syrup?” Clint suggested as he got a box of frozen waffles out of the freezer and went to the toaster, setting a couple in to cook, he held up the box to Sam who had just appeared in the kitchen and nodded his head at the offered breakfast choice. 

“Morning everyone.” He said, going to get coffee.”

“No, something else.” Tony said, answering Clint’s earlier question, eyeing jars of Nutella, peanut butter, jam, marmite, and an unopened jar of dulce leche, he paused and frowned thinking about what he wanted, what needed to be added to the sundae. He didn’t want anything sweet, he didn’t want peanut butter either, what he needed was something tangy and “Ah ha!” he declared, grabbing the ketchup from the cupboard.

Steve’s eyes widened in horror as Tony carried it to the table and proceeded to drench the ice cream and fruit in ketchup!

He watched in morbid fascination as Tony began to eat with enthusiasm apparently oblivious to the disgust on Steve’s face and amusement on Clint and Sam’s faces. 

“This is really good,” he declared, licking the spoon, “Jarvis, send a message to Lex, ask him to add ice cream sundaes with ketchup to the wedding menu.” 

“A pleasure sir.” Jarvis replied, 

“I’ll bet that’ll be a popular dish.” Clin snickered, grabbing the waffles from the toaster and putting them on a plate, he then grabbed some butter from the fridge and a bottle of syrup and drenched them in sugar and fat, “Heavenly.” He said and dug in,

“And will you be telling Laura about your cholesterol, or will I?” Natasha asked, slinking into the kitchen silently and making everyone jump, she rose an eyebrow at Tony’s breakfast but said nothing, heading for the coffee pot instead.

“Nat, sweetie, you wouldn’t do anything so mean to me, would you?” Clint asked, giving her puppy eyes, to which she flicked his forehead, 

“You’re screwed Man,” Sam commented, taking a seat with his own waffles, 

“With Nat you always are.” Clint said and grinned at the death glare Natasha shot him,

Banner followed Natasha moments later with a tea pot and cup, pushing his glasses up his nose and looking slightly confused as to where he was and why it wasn’t a lab.

“Morning Jolly Green,” Tony greeted, “Want some breakfast?” 

“Hmm, oh yes, thank you, morning Tony.” Banner said distractedly, making Steve grin inwardly, being perpetually distracted seemed to be a thing for scientists, Banner paused and watched as Tony raised a spoonful of ketchup and ice cream to his mouth, “Pregnancy really does have a fascinating effect on the taste buds.” He observed, 

“Uh huh, if not a positive effect on the waistline.” Tony grumbled, he’d gone to get new clothes, Pepper had insisted and had dragged him out to get them, so while he now had stuff that was comfortable he was still grumpy about not being able to wear his normal clothes so soon into the pregnancy. 

“I’m sure ice cream for breakfast really helps that.” Sam commented and was immediately glowered at by Tony, who jabbed his spoon at him, 

“Do not make fat jokes at my expense if you wish to keep your wings attached, Feather-head junior,” (Feather-Head senior was Clint) “Especially not when I can only fit into stretchy waist bands and will be seeing Bruce fucking Wayne for the first time in years.” He finished the sentence on a long whine and pouted, stirring the remaining ice cream in the bowl, 

“Who’s Bruce Wayne?” 

Steve flushed as everyone turned to stare at him, “Dude, have you been living under a rock?” Sam cried, 

“Do you just not watch or read anything to do with celebrities?” Clint asked, 

“Oh, so he’s an actor or a singer?” Steve asked and received multiple groans, “What?” he protested, it was a reasonable assumption wasn’t it? 

“Bruce Wayne,” Natasha explained, sitting down in the chair across from Steve, peeling an orange from the fruit bowl and setting the rind on the table, “Is the Son of Thomas and Martha Wayne who were shot and killed in front of him when he was a child.” Steve’s forehead creased in empathy for what the young boy must have gone through. “He is a Billionaire, the C.E.O. of Wayne Enterprises, and the ex-boyfriend of Tony.” 

“And he looked damn good in that spread in Vanity Fair,” Sam offered, 

“He always looks good.” Tony grumbled, “He could wear a bin liner and still look good.” 

“You look good.” Steve offered, and was given a disbelieving look from Tony, 

“This from the man whose fashion sense is non-existent?” 

“It’s not that bad.” Steve protested, 

“Yes it is.” Sam laughed, and Steve scowled, was it his fault that he found the sales people in fashion stores slightly (Extremely) terrifying? They were always so eager to touch him everywhere and wanted him to wear things that were so tight and revealing and had holes in. Honestly he’d been scared to breathe or bend over in the ripped skinny jeans he’d been talked into getting and hadn’t dared wear them in public. 

“You should let Pepper dress you.” Tony said, licking his spoon clean, “She’s got great taste.”

“No she hasn’t,” Clint replied, “She dated you!” 

“Screw you bird-brain.” Tony shot back and threw a piece of orange skin at Clint, who caught it and tossed it back, Natasha then grabbed it from Tony’s hand preventing a food fight from starting (Again) they’d only just got the kitchen cleaned from the last one.

“I’ll take you shopping.” She said to Steve in one of her, This is going to happen so don’t bother arguing with me or I will drag you around at knife point, tones.

Steve gave her a weak smile and resigned himself to his fate while wondering if Bucky would mind having a cell mate for a while, at least he might keep some dignity then. 

 

*****

 

Gotham

 

Wayne Manor.

 

Bruce stared at the rows on suits in his wardrobe and sighed heavily. This was ridiculous, he was being ridiculous. 

He was a grown man, he was Batman, the scourge of the underworld, feared by criminals, defender of the innocent, the Dark Knight of Gotham, and yet here he was agonising over what to wear to Lex and Clark’s rehearsal. 

He hadn’t been this nervous over going to an event in years. In fact he couldn’t ever remember being nervous before at all, and yet here he was unable to decide to what to wear to impress his ex-boyfriend. 

His pregnant ex-boyfriend. 

Oh God, Tony wasn’t going to be showing, he’d have a round belly and that glow that pregnant Omega’s had, and that fertile scent that Bruce just knew would drive him insane. 

“I can’t do this.” He moaned, bracing his hands on the rail and leaning forward into the clothes, “This will be the death of me.”

“I doubt that a rehearsal dinner will be the death of you, if The Joker, Riddler, or Penguin have failed too, Master Bruce.” Alfred said, “But, if I might suggest, the midnight blue Armani, it is most becoming on you.”

“No you may not, you meddlesome old man.” Bruce grumbled straightening up and getting the aforementioned suit, which he handed to Alfred and ignored the smug look on the Butlers face,

“Looking forward to seeing Master Stark, are we?” Alfred inquired, impervious to Bruce’s glare, “It has been quite some time since the two of you were last… how best to phrase it?”

“How about you don’t phrase it at all?” Bruce suggested, half-heartedly, he already knew it was a lost cause, 

“In each-others presence.” Alfred concluded, selecting a crisp dark blue, silk shirt and dark blue silk tie to go with the suit.

“Since we were at each-others throats, you mean?” Bruce grunted, going into the ensuite bathroom to get his toiletries, “It’s over, Alfred, it’s been over for years. We are no good for each-other, we never were.” He came back into the bedroom and leaned against the door frame, “You know what it was like when we were together, you saw how bad it got.”

“Yes, but the two of you are not the same people you were back then.” Alfred replied, taking the bag of toiletries and placing them into the suitcase, “I also know that Tony Stark is the only person you have ever pined over.”

Bruce straightened up, “I do not pine.” 

“You pine for him.” Alfred stated, looking Bruce directly in the eye, “You have never had such intense feelings for anyone. Not Selina Kyle, Vicky Vale, Talia, or any of your numerous conquests, the only person you have ever truly been in love with is Tony Stark, and if you let this opportunity pass you by, then you are a fool and will regret it for the rest of your days.” 

Bruce wanted to argue the point, he wanted to yell at Alfred, to say that there was no opportunity, that he and Tony were done and that was that, but he knew he’d be lying, and Alfred was the one person he could never lie to, not convincingly at least. So instead he slumped and gazed at Alfred with a piteous look.

“So what the hell do I do?” He asked his butler, 

“That is for you to figure out, Sir.” Alfred said, zipping the suitcase shut, “All I can suggest is that you be honest and patient, I suspect that Master Tony is feeling just as vulnerable as you,” 

“Honest and patient.” Bruce repeated, two things he was not especially good at, “Well, it’s not as if my future happiness is dependent on whether or not I screw this up, so, why not?” He drawled, with false nonchalance, “After all, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

“With you Sir?” Alfred sighed, a long suffering sigh, “The entire City of Metropolis could burn to the ground.”


	8. Chapter 8

Metropolis

 

“I swear to God, Clark Joseph Kent, if you invite that spoiled, degenerate, asswipe to our wedding, there will not be a wedding!”

Clark winced at Lex’s use of all three of his names, it always reminded him of when he’d done something as a Kid and his Mother was scolding him. However if he said this to Lex then it guaranteed he’d sleeping on the sofa for the week, possibly even the balcony and the pigeons didn’t care where they shit.

“Lex, honey,” He said, hoping to soothe his irate fiancé, who was glaring at him with the kind of intensity that was usually reserved for villains, “Oliver is a friend, he’s coming to the wedding because he wants to celebrate our happiness.” The soothing didn’t work as Lex let out a bark of disbelieving laughter,

“Celebrate our happiness? More like he wants to get hammered at my expense and flirt with you all night.”

Well, yeah, that was probably true. Oliver Queen did flirt outrageously with Clark because he knew it would annoy Lex. The two of them had a rivalry that had been going on since they were both at Excelsior, although Clark got the impression that Oliver was jealous of Lex’s relationship with Bruce and Tony. How he’d been taken under their wings and been given the support of two of America’s most powerful men, where Oliver had not. 

“You know his flirting means nothing to me.” Clark said, giving Lex the lob-sided grin he knew that pushed Lex’s buttons, “How could it? When I see you I am blind to all others, you are like the moon when it’s at it’s full brilliance, you dominate the night sky and all the stars that twinkle around you seem dull in comparison.” 

Lex rolled his eyes, but let Clark pull him down onto his lap and looped his arms about Clark’s neck, “Fine.” He sighed, “Invite the prick, but I make no promises about not strangling him.”

Clark pulled Lex close and laughed into his shoulder, “I promise to help you hide the body if you do.” 

“See? That’s how I know our marriage is going to be perfect.” Lex declared, “We’re already planning how we’ll commit murder and dispose of the evidence, and speaking disposing of the evidence,” he looked to the dining table which had various small servings of foods for them to select from for their reception, “We really need to make some decisions on this lot, or rather I do, as you will eat anything and everything.” He hopped off Clark’s lap and headed for the table just as the intercom buzzed, “That’ll be Tony or Bruce.” Lex said, taking the clear lid off a plate of entrees and hors d’oeuvre while Clark went to answer the buzzer. 

“It’s Tony,” he called back, waiting by the lift for it to arrive and greeted Tony warmly as the Omega came in, 

“Hey,” Lex greeted as Clark led Tony through the penthouse, carrying his suitcase for him, “How are you, how are our three angels?” 

“I’m uncomfortable and as for our angels, I think they are more devil’s than angelic.” Tony replied, hugging Lex and grinning at Lex’s almost girlish squeal of delight over his rapidly growing abdomen, accepting Lex’s hand’s over the roundness that he generally didn’t want attention drawn to, but with Lex it was different, he was family and Tony had no reason to feel uncomfortable around him because Lex would never do anything to hurt him, emotionally or physically. 

“Are they moving yet?” Clark asked, as he returned from putting the suitcase in the guest room.

“I think so.” Tony replied, “I keep feeling…. I don’t know, butterflies I guess, but it’s too soon for they to be kicking or anything.”

“I can’t wait until they start.” Lex declared, linking arms with Tony and leading him to the table, “You can help select the menu choices.”

“Well I already said ice cream and ketchup.”

“Yeah, that isn’t happening.”

Clark’s phone buzzed as the two billionaire’s chatted and began to sample the selections, “Mom’s plane has arrived.” He said, “I’m gonna go and pick her up from the airport.” 

“Okay,” Lex called back popping an hors d’oeuvre in his mouth and making a face, “Oh God!”, he spat into the bin and shuddered, “That is off the list.”

 

*****

 

The penthouse wasn’t too far from the airport so Clark got there just as Martha got through customs and was making her way outside of the building, she laughed as Clark swept her up into a hug and took her bags from her with one deft move. 

“How was the flight?” he asked, leading her to the car,

“Good, how are you, how is Lex?” Martha replied, 

“He’s great, he and Tony are picking out the menu selection.” 

“I hope you’re not letting him decide on everything Clark, it’s your wedding too.” The was a sharpness in Martha’s tone that made Clark sigh. While she had never been like Jonathon and openly hostile to Lex, she was still uncertain about their relationship and cautious of whether or not Lex was a good choice for Clark, especially considering all Lionel had done. 

“Mom, you know I’m not any good at deciding things like that.” Clark replied, opening the trunk and putting the luggage in, “He showed me napkins in different shades of purple and to be honest, they all looked the same, I have picked the song we’ll have our first dance too though, and we’ve selected the wedding cake together.” That had been easy to decide on, enough chocolate that it gave you diabetes from just looking at it. 

“So long as you are happy.” Martha said, getting into the car, which she had clearly noted was one of Lex’s sports cars and not Clark’s beloved truck. 

“I am Mom,” Clark said, giving her a huge smile, “I’ve never been happier, I’m getting married to the man I love and we’ll be parents soon, to three babies, three! We’ll have a whole family.” 

“True.” Martha agreed looking out of the window at Metropolis, “Are you sure you want to raise them in the city though? It’d be much safer in the country.” In Smallville she meant, where she could be more involved, perhaps a little too involved. While she wouldn’t mean to interfere she would not be able to help herself, especially in the first weeks when they’d be struggling to find their feet in caring for the little ones. 

“Our lives are in Metropolis, Mom, and it’s a stones throw from New York, so they can see Tony often.” 

“I know, but it’s something to think about, especially with amount of attention is going to be on those children.” 

Clark bit his bottom lip to keep from snapping back, he knew his Mother meant well, that she was only thinking of them and the children and she did have a point, the tabloid paps were always following Lex around, they’d be even worse once the babies arrived, and there would be kidnapping threats as there often were for the children of very wealthy parents, but the Penthouse had the best security in the world, if a Nanny was hired then he or she would be very well vetted, and the kids parents were superheroes! Who better to keep them safe? 

“We’ll be fine.” He said, glancing at his Mother and gave her a reassuring smile, “We talked about this a lot before we went to see Tony, we are ready for this. Or as ready as anybody is for a baby.”

Martha smile and patted his knee, “I know you are, I’m just worrying. It’s a parents prerogative, something you’ll come to understand yourself soon enough, especially when you are trying to keep three active toddlers out of mischief.”

“Good thing I can move quick,”

“Oh believe me, you’ll need to, and you’ll need eyes in the back of your head, enjoy the peace and quiet you have now, because once your babies arrive it’ll be gone for good.”

 

Tony and Lex had migrated to the balcony when Clark and Martha arrived from the airport, they were drinking iced tea as they chatted and looked at things on the computer.

“Hey, baby, come and look at these super cute, Superman onesies,” Lex called to Clark, “We have got to get them for the babies.” 

“Oh God.” Clark groaned, taking a look at the garish blue and red onesies, 

“Oh they are adorable.” Martha said, greeting Lex with a kiss, “And you must be Tony,” She said looking to the pregnant Omega, 

“Mrs Kent.” Tony greeted, shaking her hand,

“Martha please, anyone who is carrying my grandchildren has to call me Martha.” She looked Tony over, noting the dark circles under his eyes and pallor of his skin, “How are you feeling?” She asked with a frown, 

“Oh great, aside from the heartburn, morning sickness that can’t tell time, cravings, and going off foods, soreness, and general discomfort,” He cast a narrow eyed look at Lex, “I am keeping a tally of all this, you are aware of that. I expect to be well compensated.” 

“Yes, I’m aware. You want a dozen Iron Man ice sculptures, a flock of penguins, an Olympic sized swimming pool full of melted chocolate sprinkled over in gold dust, and a herd of unicorns.”

Clark was about to comment on the ridiculous list of demands when he paused, his head cocking to the side, “What?” Lex asked, seeing the gesture,

“There’s been an accident, a cruise liner has capsized.” Clark replied looking regretful, 

“Go,” Lex instructed him, “Be careful, and come home soon.” Clark gave him a chaste kiss and sped off to change into his suit then took to the sky, heading for the ship. Leaving Lex, Martha, and Tony coo over the baby clothes.

 

*****

 

Bruce sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to ease the headache that was pounding through his temples. A car trip with all four of his Sons was never easy, they were all restless creatures and disliked being confined for a long period of time. This particular trip was even more trying than normal as all four of the spoiled brats had decided to gang up on him and advise him about his love life, or, as Jason so “Thoughtfully” put it, “Fucking lack thereof.”

“You should buy him flowers.” Tim declared, bouncing in the seat opposite Bruce. They had taken the limo and Alfred was driving, he had the panel rolled down and was grinning at Bruce in the rear view mirror, indifferent to the glares that Bruce set his way. 

“Stark isn’t a girl, Drake,” Damian scoffed, “He’s a knocked up fool who flies around in a tin can.”

“Damian, watch your tone,” Bruce scolded, Damian shrugged unrepentantly, 

“It’s true.”

“You need to be charming.” Dick said, from the passenger seat besides Alfred, he was twisted around so he could look at Bruce who glowered at him, “Don’t be all, broody and sullen and Bat-ish, just be, you know… well not you, because you suck at this kind of thing, be more romantic and seductive.” Bruce gave his eldest a smile that promised hours of pain during training, 

“Thank you, Richard, I’ll bear it in mind.”

“Just shove your tongue down his throat and your hand between his…”

“Jason!” Bruce cried, his cheeks flushing at the thought, 

“He want’s a relationship with Stark, not a quick fuck, you imbecile.” Damian sneered,

“Language.” Bruce scolded, even though he knew it would make no difference, “And can we please change the subject. This wedding rehearsal is about Clark and Lex, not me and Tony, so let it go.”

“Screw the alien and his hairless boyfriend,” Damian spat, “This is more important, it’s about you not being alone when you become decrepit, which isn’t that far away.” Alfred made a noise like he was choking on his own tongue, Dick grinned at Damian and Jason was just about rolling out of his seat he was laughing so hard, even Tim was spluttering, although he was making the effort to hide this behind his hands. 

“I am serious.” Damian persisted, ignoring his Brother’s laughter, “You should have a suitable mate, Father before it’s too late for you, and I believe that I find Stark suitable enough to be step-parent for myself, he isn’t too idiotic, and he already knows that you are Batman, so he is acceptable.” 

As blessings went it wasn’t exactly beautiful but Bruce couldn’t really have asked for anything better from Damian, at least is things did progress with Tony how he hoped they would then Damian wouldn’t make trouble which was something he had worried about. 

“Well hey, you’ve got the blessing from Hell-spawn here, you’ve gotta make good on this now.” Jason declared, still grinning from ear to ear, 

“Don’t call me that, red riding hood.” Damian snarled, kicking at Jason’s legs only to have his foot caught between Jason’s knees, his shoe pulled off and his foot tickled. “Father make him stop!” 

“Give Damian his foot back Jason, preferably attached to his body.” Bruce said, “Damian, do not throw your shoe at Jason, put it back on your foot, and don’t swear in Arabic, or any language.”

“Alfred, how much further?” Dick asked, “I think world war three might break out if we’re too much longer.”

“Not long now, Master Dick,” Alfred replied, and glanced at Bruce in the rear view mirror, “By the way Sir, I took the liberty of packing your best cologne, the one that Master Tony started buying you years ago, and the one you always use when you are, how shall I put it? On the pull?” 

“I hate all of you.” Bruce snarled through gritted teeth, praying for this nightmare car trip to be over with soon.


	9. Chapter 9

Atlantic Ocean.

 

People started cheering the moment Clark broke the sound barrier and appeared, descending to the sea and began to get the life boats off the capsized ship, once he had them floating safely away from the liner he began to get the passengers and crew out of the sea and safely into the boats, more however were still trapped in the sinking ship that he needed to save, so he dived into the sea and swam around the ship until he found a way inside the begin getting those trapped outside of the ship. 

Some people were dead, some drowned, some of injuries when the ship had capsized, those he couldn’t save and had to regretfully swim past them so he could focus on saving those who were still alive. 

The sounds of children crying and a man and woman trying to soothe them caught his attention first, Clark tore the door off it’s hinges finding a family standing on an upturned bed, huddled against each other as the sea flooded their room. 

“Superman!” the youngest, a girl of perhaps four or five cried. She let go of her Mother’s hand and leaped at Clark who caught her easily and balanced her so she was nestled against his shoulder, 

“I’m going to need you all to shut your eyes and hold your breath.” He said to the girls parents and elder brothers. They nodded their heads, scrambling over to him and huddling into embrace, “Alright, on the count of three, take a deep breath and don’t let it out until we reach the surface.” Clark instructed them, “One, two, three!”

He sped them through the water and got the family to the nearest boat, those inside taking them and getting them settled while Clark went back down inside the liner. 

Clark had rescued at least two thirds of the passengers and crew when he sensed that he was not alone, he was heading into the most damaged part of the ship when he heard the beating of a heart unlike any of the humans on board. 

He spun around and came face to face with a man covered in elaborate tattoos, with long dark hair, and the most ethereal eyes Clark had ever seen in his life.

“You gonna stare at me or are we gonna save these people?” the man grunted, gesturing to the remaining souls on the ship. Clark closed his mouth with a snap and nodded his head, stepping back and allowing the strange being to go before him. 

With the odd being’s help it took far less time to finish emptying the ship and getting everybody into the lifeboats that it would have done if Clark had been working alone. 

Once they were done Clark hovered above the sea as the man who’d helped him trod water with ease. 

“Thank you for the help,” Clark said offering the man a broad smile and a hand which was ignored, “I’m super..,”

“I know who you are, I don’t spend all my time under the sea.” The man shot back. He looked around, “Don’t you usually have a side kick, some purple dude, Butterfly, Fruitfly…?” 

“Dragonfly.” Clark corrected, his lips twitching. Lex would hit the roof if he heard what he was being called, “And he’d not exactly my side-kick, he’s…”

“You’re banging him,” the man dead panned and shrugged, “That’s cool, prefer chicks myself, but hey, whatever floats your boat right?” 

“Right.” Clark agreed, “And uh, what do I call you?”

The man pursed his lips and looked around at the people staring at them from the life boats, “Aquaman.” He said and backflipped down into the ocean, swimming away at great speed.

“Aquaman.” Clark repeated, he nodded his head hoping that he’d meet the man again.

 

*****

 

Metropolis

 

Since Lex and Clark’s penthouse couldn’t accommodate his brood of brats, plus himself and Alfred, Bruce had booked three suites at a hotel. He would share with Damian since he didn’t trust the brat not to cause trouble if left unsupervised, while Tim would share with Alfred, leaving Jason and Dick to share. 

This was risky as the two would likely hit the mini bar and order porn, but they should leave the suite intact which wouldn’t happen if Damian were in with one of them and not himself.

They swiftly settled in, Bruce ordering the boys to unpack and not just live out of their suitcases for several days, ignoring Damian’s petulant complaints and sulking as he was made to hang his clothes up in the wardrobe and place his shirts, and underwear into the draws. 

While Damian begrudgingly did this, Bruce changed into the midnight blue Armani and freshened up in the bathroom, adding the aftershave that Alfred had suggested for him. He noted with disgust that his hands were shaking and clenched them into fists. 

“You’re a grown man for God sakes, just get a grip.” 

“Fuck, you’re pathetic!” This of course came from Damian who was leaning against the door frame smirking obnoxiously at him. 

Bruce straightened up and scowled at his Son, “Privacy Damian, we’ve talked about this.” The insolent brat scoffed at him and rolled his eyes, “Also respect and manners.” Damian just sneered at him, bearing his teeth as he made his way back into the bedroom. 

“You can damn well show some manners to Lex, Clark, and their guests or you’re grounded.”

“Screw you!” 

“Damian…,”

“Screw you, Father.” Bruce sighed heavily and gave up, he didn’t need the headache of trying to make the vindictive and horrid child behave. The door to the suite was knocked on, or really pounded on by Jason who shouted through the wood, 

“Hurry the fuck up, we wanna go!”

“Language.” Bruce yelled, at the same time as Damian swore at Jason in Arabic, “Manners Damian.” He said again, tossing the boy his jacket as he made his way to the door, finding Jason lounging in the doorway, his collar undone, shirt hanging out of his trousers, and tie hanging loose about his throat. 

“What the hell, were you jacking off to thoughts of Star-ACK!” Jason broke off as Bruce tightened his tie to the point that it was strangling him and shoved the young man forward.

“Get yourself dressed,” He scolded, as Jason loosened his tie, coughing and rubbing at his throat, 

“He wasn’t jacking off, he was being pathetic.” Damian informed his older brother, immune to Bruce’s glower and shoved past the two of them, to join Alfred, Tim, and Dick, who were at least smartly dressed, although Dick had forgone the tie completely, something that Jason was no doubt wishing he had done. 

“Ready?” Alfred asked with a bright smile and wicked twinkle in his eyes that Bruce resolutely ignored, 

“As I’ll ever be.” He said, feeling like he was about to go into battle, yet he didn’t remember ever being this nervous when in the suit and going into actual battle. 

Damian was right, he was pathetic.

 

*****

 

Penthouse.

 

Tony checked himself out in the mirror again, tugging at the maternity cut suit jacket. It was high waisted and flowing over his rounded middle, as was the crisp white shirt he wore beneath, and the trousers had a soft elasticated waist that was comfortable and hidden beneath the folds of his shirt and jacket. 

“Okay, I can do this.” He said to his reflection, “I can do this,”

“I swear to God, Queen, if you look at Clark’s ass one more time…!”

“I can do this and keep Lex from committing murder.” 

 

Tony left his room and found Lex standing off against an obnoxiously smug Oliver Queen, who was smirking at him, having obviously been pushing Lex’s buttons again.

“Remember Lex, getting rid of the body will be more hassle than it’s worth.” He said, patting Lex’s shoulder and making his way to the wet bar where he poured himself an ice tea, freezing up when the buzzer went, 

“I’ll get that,” Lex said, making sure his shoulder hit Oliver’s as he went past him.

“Try to be a little less of an asshole for once, will you?” Tony suggested to Oliver, who smirked at him, his expression changing and becoming openly affectionate as Clark came back from his and Lex’s bedroom where he’d been changing out of his suit,

“Damn, Clark, you sure look fine.” He said, very loudly so Lex would over hear and growled at him,

“Knock it off, Ollie,” Clark said, shaking his head, he smiled as the lift doors opened revealing Bruce and his family, while Tony froze, feeling like a deer in the headlights as he saw Bruce Wayne.

 

Clark and Lex greeted them, shaking hands with Bruce and Alfred, although Lex insisted on hugging Bruce despite his protests, but it was only a ruse to whisper into his ear, “Go and work your charm, but keep in mind, if you hurt him, Clark and I will disembowel you, slowly.”

Bruce fixed a smile to his face as he pulled back from Lex, “Understood,” he said, nodding to Oliver Queen and gazed at Tony who was staring back at him looking equally as nervous as Bruce himself felt.

“Go and speak to him, dumbass!” Dick hissed into his ear and Tim oh so helpfully kicked the back of his ankles to get him moving.

Gritting his teeth against the pain that shot up the back of his legs, Bruce made his way over to Tony, having to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth when he reached him, “Hi,” he could have kicked himself, and he was supposed to be smooth!

Tony however didn’t do much better, giving him a timid “Hi,” in return and shifted nervously, “So, how have you been?”

“Good,” Bruce replied, feeling like an awkward teenager, he pretended not to hear the groaning from Tim or the scoff from Damian, “Driven half insane by the brats I live with, but you know, it could be worse.”

“Yeah,” Tony chuckled, “You could live with a couple of master assassins, a guy with breath taking anger management issues, a super soldier and his puppy dog fan boy.” 

“Well that’s true,” and just like that, the ice was broken and they were smiling at each other, their postures relaxing and smiles becoming genuine instead of strained. 

 

Across the room Lex leaned against Clark’s chest with Clark’s arms wrapped around his waist, the two of them watching Bruce and Tony’s interaction.  
“Would you look at that?” Lex murmured,

“I thought it was supposed to be over between them.” Clark said with a frown, and Lex chuckled,

“Oh honey, one thing you need to know about Bruce and Tony is that they are never over, they only take breaks from each other until they get back together.”

“And you think it’s a good idea for them to…. Date, while Tony’s carrying our babies?” Clark asked, not certain he liked the thought of Tony being intimate with anyone while he was pregnant. Not because he wanted Tony for himself, more because he was feeling protective of the litter and the Omega himself. Lex however just shrugged,

“It’ll bring out Bruce’s protective, nurturing instincts.”

“Nurturing, have you met Damian?” 

“Oh be fair, the boy was raised by psychopaths for his earliest years.” Lex did have a point there, but Clark wasn’t going to relax just yet, and Bruce did anything to upset Tony, then Batman or not, he’d have Superman to deal with.


	10. Chapter 10

The rehearsal dinner was being held at the Metropolis Plaza, where more guests had arrived, including Lois and Jimmy, who greeted Clark enthusiastically. Lois had a gleam in her eye that meant she was looking for a story or an interview when she eyed Lex, Tony, and Bruce. 

“We are off the clock right now, Lois.” Clark reminded her, 

“A good reporter is never off the clock, Smallville.” Lois retorted, with a flick of her perfectly coiffed hair she made her way over to Tony a predatory smile spreading over her face. “Mr Stark,” She greeted holding out her hand, “Lois Lane, Daily Planet.”

“Miss Lane.” Tony said, shaking her hand, “You must be Clark’s friend and co-worker.”

“I am, I’m sure he’s told you all sorts of things about me,” Lois said, Tony shrugged neither confirming or denying this. “It’s funny though, he’s told me very little about you, about how you came to be surrogate for him and Lex.”

“Because that is something, we want to remain private, Miss Lane.” Lex said, joining the conversation, he handed Tony’s a ginger ale with plenty of ice, which Tony gratefully accepted and sipped. The car ride from the penthouse had made him nauseous and he hoped that the ginger would help settle his stomach.

“It is such a heart warming tale though.” Lois said, eyeing the two Billionaires, “A poor Kansas farm boy finds love with a playboy Billionaire and turns him into an honest man, and another playboy Billionaire has babies for them. It’s the stuff Rom/Coms are made of.”

“Indeed?” Lex arched an amused eyebrow, “Well in which case I hope they cast Leo Dicaprio to play me.” He gave Lois a smile that was all teeth, “As enjoyable as this chat has been, there are other guests we must speak with, do enjoy the evening now.” Before Lois could protest he had pulled Tony away, wrapping a protective arm about the Omega’s waist as they went and grabbed hold of Clark, tugging him down to hiss into his ear, “Put a damn leash on Lane will you?” 

“If that was possible don’t you think it would have already been done?” Clark shot back, “That woman doesn’t have an off switch.” Something that Bruce was learning as Lois, having been thwarted by Lex had turned her attention to the Gotham Billionaire.

“We do so rarely see you outside of Gotham, Mr Wayne, and certainly not with your entire family. Four Boys, that must keep things lively.”

Bruce huffed a small laugh, “Miss Lane, you have no idea.” He said, and wasn’t that the truth? If the world only knew the kind of mayhem that went on in the manor when all four boys were in residence….

“This is also the first time you and Tony have Stark have been present at a function in… how long is it now?” 

“A long time.” Bruce replied, his gaze finding it’s way to Tony without him even trying. He was still at Lex’s side, speaking with other guests and sipping at the ginger ale, as if feeling eyes on him, Tony’s head turned and he caught Bruce’s gaze, their eyes meeting and for a moment the room fell silent. Everything seemed to just melt away leaving them as the only two people in the room. 

Vaguely Bruce was away of Lois talking in the background but he wasn’t paying any attention to the words, it was white noise, a buzz on the very edge of his hearing, his focus was on the pregnant Omega at Lex’s side, whose cheeks had taken on a pleasant pink hue and whose kissable lips were curved slightly upward in the start of a smile. 

“You’ll go blind.” 

The unexpected comment brought Bruce out of his staring and he saw Oliver Queen lounging against the wall, an obnoxiously smug smirk on his face as he gazed at Bruce. “If stare much longer you’ll go blind.” He said, his grin widened and gaze flicking downwards, “Or make a mess of your pants.”

Bruce felt no sympathy for Oliver when his elbow mercilessly thumped the other Billionaire in the stomach as he went past him, “Fuck off and die, Queen.”

Coughing and laughing Oliver recovered quickly and turned his attention to a frustrated Lois, “Hi, Oliver Queen, You’re the intrepid Miss Lane, aren’t you?” 

Bruce’s lips quirked slightly, Oliver might be a professional pain in the ass but he didn’t mind taking one for the team, so to speak, and taking Lois off his, Lex, and Tony’s back’s for the night was something Bruce very much appreciated. Especially when he saw that the seating arrangements had him and Tony next to each other. 

“Now I wonder how that happened.” Bruce muttered to himself looking to Lex who had a far to innocent expression for it to possibly be genuine. 

 

***** 

 

Clark and Lex were at the centre of the top table, with Martha on Clark’s right then Lois and Jimmy.   
Bruce was on Lex’s left, then Tony, Tim, Dick, Damian, Jason, and Alfred. 

As they still hadn’t completely decided on a menu, the meal was a selection of various dishes for the guests to try and the favourites to be selected for the wedding. Lex vehemently vetoed Tony’s demands for Onion rings and sour cream and chive dip, or tomato ketchup and ice cream no matter how much Tony pleaded and tried to use the, ‘I am your surrogate you have to humour me’ card. 

“What’s it like being pregnant, Mr Stark?” Tim asked curiously. At Sixteen he was now having regular heats and had been for two years. One day he may have a family himself and was naturally curious as to what it was like to be pregnant. 

“It’s Tony, and Pregnancy is uncomfortable, at the moment anyway.” Tony replied, shoving the sirloin steak to the side of his plate with a grimace, he usually loved steak, but right now he couldn’t stand it. Just another food he was going to have to do without for several months it seemed. 

“I’m told it gets better after the first trimester is done. The morning sickness eases, as does the… other less than pleasant symptoms.” He didn’t really think a sixteen year old needed to know the full details. 

“Why are you so curious Timmy?” Dick asked, shoving a whole garlic roasted potato in his mouth despite Bruce’ glare at his lack of manners. “Are you planning on making Bruce a Grandad?” Bruce’s glare became murderous, which of course only spurred Dick on, “I mean, I know he’s plenty old enough, but I think you should wait for a few more years, just until he’s completely ancient.”

As Tony choked on laughter, Bruce glowered at his eldest brat. “If you wish to live long enough to see those years I suggest you cease speaking now.” He growled, only to have his knee patted by Lex, who mockingly soothed him, 

“Poor Brucie, so disrespected. Don’t worry though, you’re still a looker even in your dotage!”

“You do want to live to be wed, don’t you?” Bruce snarled,

“Aww, stop picking on Rue, I think he looks better now than he did twenty years ago.” Tony said, coming to Bruce’s rescue and using the old nickname that Bruce hadn’t heard in years. Most people called his Brucie or B as a nickname, but Tony had always used Rue. The term of endearment brought a pleasant warmth to Bruce’s stomach, even more so than the compliment about his appearance did. 

“At least someone at this table appreciates fine things.” He said, smiling back at Tony, 

“No he doesn’t. He likes you!” This of course came from the hell spawn currently sat at the table who was slapped on the back by a guffawing Jason. Even Alfred looked to be stifling laughter, traitorous bastard!

With a long suffering sigh Bruce looked to Tony, “Don’t have children, they just grow up to drive you insane.”

“Little bit late.” Tony said, resting a hand over his stomach, “But fortunately it’ll be Lex and Clark they’ll be torturing rather than me.” 

“Torture?” Clark asked with a bemused smile and Martha chuckled, 

“Just wait for the temper tantrums, you certainly had your Dad and I on our toes.” Her smile turned a little wistful, “I wish he could have seen this.” Beneath the table Clark’s hand found Lex’s knee and squeezed gently. They both knew that Jonathon would have razed hell over his marrying Lex, he would never have accepted their relationship, not as Superman and Dragonfly, or as Clark and Lex. 

What he would have thought of the pregnancy Clark didn’t know. The babies weren’t his by blood, but even if they had been they would not have been Jonathon’s grandchildren by blood anyway. They were however Lionel’s by blood, something that would have tainted them in Jonathon Kent’s eyes. 

Would his Dad have been cruel towards the babies, rejected them because of their Paternal GrandFather? Clark would like to think not but honestly with how hostile and obtuse Jonathon had been towards Lex, Clark was not sure. 

Lex offered Martha a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “He’s looking down on us, I’m sure.” This earned him a genuine smile from Martha and Clark breathed a sigh of relief as the tension ebbed away. 

“Of course, it does mean that I have to make a speech instead of him.” Martha added, “Although not tonight I hope, as I haven’t finalized anything yet.”

“No, no, nothing like that tonight, unless you want to say anything.” Lex assured her. “I’m only having Bruce and Tony do it tonight because they are used to public speaking.”

“And loathe it.” Bruce said, 

“Yeah, we both appointed someone else to be C.E.O of our respective companies. What does that tell you?” Tony asked, looking down the table at Lex,

“That you’re both lazy, good for nothing, playboys?” 

“Besides the obvious.” Bruce said with easy self-derision.

“Yes, you should look beyond the obvious, Lexy, dear boy, or you may miss something hiding in plain sight.” 

Everyone froze as they looked at the liveried waiter before them, seeing him remove a flesh mask from his face, revealing the scarred, unnaturally pale, and grease painted features of The Joker.

The Joker cackled manically and a dozen more waiters revealed they too had been wearing flesh masks, including Harley Quinn, who removed a wig she’d been wearing over her bleach blonde, pink, and blue hair.

“Puddin’ an I didn’t wanna miss the party. I do love a party.” She enthused and let loose a stream of bullets into the ceiling, bringing down a chandelier.

 

Guests screamed, over turning their chairs and running, a few making it to the exits before Joker’s men sealed them off. Sadly none of the top table got away, only succeeding in getting up from their chairs and being separated as Joker’s men took control. 

The deranged Clown cackled and drew a large chunk of green kryptonite from his pocket, laying it on the table. “Just in case the boy in blue tights decides to make an appearance.” He said, patting it as if it were a dog, “I hate having my fun interrupted, I get enough of that at home, with Batshit spraying his guano all over my plans.” 

“And his birdies crapping all over,” Harley offered up, but Joker wasn’t listening, his focus was Lex and he grinned, revealing his metal teeth as he advanced on Lex reaching out and stroking the Billionaire’s head. 

“Lexy, baby. I’m hurt. You didn’t invite me and I knew your Daddy so well.” 

“Really?” Lex drawled, refusing to show any fear, despite his terror at being this close to deranged clown and the fact that Clark was in close proximity to kryptonite, leaving him vulnerable and powerless. He was pressed between Martha and Bruce, who were half holding him up and trying to conceal how sick he was getting. 

“Oh yeah.” Joker drawled pulling on Lex’s head and pushing their face’s together, so his cheek was pressed against Lex’s. The Billionaire recoiled and tried to jerk away, but Joker held him fast. “Your Daddy and I go way back. Where do you think I got this pretty rock from, hmm?” Joker chuckled, leaning back and grasped Lex’s chin in painful grip, “He was such a good friend of mine.”

“Yeah, share a padded cell at Arkham did you?” Lex spat, he slammed his head forward, head butting Joker, knocking the psychopath back and making him fall to his knees. Lex’s cursed as his head spun and yelped as he was shot by Harley, falling to the ground and clutching at his side. 

“Lex!” Clark cried, stumbling over to him, he fell to his knees at his Fiancé’s side, his head spinning and stomach churning. In his veins his blood felt like it was boiling, his whole body felt too hot, his skin over sensitized and agonisingly painful. 

“Whoo hoo!” Joker yelled, “I like that spirit Lexy-boy, I’ll enjoy cutting it out of you!” He took out his razor, advancing on Lex and Clark threateningly, but Tony stood before them. 

“Back off.” He growled, standing his ground. In his pocket he had sent out a distress signal to Jarvis on his phone, alerting the AI and the Avengers. He just hoped they’d arrive in time to stop Joker before anyone got hurt or killed. 

“Well now.” Joker drawled looking Tony over, his black ringed soulless eyes taking in every detail, “If it isn’t Iron baby Mamma, Ha ha. You know my Harley wants a baby, but honestly, do I look like the kind of guy that does nappies?” 

“You’ll be a terrific Father, Mr J.” Harley said, helping herself to a guests diamond necklace and earrings. 

“Hush up, sugar, Daddy’s busy.” Joker called out, wrapping an arm about Tony’s shoulders and holding him close, “I still don’t know if Daddyhood is my thing, what d’you think, Tony-tunes? Being all, knocked up an all?” 

“Get away from him!” Damian yelled, tearing away from Alfred, but being stopped in his tracks by one of Joker’s men who knocked him on his backside and aimed the barrel of his automatic at his head.

“Now, now, don’t shoot the little runt. I like my Veal served extra rare!” Joker laughed and waved his razor mockingly as Jason, Tim, Dick, and Alfred made abortive moves to get to Damian. As did Bruce but he was too far away and caught between the horror of his Son at Joker’s non-existent mercy and Tony. “So baby mamma, what d’you think?” Joker asked Tony again, stroking his cheek with the razor blade.

Tony’s lips pulled back in revulsion at having Joker this close to him. “I think you’re a deranged lunatic who needs locking up in the deepest darkest blackest hole on the planet.” He bit back a wince as the razor dig slightly into his cheek drawing a small bead of blood.

“Do you wanna know how I got these scars?” Joker purred, 

Tony ripped open his shirt bearing his chest, “Wanna know how I got this scar?” he shot back meaning the mangled scar from the arc reactor and subsequent surgeries. 

The Joker reacted with delight, his eyes widening and an aroused noise escaping his mouth, “Oh baby do I, it’s fucking beautiful.” He bent and ran his tongue over the scarring making Tony cry out in sickened horror, stumbling away from the Joker who leered at him, “Oh come back to Daddy.”

“That’s enough!” Bruce bellowed drawing the Joker’s attention onto himself, “Leave him alone, you sadistic freak!”

“Don’t you call my Puddin’ a freak!” Harley yelled, shooting at Bruce, who dodged the bullets which hit the windows behind him, fracturing the glass that spiderwebbed. Laughing, the Joker caught Bruce, aiming the razor at his throat and backing him up against the window. 

“Brucie, Brucie, baby. I’ve missed you. It’s been way too long.”

“Not long enough.” Bruce spat back, “What do you want?” 

“Me? I just want to enjoy the celebrations of Lexy and farm-boy’s nuptials, and when I heard that Three of America’s favourite Sons were going to be present how could I resist?” He grinned and leaned close to Bruce, “After all, what better place for America’s most hated Son to be?” 

“How about the nut house, Psycho?” Jason snarled, his body tense with rage and frustration at not being able to fight, 

“How about you shut up before I cut your tongue out and eat it?” Joker called back, and laughed, “Oh Lexy, this is truly a great party, and I’ve just thought of a present for you. You’ll love it, it’s SMASHING!” Without warning he shoved Bruce backwards into the window, which damaged as it was couldn’t hold his weight and shattered.


	11. Chapter 11

New York.

 

Avengers Tower.

 

“Oh you are dead, oh so dead, look at you, totally and completely dead!” Clint crowed, doing a ridiculous victory dance at defeating Steve at a video game. 

Steve sighed heavily, regarding his “Dead” character on the TV screen. While he was making every effort to settle into modern society he still couldn’t quite grasp the love of Video games the way Clint seemed to adore them, and he didn’t know why his character had to be a very busty woman in just enough leather to be covering her breasts and backside. But Clint had insisted that one of them had to be a girl and that Steve had to be the one because he already had his character selected.

“Oh yeah, Captain America is defeated, all Hail Hawkeye, the baddest badass of them all!” Clint cheered actually jumping up onto the sofa swaying his arms above his head and gyrating his hips in a way that would not have been out of place in a strip joint.

Steve watched him with bemusement, from the end of the sofa Banner chuckled softly shaking his head while Sam cheered Clint on and Natasha just sighed and rolled her eyes, looking to Steve.

“And the frightening thing is, he is actually mature enough to have had children.”

Steve huffed a small laugh as Clint stuck his tongue out at Natasha, back flipped off the sofa and loudly declared that he must celebrate his victory with ice cream and brownies.

“Want to try again, with a different character?” Sam asked Steve, moving to take Clint’s place, the sounds of his off key singing of “Kissed a girl and liked it” echoed from the kitchen along with the noise of crockery being moved about.

“No, I don’t think this is really for me.” Steve replied, wincing at Clint’s “singing” although cat strangling would have been more accurate. He looked to Natasha who was focused on her tablet, scrolling through some of the decrypted files Tony and Jarvis had sorted from Hydra.

“Anything interesting?” Steve asked her,

“A lot.” Natasha replied, “It seems that Hydra were forming a database of Metahumans, Mutants, and the like. Most likely in an effort to use them to build a super-powered army, or to neutralize them as potential threats.” 

Steve flinched at the term neutralize, knowing it was a polite phrase for murder. It was sickening, Hydra were gathering information about these people, would attempt to make use of them and their abilities, or just kill them if they resisted. 

Natasha frowned, “Jarvis? Why can’t access the files on the individuals?” She asked, glancing up at the ceiling, a habit that they all had when addressed Jarvis despite knowing that he didn’t really live in the ceiling. 

“I apologise Agent Romanoff, but Sir has restricted access to the details on the persons of interest to Hydra. He did say before he left for metropolis that he would like to speak with you about them individually before he grants access.”

Natasha sighed and set her tablet down. She wasn’t even going to bother to try and hack Stark security, it would be a wasted effort and she could learn everything she wanted when Tony got home. Her lack of activity to focus her attention on meant that she witnessed Clint bringing through the worlds biggest chocolate fudge brownie ice cream sundae ever made.

“Damn man, you could feed a family of four with that.” Sam declared, as Clint sat down and began to eat the frozen treat with enthusiasm, smacking Sam’s hand away when he tried to get one of wafers wedged into the whipped cream on top. 

“Tony will be mad if you’ve eaten all the ice cream.” Banner warned, Clint shrugged, 

“I’ll blame Natasha. Stark’s scared shitless of her so he won’t do anything.” At Natasha’s murderous look her nervously added, “Well everyone is scared shitless of her, she is terrifying.”

Natasha looked pleased by this “Compliment?” was it a compliment? Steve supposed it might be for a master assassin and spy. After all it was accurate, Natasha was terrifying. 

He was just contemplating going to get a sketch book from his floor, yes floor. Apparently, Tony didn’t do simple rooms for people staying with him, he had to provide entire floors for them with full apartments as well as allow them full access to his own living room and kitchen. 

Insanely generous was what Steve would call it, eccentric and endearing was how Banner described it. Stark being Stark, was Natasha’s take on it, while Sam and Clint just whooped in joy and began to make the most of all the luxuries now available to them. Steve could understand this, he enjoyed luxuries himself, especially after growing up in the depression when a full hearty meal could be considered a luxury. But he did not understand Clint’s decision to spend six hours straight in the hot tub, that just seemed excessive.

He was just about to get up from his seat when an alarm rang out throughout the penthouse. 

“Avengers, I have received a distress signal from Sir.” Jarvis said, “He is requesting one of the suits on remote control.” 

“What’s the situation, Jarvis?” Steve asked, on his feet in a moment, the others following him, poised to get into gear and head out in the jet. 

“I am accessing security cameras in Sir’s vicinity now.” The AI replied, there was a brief pause and then he spoke again sounding concerned, “It appears that Mr Luthor and Mr Kent’s rehearsal dinner has been gate crashed by The Joker and Harley Quinn. They are holding the guests at gun point.” 

“The Joker.” Steve repeated, the name ringing a bell, 

“Deranged psychopathic clown. Generally sticks to Gotham City and pissing off Batman, but occasionally hops the bay to Metropolis to bother to Dragonfly and Superman.” Clint explained, “The man is completely insane, there’s no telling what he might do.”

“Then we’re needed.” Steve said, “Suit up and meet on the jet in five minutes,” He paused and glanced to Banner who was taking off his glasses and placing them into his pocket, “We’ll try not to need the other guy but if necessary…”

“No worries Captain,” Banner assured him with a smile, “The Other guy adores Tony, if Joker hurts a hair on his head, there is not going to be much left but a grease stain of the Clown.” 

They were in the jet in five minutes and air-born just moments after that and heading for Metropolis with Jarvis feeding them updates and making the authorities aware of their imminent arrival. 

 

*****

 

Metropolis

 

The glass shattered as Bruce’s body impacted against it, his body falling through the window and out into the cool night air. 

“BRUCE!” Tony screamed in terror, he ran to the window only to be grabbed by the Clown who was laughing in deranged adulation over pushing Bruce Wayne out of a window. 

“Now, now, Baby Mamma, don’t get too close, or you could stumble and fall.” He cackled, wrapping his arms about a struggling Tony and pressing his razor against Tony’s throat. His rancid breath was hot on Tony’s skin as he spoke into Tony’s ear, pushing his scarred face against Tony’s head. 

On seeing their Father being thrown out of a window the Bat family had tried to rush forward, but bullets had been fired at the ground by their feet and Harley Quinn’s baseball bat had been smacked around the back of Dick’s head, knocking him out cold. He now lay on the ground in Alfred’s arms, the aging Butler fretting over him and casting glare’s at the Clown’s girlfriend. 

 

Outside the wind whipped around Bruce as he fell from the window, uselessly he clawed and kicked at the air. He had no way of stopping his descent, no way to save himself. The floors of the Plaza passed by in a blur, the ground getting closer and closer. He closed his eye awaiting the impact that would surely kill him only it never came, and he found himself seized in a tight and rigid embrace while being lowered safely to the street. 

“What the hell…” Bruce began his words dying when he saw the Iron Man suit.

“With regards of Tony Stark.” Came Jarvis’ voice and with that the suit blasted off, heading up the broken window and fired on The Joker. 

 

The repulsor blast hit Joker’s right shoulder, throwing him and Tony back onto the floor, Tony immediately scrambled away from Joker, going to Lex, who was panting heavily while clutching at his side. 

“Kryptonite.” Clark wheezed, “Get rid of it.” 

While Joker, Harley, and their men were distracted by the suit, Tony grabbed the kryptonite and threw it out of the window, getting it far enough away from Clark for him to use his superspeed to get away and change into uniform, returning just as the Avengers arrived. 

Falcon flew into the reception room, followed by Steve who leaped through the broken window, flinging out the shield which cracked off Joker’s head, bringing him to the ground. 

“Puddin’!” Harley shrieked, she aimed her gun at Steve, but before she could fire on him Falcon had snatched the gun from her grasp and back handed her down onto the ground with her boyfriend. 

From the jet Natasha and Clint gave cover fire, while Superman destroyed the Jokers weaponry and made sure that no one escaped. 

When everyone had caught their breath Superman nodded to Steve, “Sorry I can’t stay to chat, I assume you can handle it from here?” 

Steve shrugged, “We have a Hulk if needs be.” Superman inclined his head and shot off at blinding speed. Returning unobserved a second later at Clark who got back into his spot besides Lex, his absence having been concealed by Oliver, Martha, and Tony. 

“Hey babe?” Lex panted, his face ashen and skin waxy with a cold sweat, “For our actual wedding, lets leave deranged Clowns off the guests list!”

Clark couldn’t supress a giggle at that, squeezing Lex’s upper arm and looked to Steve, “He needs to be in hospital.” 

“So does this guy, Cap,” Sam said, kneeling besides Alfred and Dick, who was sluggishly regaining consciousness.

Steve nodded his head, “The authorities have been notified, help is on the way.” Even as he spoke the sound of sirens could be heard. 

“Jarvis, get the kryptonite, take it to my lab and shove it in something lead lined,” Tony ordered the AI, “We’ll figure out how to dispose of it safely later.”

“Certainly sir.” Jarvis replied, 

“And Jay? Thanks.” 

“A pleasure as always.” With a blast of the repulsors the suit flew down to the street and picked up the shatter kryptonite, carrying it away to be locked up safely.

 

Breathless and dishevelled Bruce appeared from the stairs, “Is everyone…” he broke off as he surveyed the damage, his eyes going to Dick and body moving in a fluid motion to get to his eldest Son. 

“Dick, Oh God,” As Bruce’s shaking hands cupped Dick’s bleeding head, the Billionaire was reminded of the horrific night he’d lost Jason, when Harley and Joker had smashed his skull in, leaving the body for Batman to find with graffiti over the Robin uniform. 

Not even Jason’s subsequent return via the Lazarus pit eased the agonizing ache of what he had lost that night. Alfred too remembered, laying a comforting hand over Bruce’s arm, offering his support to the Billionaire. Acutely recalling the scream Bruce had given on finding Jason’s broken body, that roar of visceral pain that had been torn from him, sounding more like that of a wounded beast than a scream of a human. 

Neither of them would forget Jason’s small body, broken and bloody laying in the cave, the tears they had shed until they couldn’t cry anymore, then the long dark days, weeks, and months that had followed with Bruce falling into his own darkness, not even Dick being able to lift him out of it. Nothing reaching him until Tim had come into their lives, followed shortly thereafter by Jason’s unexpected return, and then Damian. 

“So are you and Supey BFF’s Cappy?” Joker leered at Steve while Natasha, who had come off the Jet along with Clint after landing it on the hotel roof, was handcuffing the lunatic non too gently. “Funny, I thought old Blue tights was in tight with the little Komodo that runs around this city.”

“Put a sock in it, will ya?” Clint snapped at Joker. Fortunately the Police and EMT’s arrived, taking charge of Joker, Harley, and their thugs, while the EMT’s went to Lex and Dick, assessing them and getting them onto stretchers to be taken to hospital.

“Well, at least there’s one consolation, Smallville.” Lois said to Clark, who had to stand back while Lex was secured onto a stretcher, “You and Lex are the only couple in history whose rehearsal dinner will be front page news on every paper.”

“That’s not really a consolation, Miss Lane.” Tony said as he watched Lex getting secured, his eyes drifted over to where Dick was going through the same, and his eyes met Bruce’s, regret filling them. They’d been having such a pleasant time together only for the Joker to spoil everything. 

“Are you alright?” 

The Question made Tony jump and saw Banner standing behind, the scientist having come up to check on everyone, thankful that the other guy hadn’t been called upon for this. 

“I’m fine.” Tony said, “Barely a scratch.” He glanced at Steve and then back to Banner, “I’m going to the hospital with Clark and Lex, can you let Cap know so he doesn’t worry?” 

“Of course.” Tony gave Banner a tight smile, following after Lex with Clark and Martha. He looked back over his shoulder to the Wayne family and sighed regretfully at the missed opportunity.


	12. Chapter 12

Metropolis General.

 

Lex was taken to theatre to have his gun shot wound treated, while the bullet hadn’t hit an organ it had torn an arterial vessel that needed to be patched up. He’s also lost a lot of blood and needed and needed a transfusion. 

Clark, Tony, and Martha made themselves as comfortable as possible in the waiting room, determined to stay until they knew that Lex was going to be alright. 

“Why?” Clark asked, pinching the bridge of his nose as he hunched forward over his knees, “Why did the Joker have to do this?” 

“Because he’s a raving lunatic.” Tony replied, taking off his jacket and folding it over the back of his chair. He rubbed at his sore cheek, dried blood flaking off onto his fingers. Martha handed him a tissue from her purse and frowned at the wound the Joker had given him.

“You should let a Doctor have a look at that.”

Tony shook his head, “It’s just a scratch. I’ve had worse shaving.” He looked to Clark who was slumped in his seat, his fingers rubbing at his temples as if he had a headache.

“Don’t blame yourself Clark, none of this was your fault, and don’t try and find a reason for the Joker’s actions. He’s a demented psychopath, there is no reason for anything he does.”

“Tony’s right honey.” Martha agreed rubbing Clark’s broad shoulders, “And Lex will be fine. He’s a fighter, remember?”

Clark pulled out of her touch and rose to his feet, keeping his back turned as he spoke accusingly, “Yeah, and I also remember you and Dad constantly giving him shit.”

“Clark!” Martha protested but Clark wasn’t backing down. He was upset, worried about Lex, angry over his bodies inability to cope with kryptonite which had prevented him from acting, and he needed to vent his frustrations somehow.

“It’s true Mom. You keep on bringing Dad up, as if he’d have been happy for me, when we both know he wouldn’t have been seen dead at mine and Lex’s wedding, would never have accepted us being together.” Clark snapped at Martha, “He never forgave Lex any of mistakes, always treated him as if he was Lionel, never caring that Lionel abused him and tried to give him brain damage with fucking electro-shocks.” Clark met Martha’s gaze, his eyebrows lifting as he demanded of her, “Can you honestly tell me that he’d have been happy for us, that he’d have been here tonight with us to celebrate, that he’d have accepted Tony as the babies surrogate Mother?” 

Tony bit his bottom lip. He knew that Jonathon Kent had never liked Lex or accepted him as Clark’s boyfriend. He’d only met the man briefly and never really gotten to know him, all he knew was what Lex had told him, and Jonathon’s attitude of “All Luthors are evil” had not endeared him to Tony at all.

“Clark,” Martha said, “Your Father loved you, he would have supported you no matter what, and he would have loved these babies as his own Grandchildren.” 

Clark held her gaze, staring at her for several minutes before he sagged and let out a heavy sigh, “I know,” He whispered, “I’m sorry Mom, I just… I hate seeing Lex hurt, physically or emotionally. He’s been through so much shit and it makes me angry, especially when I can’t do anything about it.”

“You could go and break the Joker’s legs!” Tony offered, startling a laugh from Clark, he shrugged, “It’s not like anyone would mind.” He got to his feet and rubbed at his back which was twinging from time to time with the weight of his uterus adding pressure to his nerves.

“Are you alright?” Martha asked, 

“Yeah, I just need to pee, again.” Tony rolled his eyes, “I thought that the peeing all the time happened towards the end of the pregnancy.”

Martha chuckled, “That’s a myth I’m afraid.” 

Grumbling, Tony pocked Clark in the chest as he went past him, “Just so you are aware, I am blaming you and Lex for all of my miseries.” 

“Fine.” Clark said with easy acceptance. 

 

After he’d emptied his bladder, Tony cleaned the blood from his face and decided to go and find a vending machine for something to drink before he returned to the waiting room. In so doing he ended up finding Tim who was getting drinks and snacks for himself, Jason, and Damian. 

“How’s Lex doing?” Tim asked, giving the machine a swift kick to get it to work, 

“He’s in theatre.” Tony replied, grinning as Tim managed to kick loose some candy bars and crisps. He made use of the hot drink machine, getting hot chocolates for himself, Clark, and Martha. He paused and cleared his throat before continuing, “How’s Bruce doing?” he winced at how high his voice had gone and how not casual he sounded.

Tim shrugged and hunched his shoulders, “He’s okay I guess.”

“Okay as in he’s brooding and scowling like normal, or okay as in he’s really not okay?” Tim’s lips twitched a little, 

“He does brood a lot, and I think his scowl permanent, and Dami is totally copying it, even if he won’t admit it.”

Tony snorted a soft laugh. The kid was the image of Bruce, right down to the scowl and the aristocratic superiority. Tim bit his bottom lip and shifted on his feet looking nervous, 

“You and Bruce used to be together didn’t you? You met when you were my age?” 

“We were, and I was a little younger than you.” Tony replied, not quite sure where this was going, but Tim’s next question solved that mystery. 

“Why did you split up? I mean it’s obvious you still like each other, why not.. you know, go out again?” 

Go out. How teenage. How easy Tim made it seem. But then at his age it was easy, people liked each other, they plucked up the courage to ask each other out, and then went to the movies, the park, hung out in shopping centres, and made out with blushing cheeks and nervous giggles. 

With adulthood there was a lot of baggage to consider, and he and Bruce had more than most, not even including their shared history. 

“It’s not that simple Tim.” Tony said, getting packets of sugar and wooden sticks to take back to the waiting room.

“Why not?”

Tony resisted the urge to groan, even though he really wanted to. “Because Bruce and I aren’t good together. We hurt each other. Badly. It’s best that we just stay as friends.”

“But…”

“There you are Master Timothy.” Alfred said, coming around the corner, “Master Stark.”

“Hey Alfred.” Tony said, “Tim and I were just chatting, I hope his absence hasn’t caused too much worry.” 

“No, but the boys are getting antsy for their junk food.” The Butler clucked his tongue in disapproval while Tim sighed heavily, having been defeated in convincing Tony to ask Bruce out. 

“Well, I should get back to Martha and Clark. How is Dick doing, is he going to be alright?” 

Alfred nodded, “He’s been sent for a scan and there is no internal bleeding. They’re just keeping him in over night for observation. And Master Luthor?”

“Still in surgery.” Tony said, “I’ll let you know as soon as he’s in recovery.” 

“Thank you Sir.” Alfred said, putting an arm around Tim’s shoulders, “I’ll give your regards to Master Bruce.” 

“Thank’s Alfred.” Tony said, gathering up the hot chocolates and heading back to the waiting room. As soon as he was out of sight Tim turned on Alfred, 

“I was just getting somewhere!”

“Master Tim, you cannot rush these things.” Alfred said, guiding Tim back to where his brothers were waiting, “You must have patience and use tact in matters of the heart. Forcing Master Bruce and Master Stark together will not work.”

“Because they are stubborn pig-headed idiots?”

“Quite, and the best way to approach this is how you would approach a mission.”

“Form a plan of attack you mean?” Tim said, a horribly excited expression crossing his face that would have Bruce groaning in dread, 

“Absolutely.” Alfred confirmed with a devilish smirk, “Why don’t you go and plot with your brothers on how best to do this, hm?” 

“Right,” Tim said, he wrapped his arms about Alfred’s waist and hugged him tight, “You’re the best Alfred!”

Alfred chuckled, “Indeed I am, Master Tim, indeed I am.”

 

*****

 

Bruce was sat at Dick’s bedside holding his hand. The young man’s head was bandaged and he had bruising forming about his temple and eye. 

It was time like this that Bruce really wished he had killed Joker when he’d first met him, even though that was exactly what the deranged lunatic wanted. His own version of suicide-by-cop. 

He’d come so close to doing so after Jason. 

In his mind’s eye he could see himself running into that God forsaken ware house just a second before the bombs had detonated, throwing him backwards out into the street as the flames had billowed up into the sky. 

He’d not even felt his own injuries as he’d torn into the building, uncaring if it was safe or if he was going to his death in his desperation to find Jason. He’d screamed when he had found him. What was left of him. The broken, burned, and smashed up pieces of his poor little boy, still wearing his robin outfit with the taunt emblazoned on his chest. 

Bruce had thought he would die the pain was so bad in the aftermath, he’d wanted to die. Wanted to just take a blade to his wrists and end it all. He’d thought he could work out his pain on getting retribution for Jason, had tracked down Joker and Harley, beaten Joker within an inch of his life, and been none to gentle to Harley either. 

It had been Joker’s maniacal laughing, encouraging him to do it, to kill him, that had stayed Bruce’s hand. He’d realised just in time that if he did do it, he’d be giving Joker exactly what he wanted, and not only that he’d be dishonouring Jason in the same act. 

That had kept him from playing into Joker’s hands since then, no matter how tempting it might be at times, especially right now, when one of his kids was hurt by the madman and his deranged sidekick. 

 

Alfred knocked gently on the door and Bruce gave him a weak smile as he came in. “How’s Master Dick?” 

“The same.” Bruce replied, “They said he probably wouldn’t wake up for a few more hours yet.” Alfred nodded, “Is there any word on Lex?”

“Indeed. Master Stark says he is still in theatre but will inform us when that situation changes.”

“Tony’s here?” Bruce was surprised that Clark hadn’t insisted he go home and rest. He was pregnant after all. He didn’t need all this stress. He should be at home, in the nest, snug and warm, contented and glowing with a serene look on his face… 

“Master Bruce?” Bruce startled, having slipped into a day dream of Tony, laying naked in the next, all round and soft with Pups, a perfect image of maternity and sensuality, and everything Bruce absolutely had to stop thinking about in public if he wanted to avoid getting embarrassing boners.

“I will stay with Master Dick if you’d like to get some air?” Alfred offered, a knowing smirk on his face that had Bruce narrowing his eyes at him, 

“I’m fine thank you, Alfred. Just keep an eye on the brats for me, I don’t want them burning the hospital down or something.”

“Heaven forbid Sir.” Alfred agreed, “After all they have been raised to be perfect hellions.” 

Bruce resisted flipping Alfred off as it was immature but did not resist pouting as he left or giving into a sulk over his hopeless love life, or lack there of. 

“So much for my second chance with Tony.” He muttered, “Just another thing I can blame the Joker for screwing up for me.”

As he sank into melancholy and gave serious thought to castrating Joker, Bruce was unaware of the devious plot being planned in the waiting room down the hall, by his other three sons, aided and abetted by Alfred.


	13. Chapter 13

Lex’s side was aching as he awoke in an uncomfortable hospital bed. The scent of disinfectant filled his nose along with the uncomfortable sensation of a nasal cannula inside his nostrils.   
Blinking with brightness of the lights assailing his eyes he shifted on the bed, disturbing the two people that were sitting besides him, Clark and Tony, both of whom came out of light doses and grinned on seeing him awake.

“I’ll go get the Doctor.” Tony said, giving Lex’s hand a squeeze before he let go.

“How are you feeling?” Clark asked, his voice soft and face creased with concern as he gazed at his paler than usual fiancé.

“Hmm, liked a demented bitch shot me.” Lex grunted, “How long was I out?”

“Just over night.” Clark replied, he frowned at Lex, “Are you in pain, do you need more morphine?” Thanks to his meta mutation Lex not only healed faster than most people and didn’t get sick, he also metabolized drugs a lot faster which was not great when he was in pain.

“I’m okay.” Lex said. It was a lie, his side was throbbing, but he didn’t want to feel fuzzy and doped which was what the morphine would do.

Clark didn’t look like he believed him but at that moment the Doctor came in with a nurse to check Lex over, so he had to go and wait in the corridor with Tony, who was yawning and rubbing his back.

“Why don’t you head off back to the penthouse?” He suggested, “You need to rest.”

“So do you.” Clark shot Tony a smirk, and the Omega rolled his eyes. Okay Clark didn’t need to rest as much as he did or as much as any human did, but he did need some sleep. Glancing over Clark’s shoulder at the door Tony pursed his lips, “You know that he’ll be signing himself out as soon as he gets the chance, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I wonder where he learned that bad habit from?” 

Tony flipped Clark off. It was true though, both and Bruce hated hospitals, wouldn’t stay in them unless they were all but tied to the bed or had too many fractures to walk on. It was a habit that they had unfortunately passed on to Lex.

“I’ll make him stay in for a few days, even if I have to sit on him to make him stay in bed.” Clark said, then flushed as Tony leered at him, “I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Sure.” Tony drawled and covered his mouth as he yawned again and looked at his watch, “The cafeteria should be open. I’ll go and get us some coffee, and one for the drama Queen in there.” He nodded his head towards the door, “God knows if he doesn’t get a coffee he’ll be climbing the walls and making every ones life a misery.” 

“Good plan.” Clark agreed, not really wanting to deal with a caffeine deprived Lex. He might be immune to most things, but that wasn’t one of them.

He continued to wait until the nurse came out of the hospital room, leaving the door open so he figured it was alright for him to go in and found Lex in an argument with the Doctor.

“Really Mr Luthor you need to stay here. You lost a lot of blood and you could start to bleed again if you rise from the bed.”

“I’m fine, I heal fast.” Lex said, “Clark tell him!” 

Clark’s eyebrows rose to his hairline as the Doctor turned to look at him expectantly, “He does heal fast.” He said, “But he should stay in a few days. Lex’s eyes narrowed and a scowl creased his eyebrows, 

“Traitor.” He spat, making Clark grin,

“You might have to use restraints though.” He added to the Doctor, knowing that he was signing his own death warrant here and not caring. 

“You dare…” Lex growled at the Doctor, “And you!” His glared became truly murderous, “You will wish you were never born when I am out of here.” Clark grinned at the threat, already thinking of the special cuffs and whip that they had under their bed. Both had a tiny amount of Kryptonite dust in them, not enough to hurt or make him sick, but just enough so he couldn’t break the cuffs and could feel the sting and burn of the whip on his flesh.

The Doctor stayed for a few more minutes, talking to both him and Lex, telling them what they could expect from his recovery and how long it would take, which was far less than he said thanks to Lex’s unique physiology, but they nodded their heads and thanked him, or rather Clark did, Lex just glowered and grunted, only brightened when Tony returned with coffee.

“I ran into Jason while I was in the cafeteria. Dick’s awake, cursing Harley Quinn’s name, and has a hell of a headache, but is otherwise fine.”

“Thank God.” Lex sighed gulping at his coffee and looking like it was pure nectar of the Gods. He looked to Tony critically, “You should be resting.” Tony Rolled his eyes,

“I’m knocked up not dying.” He exclaimed, “I can handle a night without sleep.”

“You should still rest.” Clark said, “And get something decent to eat, you’re eating for four now.”

“Like I could forget.” Tony drawled, finishing his coffee, “Fine. I’ll head off and get a few hours sleep and come back in later.” He leaned over the bed to kiss Lex, “I’m so glad you’re alright honey, you had us all worried.”

“Hey,” Lex protested, “You can’t blame me for the shit Joker and Harley do, and at least I didn’t get myself thrown out of a window like Bruce did.”

“True.” Tony agreed, doubting he’d forget the sight of Bruce plummeting to the ground anytime soon. “Good luck on making him stay put.” He said to Clark, “And I’ll see you both later.”

Clark bid Tony goodbye and turned back to Lex as a nurse brought a breakfast tray in, making Lex’s nose turn up in disgust at it’s contents. Lumpy porridge, soggy toast, and weak tea were not what he ate for breakfast. However the hospital did not serve wafer thin slices of Italian Ham, and three different types of melon.

“Now you’re not going to be difficult about this, are you baby?” Clark asked, grinning at the glower Lex shot him. He loaded the spoon with the porridge and made a plane noise, “Now open up!”

“Bring that crap near my mouth and you’ll be wearing it.” Lex swore, looking at the spoon like it contained bio-waste, 

“Come on, a few mouthfuls and I’ll leave you alone.” Clark persuaded him, “You need to eat to regain your strength, if you don’t then you’ll be in here even longer.”

Lex couldn’t really argue with that so he begrudgingly accepted a few mouthfuls and half a slice of the toast before pushing the tray away, “Is your Mother alright?” he asked after a few minutes,

“She is.” Clark said, “Tony and I got her to go back to the Penthouse when you were out of surgery and out of danger, but she’ll be coming back in later.”

“Okay.” Lex was well aware that Martha would be coming to see Clark more than she would himself, but he wasn’t going to show it to his soon-to-be husband. He’d withstood Jonathon Kent’s unconcealed hatred he could put up with Martha’s begrudged acceptance, especially since she wouldn’t be staying longer than a few days. However Clark surprised him by bringing the subject up.

“She won’t be mentioning Dad so much anymore.”

“What?” Lex asked, startled, “Why?”

“You know why.” Clark said, taking Lex’s hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles in a gentle massage, “We both know he would never have supported us or accepted us. I mean yeah he loved me and I loved him, but I will admit that he was bigoted at times, especially when it came to out relationship.” 

“Clark…”

“It’s true baby, you know it is, and I know how much his attitude hurt you and you didn’t deserve it.”

“In some ways I did.” Lex argued, “I pushed when it came to your…. Abilities,” his voice dropped to a whisper, not wanting anyone to over hear that. “I was obsessed with finding out the truth and put you in danger because of it.”

“Because you have an insatiable curiosity and are far too intelligent to be fooled by weak lies told by a farm boy.” Clark said with a rueful grin, 

“A flannel covered farm boy.” Lex corrected, his own scarred lips curving into a smile, “With a penchant for taking his shirt off around me all the time after he’d spent a summer in metropolis, and nearly drove me into insanity flaunting himself at him.”

“Meh,” Clark shrugged, “I was just feeling very hot all the time, can’t blame a guy for needing to cool down, can you?” 

“I can blame him for insisting on touching me every chance he got, including bending me over the pool table to “Correct” my stance.” God, Lex could remember that, how a sixteen year old Clark had pressed himself flush against his back, firm muscles pressed against him, groin right on his backside as he reached over Lex to demonstrate a better position for holding the pool cue. Lex had nearly come in his pants from that, had been unable to think clearly and just babbled for the rest of the evening while Clark had looked infuriatingly smug.

Clark grinned, “I went to bend you over that table completely, strip off your suit and ram into you until you were begging for mercy and the table was shattered beneath us.”

Lex sniffed, “I never beg.”

Clark snorted, able to think of quite a few times in bed when Lex had in fact begged, but knew his stubborn fiancé would never admit to it. Lex heaved a sigh, “So, Harley and the Joker safely back in Arkham?”

“Until they escape again, yes.” Clark said, “The Avengers escorted them in just to be sure.” Sadly it wouldn’t likely be long before they did escape. Arkham seemed to leak inmates worse than a sieve with a hole cut into it. 

“You know,” He said, “With this happening, and us helping them out with Hydra/Shield, maybe we should think about forming a joint team, or an official alliance.”

“We’d need a team of our own first, babe.” Lex pointed out, “And you know what Bruce feels about teams. Mr “I work alone, aside from my brats and Alfred” won’t be happy with this suggestion.” 

“Maybe Tony can sweet talk him into it!” Clark joked, “And there is Diana, and maybe that guy I met, Aquaman.”

“You mean the fuckwit who called me a Fruitfly?” Yeah, Lex was not getting over that anytime soon, and Clark wisely chose not to mention Oliver Queen/Green Arrow right now, it would not go over well. 

“I’m sure you’ll like him when you meet him.” He offered weakly, not even fooling himself.

“I admit it’s something we should think about.” Lex agreed, “We’ll see what Tony thinks too, he might be on maternity leave but he is still Iron Man and there is something else we’ll have to consider.”

“Oh?”

“Our identities. Do we tell the Avengers or not?” 

 

*****

 

Dick was released home to Gotham that evening, and Lex was released from the hospital after a week, by which time his wound had almost fully healed thanks to his physiology.

Tony had to return to New York, but they spoke every day on Skype and on the phone. No one broached the subject of an official alliance, or of Clark forming a superhero team like the Avengers, until Thor returned to Earth, as an attack in London occurred. 

Naturally Superman went to assist, fighting along side Thor and beating back Malaketh, while Jane Foster, Darcy Lewis, and Eric Selvig closed the portal and ended the invasion. 

After a brief return to Asgard to get leave from his Father, Thor came back to earth for indefinite amount of time, and soon joined the other Avengers at the tower. Regaling them with tales of his battles in the last two years and rejoicing at being united with them again. 

This was when Superman made his proposal of an official alliance. He had spoken to Diana, who was happy to fight alongside him, Batman, and Dragonfly again if the need arose. She also knew about the Atlantians, whom she said that Aquaman likely was, but she did not know him personally. 

Unsurprisingly Bruce was reluctant and did not join them, despite his kids outright telling him to do so, and both Red hood, and Nightwing going along for the meeting, leaving just Tim and Damian at the manor. 

Or so he thought….

He had just finished a gruelling training session when Alfred informed him that the Lamborghini was missing, and both his brats had not gone to school as they were meant to have done. Both their schools had called the manor to ask where they were if they were off sick.

“I know where they are.” Bruce growled stomping to the shower with sweat rolling off him, “I’ll ground them both for a month for this.” 

“Indeed sir.” Alfred said, a smirk on his face as he turned around, not letting Bruce know that he’d given the boys a three hour head start, to get to New York ahead of their Father. 

The superhero alliance had given them the perfect opportunity to launch operation “Get the dumbasses back together” into effect (Jason had come up with the name). Along with Alfred they had also enlisted Lex into helping them carry out their mission, something he was all to happy to do.  
As he sat in the tower in his costume sans his mask, Lex received a text from Alfred letting him know that Bruce would soon be on his way after the boys and nodded his head to Dick and Jason. While he and Clark had chosen to reveal their identities the boys had not, although it was likely that the Avengers suspected who was under the masks and helmet but did not push. 

“There are several other potential metahumans we can consider approaching.” Tony offered, “Hydra had files on many of them, but a few have caught my attention. A Boy here in New York. He’s been captured on film a few times stopping crimes and the like. He’s being called Spider-Man, but from what the file says he’s actually only a kid, there’s someone in Central City, I’m not sure what his ability is, possibly teleporting, possibly extreme speed, and there’s someone in Metropolis, he I’m not entirely certain of. Records show that he’s dead, and yet there is evidence of him being… regenerated for want of a better term.”

“The Lazarus pit?” Jason asked, tensing at the memory, Dick put a comforting hand on his arm and gave it a squeeze. 

“The what?” Steve asked, 

“It’s a thing, a bad thing, don’t worry about it.” Dick said, “And I don’t think that’s what Tony means.”

“It’s not.” Tony said, “In this case it seems he’s been… well brought back and made into some kind of Cybernetic being.”

“A Cyborg? Holy fuck!” Lex exclaimed, “We are so approaching him,” He looked to Clark, “This is way better than your fish boy.”

“He’s not my Fish boy.” Clark protested, ignoring the snickers this got,

“We should discuss how best to approach this Cyborg,” Lex said to Tony, “How about over Dinner tonight, I’ve got a room booked at the Four Seasons, I want to discuss the final plans for the wedding.”

Clark looked surprised by this but before he could say anything, Dick as Night Wing invited him to join himself and Red Hood to discuss the best way of convincing Bat Man to join the teams. Clark readily agreed, truly wanting Bruce on the team, the man’s skills would be invaluable, both as a fighter, and as a detective and tactician.

While the discussions continued Lex texted Damian to let him know that everything was being taken care of on their end, now all they had to do was get Bruce where he was supposed to be, which between them, Alfred, Tim, and Damian should manage to do.


	14. Chapter 14

Tim winced as the gear box of the car gave a groan and scream as he mangled it. He wasn’t used to driving Bruce’s prized Lamborghini and it showed.

“If you trash Father’s car he’ll kill you.” Damian commented, a dark scowl on his face, which was normal for him. “You should have let me drive.”

“Yeah right.” Tim scoffed, “At least I have a permit, you’re still way too young.”

“I am not, and I could drive so much better than you.” 

Tim grinned, glancing at Damian who was now glaring at the dashboard with so much intensity it was a wonder that it didn’t burst into flames. His mobile beeped, distracting Damian briefly as he glanced down at it, “Father’s on his way after us, Alfred’ say’s he’s mad.” 

“He’s always mad,” Tim paused, “No, that isn’t true, sometimes he’s brooding, and the rest of the time he’s a grumpy bastard.” 

Damian grunted at him, texting Alfred back and took a text from Lex, “How far are we from New York now?” he asked, 

“About an hour or so.” 

“Put your foot down then.” Tim rose an eyebrow at this, they were already doing seventy, then he yelped as cursed as Damian’s foot slammed down onto his own speeding the car forward with a lurch, “Get off of me!” he cried, elbowing Damian in the ribs, 

“Screw you and drive faster.” Damian shot back returning the elbow in the ribs and giving Tim a punch to the stomach for good measure. 

“I swear, one of these days…” 

“One of these days, what, Drake? What are you gonna do?” Damian goaded, sneering at his older brother.

“I’m gonna get a priest to do a damn exorcism on you!” 

 

*****

 

Bruce was cursing in every language he knew and could get by in, as he drove his Aston Martin across Gotham bridge to the main land. 

“I’ll ground them both for a month for this, no a whole year!” His nose wrinkled, “But if I do that, I wouldn’t have a house left, the little demons will destroy it with their pent-up energy.” 

Was parenting this hard for everyone or was he just cursed to have Fathered the most troublesome, dysfunctional, argumentative, and exasperating children in the world? And that wasn’t even counting Damian and Jason’s rather murderous tendencies. 

Alfred had said that he was a handful when he’d been a child, but honestly Bruce doubted that he’d ever caused Alfred this much trouble, (Although the butler would scoff when he said and gesture to his hair, asking Bruce pointedly where he thought all the white had come from.) 

If Bruce had been even half as much trouble as Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian were, then it certainly explained the amusement that Alfred got out of seeing Bruce run around after them. 

His phone rang and he clicked on his headset, “Alfred?” 

“Yes, Master Wayne.” Came Alfred’s reply, “I have news of the boys’ whereabouts…”

“New York.” Bruce grunted, having already guessed that much. 

“Yes. It seems they have booked a suite at the Four Seasons…” Alfred paused before continuing, “On your credit card.”

“WHAT!” Oh this was just the last straw, those two were going to pay for this if it was the last thing Bruce ever did.

“They are rather impertinent.” Alfred said, “I wonder where they get that from” Bruce could all but see the smug smirk on the Butler’s face. 

“Bite your tongue.” He growled, “They did not get this type of behaviour from me.”

“Indeed not, Sir. After all you would never have taught them how to lie convincingly or manipulate people. How to strategize or how to roll a car down a lane before you start the engine so no one will hear it…”

“Alfred, do you want to be collecting unemployment?” 

“Only if you learn how to wash dishes and know where to put them.” Alfred dryly replied, knowing full well that Bruce had absolutely no idea where the dishes were kept, which was considered the good china or the everyday china, couldn’t cook to save his life beyond slinging a ready meal into the microwave, and even that had it’s risks, he’d once put something in and accidently set the timer for two hours which had resulted in molten and blackened plastic all over the microwave interior after the item at exploded.

“I am not completely inept at caring for myself.” Bruce said with as much dignity as he could muster which was not at all helped by the snort of laughter from Alfred, 

“The important thing is, Master Wayne, that you believe that.”

“Asshole.” Bruce grunted ending the call, knowing that Alfred would be laughing at his expense. Sighing he glanced at the dash board, checking the speed. While he wanted to get to New York quickly and preferably before the boys could do any damage, he didn’t really want to be pulled over by the police for speeding, so he made the conscious effort to slow down until he was just on the speed limit. 

With any luck the two would just go to Stark Tower and join the meeting taking place there and hopefully stay put. 

He considered calling Tony and letting him know the situation, but Tony didn’t need any extra stress, he was pregnant after all, he shouldn’t be running around New York looking for Bruce’s wayward brats, he vetoed calling Dick or Jason either since it would only lead to the both of them giving him shit over this and he was already irritated enough with their teasing to add to the bruising on his ego. 

He scoffed at the notion of this, the Bat of Gotham, bested by his own sons. Joker would piss his pants laughing if he knew of this, which was just another reason that Bruce would find a way to punish the pair. 

All he had to do was think of a way that wouldn’t lead to them destroying his home as he did so. 

 

*****

New York 

 

Lex had been the one to pre-book the room and had left instructions with the main desk to let Tim and Damian up the suite when they arrived. 

The two had already been grocery shopping and had brought with them everything they needed to create a romantic setting. 

“I still think that we should have kidnapped them and left them tied together naked in a warehouse.” Damian said, “The thrill of escaping would have had them fucking in no time.” 

“Language and that is a horrible idea.” Tim said wrinkling his nose, “Now be helpful, pluck the petals from the roses and scatter them over the bed and onto the carpet.” 

Damian sneered and muttered something about saps under his breath but did as he was asked, viciously ripping the roses apart and letting the petals fall to the ground with a vindictive glee. 

Tim set about putting the non-alcoholic champagne on ice, there had been no point in getting the real stuff as Tony couldn’t drink it, so they’d gone with the alcohol free which he could share with Bruce. 

Tim carefully opened the box of Belgium Chocolates and lay them out, then set out strawberries and whipped cream. He set up a dozen scented candles and placed massage oil on the night stand besides a box of strawberry flavoured condoms that Jason had provided. 

“I don’t see why they’ll need them, Stark is already up the stick.” Damian said eyeing the condoms.

“It’s not for that reason they’ll be using them.” Tim said, going to check on the hot tub, getting the water at just the right temperature to be perfect, he took some of the rose petals and scattered them into the tub to add to the mood. 

“Should we order them dinner or let them order?” Damian asked taking the last head off the roses and setting the stems aside. 

“Let them order.” Tim replied, “With Tony’s nausea there is no telling what he can and can’t eat right now and vomiting isn’t exactly a turn on.”

“It is to some people, Jason told me, he said that some…”

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t think Bruce or Tony are into that.” Tim said, making a mental note to have a word with Jason about appropriate conversational topics around Damian. 

“How about porn?” Damian asked, “They say that watching it gets people in the mood.”

Tim wrinkling his nose, “I think that’s a bit tacky, we’re going for romance here, not a…. drunken college encounter,” he thought for a minute, “Mood music.” He said, turning on the TV and going onto Youtube, where he typed in a request for romantic playlists, bringing up a list of fifty of the most romantic songs every written, “Perfect.”

“Mushy.” Damian sneered throwing himself down into one of the over stuffed arm chairs and helped himself to a strawberry, “Now what?” he demanded, his mouth full as he spoke.

“Now we wait,” Tim said, “And let the magic of love do the rest.”

“Total poetic crap!” Damian declared. 

 

*****

 

When the meeting had broken up, Lex had taken Tony directly to the hotel, linking his arm through Tony’s once they were out of the car and guided him through the lobby, conspicuously choosing to the lift that was farthest away rather than the one closest too them that a taller, dark, man was getting into. 

“Why..?”

“I thought he looked like a reporter I’ve seen before.” Lex said with a shrug, “I don’t want to answer any questions tonight.” 

It was a fair answer and Tony shrugged, not really caring as he waited for the lift, stepping inside and leaning against the mirrored interior as Lex pushed the buttons taking them to his floor. 

The sounds of raised voices could be heard as the exited the life and they grew louder as Lex and Tony drew closer to Lex’s suite and were actually coming from the doorway, where Bruce was stood dressing down Damian and Tim, whose faces lit up at the sight of Tony and Lex. 

“So, here’s your key card, the suites all paid up for the next two days, just send the room service bill to me when you check out.” Lex said, handing Tony the key card,

“What?” Tony stammered, 

“Dick, Jason, me, and Damian will have Gotham covered, so don’t worry about that.” Tim said, patting Bruce’s shoulder as he went past him, “And Clark will be making a sweep over the City just to keep an extra eye out.”

“Clark will… you will..” Bruce stammered only to have his tie grabbed by Damian and was yanked down so he was face to face with his Son, 

“We’ve gone to a lot of trouble to get you and Stark here,” Damian growled at him, “Don’t be a pathetic imbecile and mess this up.” Shoving his Father away Damian elbowed his way past him and nodded to Tony, 

“If you hurt him, I’ll wait until you’re not pregnant, then skin you.” 

Tony’s eyebrows reached his hairline and he looked to Lex, silently pleading for help, only to have his back patted before Lex linked arms with Tim and headed down the corridor back to the lift with Damian at their sides.

 

Bruce sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose while Tony let out a nervous laugh. 

“Ever get the feeling you’ve been set up?” he asked and Bruce grunted, 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know they’d do something like this,” he began to apologize but Tony waved him off, heading into the suite, where he let out an embarrassed but pleased sound that drew Bruce in after him. The Alpha paused, considering it for a moment, then shut and locked the door behind him before following Tony into the suite, finding the romantic setting that was laid out before them. 

“They even have mood music cued up.” Tony said gesturing to the TV,

“And Strawberries, chocolates, everything you’d need for a romantic evening.” Bruce commented, he spied the condoms and averted his gaze, looking back to Tony feeling uncertain of what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn’t sure if he should make a move. 

Tony took off his jacket and sat down on the sofa turning on the music, a grin spreading over his face when the dulcet tones of Barry White began to play.

“They’ve got good taste.” 

“They’re incorrigible brats.” Bruce said, unbuttoning his jacket and loosening his tie, joining Tony on the sofa.

“I like them, they remind me so much of you, especially Damian. He’s got that aristocratic superior sneer down an art, not to mention the glare, that must be a genetic Wayne thing.”

Bruce snorted, “Probably.” He agreed, reaching for the strawberries and cream, he placed them on the coffee table before himself and Tony, taking a fruit and popping it into his mouth. “So, what have you been up to?” he asked, 

“Oh, you know, becoming a superhero, saving the world, getting knocked up by Lex Luthor, same old, same old. You?” 

“Same!” Bruce said making Tony laugh and he grinned, “Except for the pregnancy part, Talia did that, although she didn’t tell me for ten years.”

Tony offered Bruce a sympathetic smile and squeezed his thigh, “You didn’t deserve what she did to you.”

“And you didn’t deserve what Stane did to you.” Bruce said, his hand covering Tony’s, “We’ve both been hurt by people, both been betrayed.”

“Yeah.” Tony whispered, “Kind of makes you want to give up on having any kind of relationship with anyone, doesn’t it?” 

“It does.” Bruce agreed, “In honesty I haven’t really had any relationships in a long time.” Selina didn’t really count as a relationship, Talia certainly didn’t, Vicky Vale was over as fast as it had started, as were the rest of his brief flings. 

“The only relationship I’ve had that could be counted as an actual relationship was Pepper.” Tony said, “And now that’s all done,” He sighed heavily, “I guess we both just suck at love.”

“Or go looking for it in the wrong places.” Bruce murmured, Tony bit his bottom lip and glanced away, his cheeks colouring with heat, in order to have something to occupy his hands he got the non-alcoholic champagne and poured them both a glass. 

“Not too bad.” He commented, 

“I’ve had worse.” Bruce agreed, “Remember that crap we drank in that shitty bar in the Keys?” 

Tony moaned and rolled his eyes, “Tasted and smelled like sour apple cider.” He said, “I think those soup bowl sized cocktails we got in the Canary Islands were better.” 

“God, now you’re going back.” Bruce said, “I haven’t been to the Canary Islands in twenty years or more.”

“Seems like forever.” Tony agreed, draining his glass and setting it aside. While he couldn’t blame alcohol for poor choices he decided to throw caution to the wind and rose to his feet offering Bruce his hand, “Dance with me?” 

Bruce stared at him in shocked silence for a moment, then got to his feet, putting down his drink and took Tony’s hands, leading him to the open space between the TV and the coffee table to slow dance with Tony to Ronin Keating’s When you say nothing at all. 

It had been decades since they’d danced, since they’d held each other like this, yet it seemed that their bodies fit together perfectly, and it was only natural for Tony to place his head on Bruce’s shoulder and for Bruce’s arms to wrap about him in a warm embrace. 

They didn’t stop dancing when the song finished, they continued to dance on to the next song and then the one after, until Tony finally looked up, meeting Bruce’s eyes, neither of them spoke, this was not a moment for words, they were not needed, they both knew what they wanted, and neither resisted the kiss that they fell into.


	15. Chapter 15

The kiss started slow and timid, both of them holding back, neither wanting to rush things, neither wanting to risk scaring off the other, but as the seconds past and neither pulled away they grew bolder, their lips parting, allowing a deeper kiss, tongues flicking out to tease and duel for dominance. 

Tony ran his hands up Bruce’s broad back and spanned his muscular shoulders, his fingers tightening on the muscles, his body aching forwards to lean into Bruce, who held him fast, a knee sliding between his thighs putting pressure on Tony’s cock making him jerk against the Alpha and break the kiss, panting for air. 

When Bruce looked into Tony’s eyes’ he saw they were dilated, pupils blown wide and cheeks flushed a pretty pink with his rising lust. He ground his hips, pressing down on Bruce’s thigh in an obvious invitation to continue, Bruce’s cock thought this a wonderful idea and were he twenty years younger and doing all his thinking with his prick as he had back then, he would have just swept Tony up and carried him to the nearest surface and fucked him until he couldn’t walk anymore. 

However, he was older now, had better control of himself, and didn’t act quite so impulsively. 

“What are we doing?” He asked, his voice hoarse and low.

Tony smirked and cocked his head, “Has it really been so long for you that I need to explain it?” 

Bruce resisted the urge to roll his eyes, that was a classic Tony Stark response, sarcastic and humorous, designed to deflect so he didn’t have to go deep into his feelings. Bruce didn’t like feelings himself, tended to repress them because he found it easier to function that way, but right now, considering what was about to happen, he needed to confront his feelings, they both did, or they could end up making a big mistake.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Bruce asked, pulling away from Tony just slightly, so that his leg wasn’t between the Omega’s thighs, although his hands were still on Tony’s waist and could pull him close at any moment. 

“Don’t you want to?” Tony countered, “We’ve always been good together, great in fact, haven’t you missed it, missed us?” 

“You know I have.” Bruce breathed, closing his eyes as he recalled the passion that they had together, the heat and the fire that seemed to burn endlessly for them. No one else had ever made him feel that way, not even Selina had made him feel as intensely as Tony had. 

But that was only the golden side of the coin, flipping it over and there was the darker side of their passion, the anger and violence that came with such intensity. How they would quickly go from simple disagreements to raging screaming matches and trading blows, how many times had they bloodied each others noses and split each others lips? 

How many hotel suites like this had their fights trashed? 

The list was countless and it wearied Bruce to think of it, to think of those anger fuelled days he couldn’t go back to that and neither could Tony. 

“We both have too much to lose to risk falling back on bad habits.” He whispered, regretting it immediately when he saw the hurt flash in Tony’s eyes, followed by resignation and then his public mask of “I don’t give a fuck” 

“Right, okay then.” He said, straightening up and looking around for his jacket, “I’ll be heading back to the tower then.”

“Tony, wait, I didn’t mean…”

“Bruce, it doesn’t matter.” Tony said, grabbing his jacket and pulling it on, “And you’re right, this is a mistake, a big one, and we should both know better.” 

Whatever Bruce was going to say died on his lips at that. He knew that Tony was just standing on his pride, was trying to make sure that no one saw his hurt. But Tony’s words cut deep, and Bruce couldn’t find the right words to stop him from walking out of the suite, leaving him standing there, with romantic music playing, his cock still hard, and what had been the perfect love nest around him now completely useless. 

“Fuck!” 

Swinging a punch at the wall was probably not the most practical thing he could have done, but the pain that shot through his knuckles certainly felt satisfying. Turning his back to the wall, Bruce thumped his head against it and slid down to sit with his arms resting on his knees. 

The Kids were going to kill him for this. Damian would skin him, Jason would call him a pathetic coward, Tim would want to have in depth conversation, which would be worse than any kind of torture that Damian would inflict on him, and Dick would give him that look that said he was so disappointed in Bruce, the one that Bruce was certain he’d learned from Alfred, because no one else could ever make him feel like he’d let someone down as much as Alfred could with a simple expression. 

“So what the hell do I do now?” He asked aloud, tipping his head back to look at the ceiling as if he were speaking to a God that he didn’t even believe in, “How do I rectify this monumental fuck up?” 

 

*****

 

“Stupid, so fucking stupid Stark.” Tony berated himself as he paced in the lift, refusing to allow himself to cry. He still needed to get back to the Tower and he could do without tabloids getting shots of him balling his eyes out like some pathetic little cry-baby. 

But he was hurting, Bruce’s rejection hurt so much that he wanted to cry, to sob, to scream at the unfairness of it all. 

This was Bruce Wayne. His first, his only real love and the man was describing him, describing their entire relationship as a mistake! 

“Bastard!” Tony spat as the lift door pinged open and he got out, flipping his jacket collar up and ducking his head down so his face was concealed as he exited the hotel, heading out into the streets to hail a taxi to take him back to the tower.

As he sat in the back of the cab he took out his phone, toying with the idea of texting Lex and telling him if he had anymore plans to matchmake to keep them to himself because he sucked at it. But, if he did that then Lex would inevitably call, wanting to know what the hell was going on and why Tony wasn’t shacked up in the love nest fucking Bruce six ways from Sunday. 

The last thing Tony wanted to do right now was talk to anyone about this. He needed time to get his head straight and work through his pain before he faced anyone. 

Of all the times to be pregnant, he couldn’t damn well drink and right now he damn well needed a drink!

Paying the taxi driver and giving him a hefty tip, Tony quietly entered the tower, taking his private lift up to the penthouse, hoping that no one would be around. 

He wasn’t that lucky. 

Clint was sprawled across the sofa with Sam and Steve watching Fellowship of The Ring, which Steve somehow had yet to see. An array of popcorn, crisps, and other snack food was spread out before them, along with their personal choice of beers which they were drinking from the bottle.

Steve was the first to notice Tony, his super-hearing picking up on his arrival before the others did. 

“You’re back early, Lex called and said not to expect you for some time.” 

“Yeah,” Tony said with a grimace, “He was mistaken.” He offered the trio a tight smile, “I’m going to bed.”

“You are?” Sam asked frowning, “Its early.”

“Yeah and I’m pregnant, don’t question me.” 

Grumpily Tony headed to his bedroom and shut the door, “Lights to thirty percent Jarvis, and turn on the shower, make it really hot.”

“Of course Sir.” Jarvis said, “Would you like some music too, something to soothe you?” 

“Sure.” Tony replied, taking off his clothes and letting them drop to the ground, he snickered when the sounds of ACDC began to scream. 

 

*****

 

Bruce sat in the hotel for a full hour mulling over things in his mind. At his core he was a tactician. He didn’t act without thinking, he planned things out a dozen ways so he could be prepared for each and every potential outcome. Tonight, he’d been blindsided, hadn’t found his footing and so he’d messed it up. If he was going to do this then he would have to do it his way. 

Getting up from the floor he went and sat on the couch, turning off the music and got out his phone, starting to place internet orders for the following morning, and for some equipment to be delivered to the hotel room, along with suitable clothing for his endeavour. 

There was no guarantee this would work of course, if nothing else Tony was very stubborn, but at least, even if it failed, Bruce would be able to look his boys in the eye and say that he had done his level best. 

 

***** 

 

Tony was buried beneath his pillows and duvet when Jarvis’ insistent calls for him to wake up finally dragged him out from under the pile of bed linen, scowling at the camera and the sunlight streaming in through the window. 

“What?” he demanded, 

“There is a… situation going in in the living area,” Jarvis said, “I think you should go and see it.” 

Tony rolled his eyes, “If Clint has annoyed Natasha into strangling him then Steve can deal with it, I need my beauty sleep.” He pulled the covers back over his head and burrowed back down into his nest of pillows.

“This does not involve the Avengers, Sir, it involves you, and I really must insist you get up and go into the living area.”

Tony made a grumbling noise, and only got out of bed because Jarvis decided to be a bitch and make his alarm screech until he did get up. 

“You are loosing GB for that J.” He grumbled, padded his way through to the living area, “I’ll restrict your internet access and ground you for the next month…” he broke off and stopped dead as he saw what was happening in the living area. 

What had to be an entire garden’s worth of roses were strewn about the place, in bouquets, vases, on the floor, and lain over the furniture, filling the air with a sweet and heady scent. 

“What the hell…” Tony followed the trail of roses, which lead him out onto the balcony, where two liveried waiters were setting up a breakfast table that was laden with non-alcoholic champagne, freshly squeezed orange juice, a huge bowl of fruit salad, freshly baked croissants, butter, and pots of jam. There was also a warming dish that contained scrambled eggs, and rashers of bacon, and a carafe of coffee that Tony was willing to bet was decaf.

“If you’d care to go and look over the side of the landing pad, you will see the instigator of this little endeavour.” Jarvis said, sounding amused by everything. 

“We’ll be having words later J.” Tony said, making his way to the landing pad,

“Indeed Sir, I’ll look forward to it.” 

Tony went to the landing pad and peered over the side, his eyes widening in shock when he saw a figure climbing the side of the tower!

“Jarvis!” 

“Yes Sir?”

“Who the fuck is that lunatic? Is that who I think it is?”

“That depends Sir, whom do you think…”

“Don’t sass me J. Is that Bruce Wayne risking his neck climbing my tower?” Tony cried, staring down as the man scaled higher. Thankfully he did have climbing equipment, he was wearing a harness and using ropes, crampons, friends, and such, but it didn’t make Tony feel any better about his safety. 

“Jay? Get a suit ready, if he slips catch him.” 

“Certainly Sir.” Jarvis assured him. 

 

Several feet below Tony, Bruce panted and dipped his fingers into the small pack of rosin he was carrying. He’d climbed worse things than this, but it was still hard going.   
Down below him on the street quite a crowd had gathered to watch his ascent and were taking pictures and filming as his climbed. 

“Are you insane?” came a voice from above and Bruce grinned, chuckling as he looked up, 

“Only for you, baby.” 

Tony stared down at him looking torn between laughing and shouting at him. “What the hell are you doing?” 

“Well, I thought after last night I had a lot to make up for,” Bruce explained, climbing higher and fixing a friend in place, “So I decided to do the fairy-tale thing and scale the tower to get to you.”

“What? You couldn’t just pick up the phone to talk to me?”

“Seemed kind of anti-climatic, heh, climatic, that’s poetic given the situation.”

Tony snorted and shook his head, sitting down now to watch Bruce’s ascent, “So, I am supposed to be won over by this show of dramatics, forgive everything and take you back like nothing happened?”

“No,” Bruce panted, “But I figure this would score me a few points in my favour, allow me the chance to grovel and win you over with apologies.” 

“Uh-huh, and the romantic breakfast?” 

“Well, climbing builds a hell of an appetite!” 

Tony let out a bark of laughter and shook his head, “You are completely out of your mind and I love you for it, even if you are an asshole.”

“Well thank you, Mr Stark, and can I say that while I am an asshole, I am your asshole.” 

“Charmed.” Tony drawled, “Now hurry up and get up here, I’m hungry!” 

Snickering, Bruce began to climb a little quicker, reaching the landing pad a few minutes later and scrambling onto it amid cheers from the crowds below, whom he shot a wave as he sat on the edge, taking off his harness and securing it before he stood and was met with Tony giving him a long and deep kiss. 

When it ended their mouths were swollen and both of them were panting. “So, am I… forgiven?”

“No,” Tony said, grinning smugly, “But you are being granted the chance to grovel over breakfast.” 

Snorting under his breath, Bruce followed Tony to the breakfast table, thanking the waiters and tipping them as he sat down and began to eat.


	16. Chapter 16

Gotham Manor.

 

Jason was enjoying his usual morning routine of falling out of bed, emptying his bladder, going down to the kitchen in his pyjamas to grab a stack of pancakes or waffles, smother them all in Nutella, peanut butter, and jam, then head through to the lounge where he would throw himself across the sofa, his feet hanging over the side, the plate of food lain on his stomach, from where he would grab a pancake to eat while watching the TV. 

This morning was no different. A zombified Tim was falling asleep against the counter while propping up the coffee pot that he was practically falling into face first. Alfred was scolding Dick for eating cereal dry from the packet instead of at least pouring it into a bowl and not getting his “Grubby” hands all over it, and Damian was listing all the reasons he shouldn’t have to go to school, because he was so much smarter, stronger, superior, and better than absolutely everyone, teachers included. 

Letting the din for the kitchen drown out, Jason flipped through the TV channels looking for a cartoon to enjoy when he came across a news report that had him freezing when he saw what was being shown. 

“Guys!” He yelled, turning the volume up, “Get your asses in here, you’ve gotta see this shit.” 

A few moments later his Brothers and Alfred joined him to witness the images of Bruce climbing up Stark Tower!

“Wayne Enterprises have yet to comment, but it has been confirmed by eye witnesses that Billionaire socialite Bruce Wayne, is climbing up the side of Stark Tower.” The news presenter said. “In his youth Mr Wayne was no stranger to dangerous and reckless stunts, but in recent years he has been quiet and taken less chances with his life. But now it appears that he is performing some kind of dare devil stunt on his former flame, Tony Stark’s building.”

“What the fuck?” Tim blurted, wincing when Alfred clipped his ear for swearing.

“Tony Stark is not commenting on the situation, but his figure has been seen at the top of the tower, where he is apparently waiting for Wayne to join him. Could this be the start of another romance between the pair, who have only just come back into one another’s company after nearly a decade apart.” 

“What the hell, I thought he was at the hotel with Stark.” Dick said, looking confused.

“He was, we left him with Tony.” Tim replied, “This doesn’t make any sense.”

Jason snorted, “Oh yes it does.” They looked at him and he rolled his eyes, “Its obvious. Bruce fucked up, as always, pissed Tony off, and is now doing a grand gesture to make up for it.”

“That does sound like something Master Wayne would do.” Alfred mused, ignoring Jason’s vulgarity for the moment. 

“Imbecile.” Damian cursed, glared at the screen which showed Bruce reaching the top of the tower safely. 

“Let’s hope he doesn’t screw up again.” Tim said, as the news reporter started to speak once more, “Because if this is what it takes for him to make things up to Stark, then I hate to think what he’ll do next.”

 

*****

 

Tony sipped his juice and ate his croissant relieved that his morning sickness was staying away right now, and looked up to see Bruce watching him intently.

“What?” He asked wiping his mouth, “Do I have something on my face?” 

“No.” Bruce said, “I just like looking at you.” 

Tony would deny his blushing to his dying day, he was Tony Stark. He didn’t blush, he made other people blush.

“So, how did you see this going?” Tony asked, reaching for the champagne and pouring himself a glass, wishing it was alcoholic as that would undoubtedly have settled his nerves better.

“I’m not really sure.” Bruce admitted, “It depends on you, what you want to happen.”

“What I want to happen.” Tony looked down at his plate, he pushed his fork tines through the smear of butter, creating a pattern on the china. “I wanted to fuck last night.” He said with a note of bitterness, “You said that it was a mistake, that we were a mistake.”

“I didn’t mean that.” Bruce said and reiterated as Tony shot him an incredulous look of disbelief, “I didn’t mean that we were a mistake. I meant that us falling into bed together would be a mistake. One we can’t afford to make. We both have too much to lose now, far more responsibilities than we did twenty years ago. We can’t just act like we did back then and frankly I don’t want to.” He paused, taking a breath before continuing.

“If we do this then we need to do it right. No acting on impulse..” He gave a chagrined smile at Tony’s cough and pointed look at the climbing harness on the landing pad. “Alright, no more impulsive acts. If we do this then let’s take it slow, take our time and see if it’s going to work, not just plunge straight into the deep end and find out that we can’t swim when we’re struggling to get back to the surface.”

“Wow.” Tony sat back in his chair and folded his hands over his swelling stomach. “That is remarkably insightful, especially for you.” 

“I’m not a complete asshole.” Bruce said,

“Yes you are, we both are, we’re the fucking Kings of Assholes!” Bruce snorted and set down his fork as Tony sobered, “However, I think you are probably right. Rushing into things would be a mistake, we should take our time on this and… I guess we date?”

“Dating would be good.” Bruce said, “Its been a long time since I’ve been on a date.”

“Fucking Selina Kyle on a roof top doesn’t count then?” 

Bruce glared, “That happened once.”

“Does that mean you won’t fuck me on a roof top?” Tony asked pouting at Bruce who just snorted and helped himself to some of the fruit salad. “Okay, dating. Gotham or New York?” 

“Both, either.”

“New York, we’re less likely to get attacked by deranged super villains in grease paint.” Tony said decisively, “And there is a great Italian place that you are going to love.”

“When do you want to go?” Bruce asked spearing a piece of melon and popping it into his mouth. He loved Italian food, pasta, crusty bread, red wine, rich sauces, and delicious desserts.   
Sadly, Batman required that he limit his diet so he couldn’t indulge in such food as often as he would like, tiramisu always seemed to go straight to his thighs.

“I’m free tonight.” Tony said, “And you’re already in the city…”

“True.” Bruce agreed, “I guess I’ll be going suit shopping after breakfast, and we’ll go to dinner about seven thirty?” 

Tony grinned, “It’s a date.”

 

******

Steve stood by the balcony doors watching Tony and Bruce with a frown. He and Sam had been coming back from their morning run to see Bruce Wayne ascending the tower and had gone to the penthouse to find the garden of roses that had been delivered and the liveried waiters setting up the breakfast that Tony and Bruce were now eating. 

“Are they making out yet?” Clint asked, “Please let me know, I don’t want to see that, I’d have to blind myself.” He, Natasha, and Banner had joined him and Sam, picking their way through the roses to find seats as the Billionaires engaged in what could only be described as a lovers breakfast.

“They’re not, they’re… giggling?” Steve replied, Tony was definitely giggling.

“Flirtatiously?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, how does someone giggle flirtatiously?” 

Steve turned when there were collective groans from behind him and Natasha gave him a pitying look, “Poor baby.” Clint said patting his bicep, “Don’t worry, when you grow up, you’ll learn all the facts of life.”

“I hate all of you.” Steve grunted, wonder where this rumour about him being a virgin had started and really wishing he could strangle the person who’d started it. He was not a damn virgin! He’d had sex, okay maybe not as much as Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne had, but he’d been with a couple of the dancer girls who’d managed to procure condoms to keep from getting themselves pregnant out of wedlock so they could enjoy active sex lives before they settled down into marriage, there had also been a couple of admirers he’d met while he’d been a dancing monkey. So yeah, he wasn’t a virgin despite what the team of assholes seemed determined to believe.

He straightened up as Bruce and Tony rose from their chairs and began to make their way back into the penthouse. 

“I’ll have Jarvis use one of the suits to take ropes down, I don’t want you risking your neck again.” Tony said to Bruce as they stepped inside, “Shit, I forgot about the roses, what the hell am I going to do with so many roses?” 

“Lay naked on a bed and cover yourself in the petals?” Clint offered and Natasha slapped him upside the head. 

“It’s a classic!” Clint protested. 

Ignoring the bickering pair, Steve held out his hand to Bruce, “Mr Wayne? Steve Rogers, a pleasure to meet properly at last.”

“Likewise, Captain.” Bruce replied, his grip surprisingly firm. “And thank you for your timely arrival in Metropolis, things could have been much worse had you not shown up when you did.” 

“Please!” Tony scoffed, “I had everything totally under control.”

“Really?” Bruce asked raising an eyebrow,

“Jarvis caught your sorry ass and stopped you from becoming road pizza didn’t he?” 

“Perhaps you could have saved yourself, anyway.” Natasha said, her sharp eyes looking Bruce over, taking his measure as only a master spy could. “You certainly have some impressive skills.”

Bruce stiffened although he made the effort to play it off with a careless shrug and an air head smile, “What else can a billionaire playboy do but go climbing when he has so much free time on his hands?” 

“What else indeed.” Natasha drawled giving Tony a pointed look, silently demanding answers to unspoken questions. Tony studiously avoided her gaze and smiled an extra bright smile at Bruce. 

“So. I’m going to go and shower, and I guess I’ll see you later so we can go to dinner?” 

He walked Bruce to the lift and the two shared a lingering kiss before parting. Tony let out a deep breath and turned around with a happy and slightly dazed smile on his face. 

“When you come back down from your Kiss high, I’d like to ask you some questions.” Natasha said, while Tony floated over to the sofa and sank down, picking up some roses to sniff the flowers.

“Ask away.” He breathed dreamily, “But don’t expect me to answer.”

“You not answering confirms my suspicions.” 

“But it doesn’t betray any hypothetical confidences either.” 

“True.” Natasha allowed. 

“What?” Banner asked, clearly lost by the non discussion between the pair.

“Nat thinks Bruce is Bat Man.” Clint said, “She’s had suspicions for a while. Ever since she did a mission in Gotham and caught a sight of the bat in action and then saw Bruce Wayne at a function wearing make-up to cover bruising on his face.”

“Which he could have gotten anywhere.” Tony pointed out. “You are jumping to conclusions.”

“Uh huh, and the guy just happens to be able to scale the side of a building and barely break a sweat, has the same body build of the Bat, and the wealth needed for the gadgets the Bat uses, and enough free time to spend on intense training regimes.” Sam dead panned.

“His best friends are superheroes, as is his ex-boyfriend.” Banner mused stroking his chin thoughtfully. 

“Whose ex-boyfriend is a superhero?” This came from Thor who came in from the kitchen stuffing pop tarts into his mouth and wearing absolutely nothing. 

“Dear God!” Clint moaned and buried his face in his hands, “I need to die right now!”

“I’m gonna need therapy.” Sam murmured, patting Clint’s back.

“Uh Thor?” Steve asked trying not to look at the Thunder God’s morning glory. 

“Aye good Captain?” Thor turned making “Things” move which was so much worse.

“Nice thunder bolts!” Tony blurted out, his eyes wide and transfixed on Thor’s body which would have made a Greek God weep in envy. 

“I think you might have forgotten something this morning.” Banner said, his cheeks flushed, and eyes kept on Thor’s face and nothing else.

Thor looked perplexed, “But I put the toilet seat back down. Dearest Jane is always telling me about that.”

“He means your pants, dumbass.” Natasha said, Thor actually looked down at himself and seemed surprised to find that he was completely naked. 

“Ah, yes, I forgot your Midgardian custom of being clothes even while in ones home, I shall endeavour to to get appropriately attired.” Thor shot them all a brilliant smile and made his way to go and get dressed leaving a shocked and in some cases traumatized team in his wake. 

“Holy fuck!” Tony breathed, “I am so fucking jealous of Jane right now.”

“Totally.” Natasha mused. 

“And I am scarred for life.” Clint complained morosely, “I will never get that image out of my head now, it’ll be branded there for life.”


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of Tony’s day passed without anymore nude appearances of Thor, and he happily spent his time in the lab until it was time for him to get ready to get ready to go t dinner with Bruce.

He showered and spent fifteen minutes styling his hair and trimming his beard before going to select something to wear, which was easier said than done. All of the suits he would normally have worn to go out on the pull were too small to fit, and as far as he was concerned the maternity wear he had was not sexy, or at least not sexy enough to be seducing Bruce Wayne.

“I don’t know J, maybe I can wear the pants with a safety pin?” Tony suggested to Jarvis as he held up his favourite suite in front of the mirror, “I can wear one of the maternity cut shirts with it and have the shirt hanging out to cover the fact the pants aren’t fastened.”

“I do not think that will be wise, Sir.” Jarvis said, “You have added three inches to your waist, a safety pin will not be sufficient to make your trousers decent.”

Tony groaned loudly and tossed the suit back into his closet, “I hate being pregnant.” 

“Noted Sir.”

“What the fuck am I supposed to wear?” Tony demanded, picking through his clothing, “Why don’t they make sexy clothes for pregnant people? Well, I guess it’s because they figure that there is no need for pregnant people to seduce anyone because the fact they are pregnant means they already have a partner, thus, the requirement for sexiness is unnecessary, and no one takes into account those of us who are loaning our wombs out for last son’s of Krypton and billionaires with challenges in the hair department. Or, you know, people who just had a one night stand and got left something to remember their fuck buddy by, and I don’t mean the hang over or the S.T.D.”

“I suppose not, Sir.” Jarvis’ voice had taken on that tone that sounded like he was suffering from exasperation and possibly constipation at the same time. Tony was inordinately proud of himself that he managed to make his AI sound so frustrated, it really was a feat of brilliance, which was more than could be said for his clothing. 

Finally, he selected a pair of wide legged maternity trousers, a plain cotton shirt, and a maternity cut suit jacket. 

“Not too bad I guess.” He said, looking himself over in the mirror, “What do you think J?” 

“You look very smart, Sir.” 

“But do I look sexy?” Tony shook his head, “Fuck it, I should have bought something new, fuck. Well, it’s not like Bruce hasn’t seen me wear worse, those fucking silver hot pants for instance! This is a definite step up from them.” 

“Quite so, Sir, and if I may. You need to be making your way out now, Sir, or you will be late.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay Jay, don’t wait up honey.” Tony said doing the button on his jacket up and heading for the door. 

 

*****

 

Bruce had to endure phone calls from his children demanding to know how he’d managed to “Fuck up” since his building climb had obviously been his attempt to make amends, and if his attempt had been successful, and if it were not, then they were going to “Kneecap him, flay him, disembowel him, and decapitate him.” In that order.

He’d only just gotten off the phone with them when Lex called demanding to know much the same and threatening to rip his spine out and beat him to death with it if he’s upset Tony. 

Deciding not to push Lex’s buttons and ask why it was only Tony’s feelings that mattered and not his own, Bruce promised that he’d made amends and that everything was fine and they were just taking things slow. 

Having acquired himself a new suit for the occasion he made his way to the Tower where Happy was waiting and drove them to the Italian Tony had spoken of in Queens. 

It was a small, out of the way place, that was off the beaten track enough that their presence should go unnoticed while they were having their first date in a decade. They made nervous small talk at first shooting each other uncertain grins and fidgeting in their seats before Bruce side and lay down his half eaten slice of garlic bread. 

“This is stupid. We know each other, there is no need for us to be nervous or uncertain because we already know everything there is to know about each other.”

“You’re right, it is stupid.” Tony agreed, “And speaking of stupid, why won’t you join up with either the Avengers or Superman’s team, again?” He smirked as Bruce choked on a mouthful of wine. Tony had insisted he not deprive himself so he had ordered a glass of the house red and was not disappointed. 

“I work alone.” Bruce said dabbing at his lips with a napkin.

“Uh-huh, except for Robin, Nightwing, Red Hood, and Red Robin, not to mention a couple of other vigilante’s who pop up from time to time, Dark Bat and Bat Girl.” Tony drawled, “But yeah, sure, you work alone.” Bruce narrowed his eyes in a glare,

“I can trust them.” Tony lay a hand over his chest and a dramatic show of being wounded making Bruce roll his eyes, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” Tony said, “And at one time I thought the same. That the loan wolf thing was the way to go. But then I was proven wrong. I couldn’t have defeated Vanko without Rhodey’s help, or Shields which it kills me to admit, and I certainly couldn’t have dealt with Killian and all his fucked up revenge bullshit on my own.” He twirled some linguini onto his fork, “And, there was all that shit with Loki and the Chitauri too, the recent stuff with Mr J and Harley Crazyness, and, going further back, you didn’t have a problem teaming up with Lex, Clark, and Wonder Woman when Doomsday was attacking.” He jabbed the fork at Bruce’s face as he spoke, then popped the pasta into his mouth and chewed, “I’m not saying that we should all but one big team and live together like some kind of fucking frat boys. I’m just saying that having back up you can always count on is a good thing.”

“Which I already have with the boys, and occasionally two vigilante girls too.” Bruce said. 

“And if it’s an apocalyptic problem like Doomsday or Loki?” Tony countered, “Do you want any of your kids facing that without superhuman back up?” Bruce made a noise in his throat. Of course he didn’t, he was glad his kids hadn’t been involved when Doomsday had attacked, he wouldn’t have wanted them anywhere near that monster, Gotham’s freaks were enough, too much sometimes, as Jason had discovered and paid for with his life.

“Think about it.” Tony said, “Two teams working together, so that one is always on call in case shit starts going down, and I don’t mean a bank robbery or drug dealers shooting the shit out of each other, I mean serious super-villain shit, and look at the teams, We have the last Son of Krypton, the man of steel himself. A Norse God who can summon lightning, an Amazonian Princess, the Dragonfly of Metropolis, Captain America, The Black Widow, Hawkeye, Falcon, the freakin’ Hulk, Red Hood, and Nightwing, not to mention, my glorious self. Honestly baby, why wouldn’t you want to be in on this? Are you feeling insecure about something? Is old age finally catching up with you and making it hard to keep up?” 

Bruce’s eyes narrowed, “Now you’re just pushing it.” He said, pointing his knife at Tony who leered back at him, unrepentant for his inuendo.

“But seriously, why not? And have Jason and Dick told you about the new potentials we have in mind? An actual honest to God Cyborg, that Fish-mermaid-dude that Clark met, some kid that might be commanding electricity or be moving faster than the speed of light, and a spiderling who is outside in the street wrestling with some asshole with a gun!”

Bruce frowned but when gunfire hit the air he spun around just in time to see a guy with a semi-automatic come flying backwards through the window having been thrown by some lanky skinny person in brightly coloured spandex with web designs on the material. 

“And stay down!” Spiderman shouted, his voice cracking on the last word, “Damnit.” He winced as the restaurant owner staggered forward to survey the damage. “Uh, sorry about the window, he was planning on robbing this place so, you know, lesser of two evils I guess?” He shrugged as the owner began to sputter and diners snapped photos, “So I’ll just be off now, yeah, we’re good, all good.” 

Spiderman shot web up at the rooftops about to sling himself back up onto the buildings before the cops arrived, but he paused as Tony yelled out to him, hurrying towards the front of the restaurant and stepped over the broken glass, kicking the would be robber in the testicles as he went and climbed out of the window into the street. 

“Hey there, you’re the spiderling, spider boy, kid…”

“Spider-Man.” Spider man said, his voice treacherously squeaking as he said this, “And you’re Mr Stark, Holy fuck Mr Stark knows me, and holy fuck I said holy fuck in front of Mr Stark!”

“Yeah, three times actually, but don’t worry, I have that effect on people.” Tony said waving off the swearing. 

“He really does.” Bruce drawled from inside the window where he had a boot planted on the robber’s chest just in case the asshole tried to make a run for it before the cops arrived. 

“So, yeah, nice work there.” Tony complimented, then shook his head, “Bad work on that costume, what is that, your pyjamas or something? That so won’t do at all, look at that shit, it’s not even bullet proof.”

“Well I heal fast and I move really quick.” Spider Man said defensively as he shifted about on the balls of his feet as if he needed to pee. 

“Yeah, and Thor is a freakin’ demi God yet even he wears armour, a breast plate at least.” Tony said, “So, you get your spider ass to my tower, you know where that is right? And I’ll get you fixed up with something way better than this excuse for an actual combat suit.” 

“I…”

“And as for the reason I know about you, well I’ll explain in detail then, but there are way to many civilians around right now, and I think it best we talk in private,” Tony lowered his voice to barely a whisper, “Peter.”

Spider Man gulped, “How… I mean, why would..”

“Hydra knew, we have their files.” Tony said, his voice still low, “And we talk in detail tomorrow, come around about two pm.”

“I have school.”

“I did not hear that.” Tony said shaking his head, “Five pm.”

“My umm guardian..”

“Jesus kid, you’re killing me, Eight PM?” Spider Man nodded his head like puppy. “Great.” Tony said with an exaggerated sigh, “I’ll see you then,” he straightened as the sound of sirens reached his ears, “You better go.”

“Yes, Sir, Mr Stark.” Spider Man said, “And I’ll see you tomorrow, and it’s supercool meeting you, I love Iron Man and technically we’ve met before, but I’ll tell you tomorrow, OHMYGOD I can’t wait to tell my best friend that I met the Tony Stark and shit, The Bruce Wayne too, this is the best night EVER!” Spider Man continued to babble as he webbed himself up onto the roof tops and hurried away as the police arrived. 

Tony nonchalantly handed the restaurant owner a wade of cash for the window as he stepped back into the restaurant and linked arms with Bruce, “What do you fancy for dessert?”


	18. Chapter 18

Central City.

 

Lex pulled his hood up over his head to better conceal himself as he walked through the back streets of the City. This was not a place that a well known wealthy man should be seen walking, any number of muggers might make a move on him and while he could protect himself, he didn’t particularly want to get into a fight. 

He found the warehouse that Barry Allen, the boy who’d been struck by lightning was currently squatting in. 

It was easy enough for Lex to force open one of the narrow windows, and even easier for him to slip his slender body inside the warehouse which Barry had turned into a home of sorts. If you considered several scruffy arm chairs, a plethora of electrical goods, and some questionable comic book figurines, and a terrifying array of junk food, a home. 

Quietly he sat himself down in one of the armchairs and settled down to wait for Barry to arrive. 

It wasn’t long before the pad lock on the door was being opened and Barry came into the warehouse, turning on the power which flooded the room with light as TV’s, computers, and lap tops came to life. 

The young man stopped dead when he saw Lex casually lounging in the chair. 

“Uh, hi?”

“Barry Allen.” Lex said, “Lex Luthor.”

“You say that like it explains why you are in my place, sitting in my second favourite chair.” Barry said, his whole body rigid with nervous tension that was not ease as Lex rose with the grace of a cat and approached him handing him the file that Hydra had collected on him. 

“You were struck by lightning, I know that,” Lex said walking past Barry to go and study the impressive suit that was on a mannequin, “From the footage Hydra collected it seems that you either have the ability to move exceptionally fast, or disrupt electrical fields, hell, maybe even teleport.” He looked back to Barry with a smirk, “Which one is it?”

Barry shook his head, “I have no idea what you are talking about, Mr Luthor,” He said the file down on a cluttered table, “That person in those photos may look like me, but I can guarantee that it is absolutely not me.”

“Uh huh, and the suit?” Lex asked, “Silica based quartz and fabric brazen resistant, heat resistant..”

“I do competitive ice dancing!” As excused went it was at least original.

“It’s what they use on the space shuttle to prevent it burning up on re-entry into the atmosphere.”

“I do very competitive ice dancing.” Barry’s eyes were wide and pleading, his expression one of fear and determination not to reveal anything. 

Mentally Lex shrugged, turning away from Barry to reach into his inside pocket and pulled out one of his dragon fly darts which he whirled around and flung at Barry. 

 

Barry moved with the speed force seeing the dart flying towards him, too fast for anyone else to see as anything but a blur, but he could see it and recognized the symbol, he gazed at Lex who was still in the posture of throwing the dart, then turned, grabbed the dart and moved back into regular speed. 

“You’re the Dragonfly.” He said holding the dart up with awe in his voice. 

“You can move really fast.” Lex said.

“That’s a bit of an over simplification…”

“We’re putting together a team.” Lex said, cutting Barry off, “Myself, Superman…”

“Whoa, Superman, like The Superman?” Barry covered his mouth gasping in shock, “Oh my God, that is, holy shit, yes I am in, I am so in!”

“You are?” Lex asked, a little taken aback considering he hadn’t finished speaking.

“Yeah well I need friends.” Barry said avoiding Lex’s eyes as he spoke, and shifted about nervously as if his body literally couldn’t stay still, “People are… they require a lot of focus, they have a rhythm that I haven’t been able to… like Brunch! What is brunch? I mean you wait around for like an hour and it’s essentially lunch,” he sighed, his shoulder’s slumping, “People are slow, and I’m fast.”

“I’ll try and keep up.” Lex said, a small pang in his heart for the young man who was as alone as he had been before he’d met Bruce and Tony, and eventually Clark. 

“So this team, is it gonna be like the Avengers, are we gonna be working with the Avengers? Holy crap Iron Man is having your babies isn’t he?” Barry was all but bouncing on his feet now, his grin so wide it looked painful.

“He is and we will work along side them, so that there is always a team available if something apocalyptic happens.” Lex said, he looked around the filthy warehouse, “Do you want to…”

“Get something to eat, hell yes, I am starving, but then I am always starving, moving at high speed burns a lot of calories so I constantly need food.”

“I was going to say do you want to me to help you find a decent place to live, but we can get food first.” Lex said, he was used to Clark’s bottomless pit of a stomach so Barry’s need for food wasn’t fazing him at all. 

“I.. you don’t have to… I mean I’m looking for a job and I’ll get something better than this, it’s okay, I mean I get that your rich an all, but you don’t know me and I can’t just take money from you.” Barry babbled, “I mean a pizza is cool, it’s what friends do right, go for pizza. But you getting me somewhere to live? That’s…”

“What Billionaire friends do.” Lex said patting Barry’s shoulder, “C’mon, let’s go get some pizza.”

“Billionaire friends.” Barry murmured before hurrying after Lex, “So, who else is gonna be on this team besides you and Superman, and am I gonna meet him soon?”

 

*****

 

New York 

 

Stark Tower

 

Peter bounced nervously on the balls of his feet outside the tower staring up at the penthouse. 

He couldn’t believe he was doing this, was actually going into Stark Towers to meet with Mr Stark himself! Ned had been so jealous and excited, demanding he get selfies with Mr Stark for them to put on Instagram. 

Peter hoped that Mr Stark was up for that or Ned would be super disappointed. 

Looking down at himself he frowned. He was dressed in jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie. Not really the sort of thing you wore to meet a Billionaire. Damn, he should have worn something smart, he should let Aunt May teach him to iron then he could wear a dress shirt and slacks. Well, it was too late now, he just had to hope that Mr Stark didn’t mind. 

Taking a deep breath Peter entered the lobby and made his way to the lift as there was no one on reception at this hour. The lift pinged open and Peter got in, staring at the buttons uncertainly. 

“Where may I take you, Mr Parker?” A voice said and Peter nearly leaped out of his skin.

“Who are you and how do you know my name?” He squeaked out. 

“I am Jarvis. Mr Stark’s AI.” 

Peter’s eyes widened, “AI? Really? Ohmygod that is so cool.” Wait till Ned heard about this!

“Mr Stark is expecting you in his workshop, may I take you there?” Jarvis asked.

“Hell yes! I mean, yes please, Mr Jarvis, Sir.”

“Jarvis is fine, thank you Mr Parker.”

“Okay, and Peter is fine too, thank you M… Jarvis.” 

 

Peter was buzzing with excitement when he exited the lift, and it only grew as he stepped inside Tony’s workshop and saw the amazing technology there. The holographic work stations, the fabrication units, the projects laying around in several stages of completion, and of course, the Iron Men suits in their display cases. 

“Ohmygod!” He whispered his eyes wide.

“Hey, Spidey, c’mon in.” Tony greeted, “Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, soda. No You he does not want a smoothie, no one wants a motor oil smoothie, I’ve told you that before.”

A robot slumped and beeped dejectedly. “That’s You.” Tony said pointing to the bot, “Butterfingers is on clean up.” A Bot with a broom beeped at Peter, “And Dum-E is over seeing fabrication.” A third body whirred at Peter.

“Are they all like Jarvis?” Peter asked stepping further into the workshop.

“Kinda.” Tony said, “They’re AI’s but less advanced, they were meant to be helper bots, instead they became troublesome toddlers that never grow up.” He slung an arm about Peter’s shoulders, “So, the reason I know about you is because Hydra knew about you. They had a file on you and were planning to either have you work for them, or to kill you.” He patted Peter’s arm as he felt the boy tense, “It’s okay, we have the file now, and they’re not going to get their slimy tentacles on you.” He guided Peter towards one of the work stations and brought up a 3D holo image of a suite that was in red and blue, and had the crest of a spider over the chest. 

“So, I’m getting started on this, definitely bullet proof, and resistant to corrosive substances, light weight and flexible so it won’t hinder you, I’ll need to know about your abilities. Hydra only knew that you moved like a spider after being bitten by one, a radioactive spider at Oscorp.”

“Uh-huh, made me real sick, then I was suddenly super stronger, really flexible and fast, and I can stick to stuff. The fluid though? Well I make that, and I have slingers…” He fumbled with his backpack to get the slingers out to show Tony. “Back to the Hydra wants to kill me? My Aunt, she doesn’t know and she would freak if she did, but is she safe?” Peter looked expectantly almost frantically at Tony who sighed,

“You haven’t told her?”

“I can’t. She would totally freak out and like ground me forever, and I can’t be grounded forever, I have to go out and help people, because if I don’t then people die and I can stop that, I can stop the bad guys like I did last night, but she won’t understand and….”

“Whoa, slow down and breathe.” Tony said guiding Peter away from the work station to his worn couch and pushed him down to sit. He sat before the teen and drew in a deep breath, “I’ve gotta be straight with you, I have no idea what I am doing here. I don’t have experience with kids, I don’t know how to be… Fatherly or anything, and I am probably not the best person to be giving out advice, but I think that you need to tell your Aunt what has happened.”

“No, no, I can’t…”

“She has a right to know.” Tony said, “If you want I can go with you to speak to her, but you need to tell her.”

Peter slumped down in his seat, “She’ll freak out, Mr Stark. She won’t let me be Spiderman.”

“You don’t know that.” Tony said, “Not if you explain things to her.” He sat back on the coffee table and folded his arms above his growing bump, “You know, when I first started as Iron Man, Pepper didn’t want me to continue, She was worried I’d get myself killed, but she understands now, and I’m not alone anymore, I have a team, a team I hope you can become part of.” Peter’s eyes widened and a smile began to stretch over his face, “But only if you talk to your Aunt.”

The smile faded and Peter slumped again, “You promise you’ll talk to her with me?” 

Tony grinned, “I promise.” He said and patted Peter’s knee, “But until then how about we get a start on building you that suit, and I introduce you to the Bots a little more, and maybe an Avenger or two?” 

“YES!”


	19. Chapter 19

Shield HQ.

 

It was probably a bad idea to allow Bucky Barnes free access to the internet and Youtube. Or at least Steve thought so when Bucky waxed poetic about the wonders of Youtube, having fallen in love with all the videos on there, especially Epic Rap Battles of History, and Bart Bakers Parody’s of popular artists. 

“Have you seen it? Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler?” He enthused to Steve, “There are three of them and they are hilarious, Adam vs Eve, James Bond vs Austin Powers, oh and speaking of have you seen those movies, they are incredible!”

“Wait until you see Lord of the Rings, or Jurassic Park.” Steve said, taking a seat besides Bucky’s bunk. Bucky had made enough progress that Steve was now allowed inside the cell with him rather than having to sit in a chair the other side of the glass. Bucky was sat on his bunk, cross legged with his lap top on his lap, staring avidly at the screen. Steve could remember being as amazed by the modern technology when he’d first come out of the ice. 

Back when he’d gone into the ice the first computers were just being built and they took up an entire room, having no actual screen and spat out information onto strips of paper like a telegraph machine. Their capability at the time had been considered incredible, but they were nothing when compared with what the computers of this era could do, the amount of information that could be stored upon devices that were small enough to fit inside a palm or rest comfortably on a lap. 

He’d heard people speaking of “Old” computers and the Box like screens, the weight of the original laptops, the size of the earliest mobile phones, and they made it sound like this technology was eons old, obsolete, archaic when only a few short decades ago such devices would have been a marvel to behold. 

These days technology was designed to be sleek, light weight, stylish, and affordable. It seemed that pretty much everyone owned a computer or a smart phone, or even both. Touch screens were either loved or hated, people either saying that they still preferred to use actual keys rather than the virtual keyboard that came up on the screens of phones and tablets. 

Tony went one better of course, he had holographic keyboards and talked of how these would be the next step in commercial technology, that in ten-fifteen years even touch screen would be outdated. 

That thought terrified Steve a little, he was still struggling with using his phone that had far too many apps, options, and funny symbols upon it and his ring tone kept changing randomly to irritating pop songs and he had no idea how to stop it from happening when he didn’t know how it had happened in the first place, but he was starting to suspect Tony and Clint were involved as they would snicker every time his phone rang an a different tune would play. 

If these style devices would soon be obsolete and he could only just manage to use them how would he cope with holographic screens?

“You alright punk? You’ve got an expression like a constipated duck!”

“I’m fine.” Steve said then frowned, “A constipated duck? Do ducks even get constipated?”

“Oh the fuck would I know, I’ve never known one intimately!” Bucky shot him a bright grin as Steve sighed in exasperation, “What’s it like at that Frat house you are living in?” 

“It’s not a frat house.” Steve protested blushing at the term. 

“Seems like one from what I’ve seen on the net.” Bucky said, “Some punk ass dude climbing the tower to get to Stark, posts on twitter about how Asgardians like to walk around naked, an eating contest which is on Youtube….”

Steve groaned. The eating contest had been an absurd dare between Thor and Clint as to who could eat the most pop tarts in one sitting. Clint had reached fifty and had to give up, spending the next four hours nursing his throbbing stomach and moaning piteously while Thor had eaten two hundred Pop tarts and had beamed ecstatically at his victory. Sadly Tony had Jarvis record the whole sorry affair and load it onto Youtube. 

There was also another incident, something a blown up in the lab and Hulk had been triggered, Tony had gone to intervene and the big guy had faltered before him frowning down at “Tin man who not tin.” And promptly declared “Hulk want Ice cream!” 

Tony had then taken Hulk by his massive hand, lead him out of the tower to the nearest ice cream parlour and proceeded to buy the contents of the entire shop for Hulk to eat. 

The Hulk sat on the floor of the ice cream parlour since none of the chairs would stand his weight, slurping down ice cream and using an actual ice cream scoop as a dessert spoon, with Tony Stark nonchalantly sat besides him licking a cherry cone was certainly a sight to behold. 

Once people got over their initial terror of the Hulk being out and about, they ventured forward and snapped photos and videos of the whole thing, even managing to get the dialogue of Tony and Hulk discussing which Ice Cream flavour was the best. 

Chocolate fudge was best according to Hulk, where Tony said he loved Hazelnut prior to becoming pregnant, but had gone off it since his taste buds had changed.

Since then Hagan Daz and Ben and Jerry’s had been flooded with demands from fans for them to invent Avenger Ice Cream flavours. 

The whole thing, while ridiculous, had served as excellent PR for the Hulk, giving the chance for people to see him as a person rather than a ferocious beast. 

Banner however had not been amused when Hulk had returned to the tower and shrunk back down into his form, leaving him to deal with digestion of an epic food baby! 

“I actually have some news about the Tower.” Steve said, turning serious, “Tony has told me to tell you that when you are given the green light by the Doctors, you are welcome to come and live with us there.”

“Me?” Bucky said looking bewildered and then alarmed, “Does he know, do you know what I did?” He asked, his voice dropping and eyes lowering to the ground, “Howard and his wife, Stevie, I killed them.”

“We know.” Steve said, “And it wasn’t you, not really you. It may have been your body, but it was Hydra pulling the strings, not you.” 

Bucky nodded his head which was still slumped, his shoulders bowed inwards. “It doesn’t feel like it.” He said, “Not when I remember, not when I dream. Then it’s just me, or that’s what it feels like, I can see myself doing all these things, hurting all these people, innocent people Stevie. The men are bad enough but they had been butchering Women and sometimes even children.” When he looked up there were tears shining in his eyes, “I know we both did our fair share of killing back in the war, but that was soldier to soldier. This was just murder and these people had done nothing to deserve it, their families certainly hadn’t and yet Hydra would have me wipe them all out, even infants in their damn cots..” He broke off with a sob and Steve moved, pulling him into embrace, “I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered clinging to Steve, “Sorry you have to see me like this, so damn weak.”

“Bullshit Buck, you are anything but weak.” Steve said holding Bucky tighter and rubbing his back, “If there is something I’ve learned from the twenty-first century it’s that it is not weak to admit that you need help or to show emotion, pretending a problem doesn’t exist won’t make it go away, the only way to deal with it is to talk about it and try to resolve it.”

Bucky shuddered against Steve’s chest and sniffed hard before sitting up and wipe his face, “Shell shock. We never spoke of it back then, did we?” 

“We never spoke of many things back then.” Steve agreed, “Wife beaters, rape, abortion, racism, religious intolerance. It was all taboo back then, all hushed up as if it wasn’t happening, but it was, we know it was, and now it is spoken of and something is done to change things. Maybe not enough is being done but at least things are not ignored as they were back then.”

“Still seems to have been a simpler time to have lived in though.” Bucky sighed, “Everything seems so complicated today, you can’t even talk to dames the way you would have back then, or call ‘em dames.”

Steve chuckled silently at the thought of Bucky calling Natasha or Pepper a Dame. “There is a lot to learn and take in.” Steve agreed, “But there are good things too,” He gestured to Bucky’s discarded laptop, “Youtube for a start. Why don’t you show me some of those rap battles you were on about?” 

Laughing wetly Bucky nodded, and typed on the keyboard to bring up Youtube. Pulling the chair closer to the bed, Steve spent the rest of the visit laughing at the videos with Bucky, cheering him back up before he had to leave, promising to visit again the following week. 

Bucky was brighter when he left, was smiling and had laughed with him at the videos, so despite his break down, Steve felt confident that he was progressing, after all, Sam had told him that breaking down into tears was healthy and therapeutic especially for someone who had undergone programming like Bucky had. 

Getting back in touch with his emotions was important as was expressing them, so his crying was a good sign even if Steve didn’t like seeing his best friend upset.

Considering Bucky’s new-found love of videos, maybe he should talk to Tony about them doing an Avengers video especially for Bucky, something light hearted, silly, something that would make him laugh like the Clint vs Thor eating contest had.

Tony would no doubt be up for it, maybe even some of Superman’s team would like to get involved too, a joint venture, something to show the funny “Human” sides of themselves to the world, and give Buck something to laugh at.

 

*****

 

Queens

 

“For God sakes kid will you stay still, your nervous energy is giving me nervous energy.” Tony sighed as Peter shifted about outside his and Aunt May’s apartment.

“Sorry Mr Stark, It’s just I am so fu.. freaking nervous. What if she’s mad at me? will she be mad at me do you think? Oh God she is gonna be so mad at me I’ll be grounded until I’m an old man of thirty!”

Tony glared at Peter, “I’m forty.” He reminded the teen whose eyes widened in horror just as May opened the door. “Well, Peter, you didn’t tell me your aunt was hot!” Tony said giving May his best playboy grin, “Mrs Parker, if I didn’t know you were Peter’s aunt I’d think you were his older sister!”

“Mr Stark!” Peter protested in a strangulated voice horrified by the sight of Tony flirting with his aunt, who blushed at his smile and shook his hand, looking confused as to why a Billionaire would be with her nephew and coming into their apartment.

“There’s something I, we need to talk to you about.” Peter said wringing his hands, as the three of them sat in the living room, with tea and the best biscuits that aunt May had in the apartment, (He’d be getting it in the neck about not giving her forewarning enough to go and buy better items.)

“Oh Peter, you’re not in trouble are you?” May asked looking alarmed, “He’s not is he?” She asked Tony, “He’s such a good boy, I honestly can’t think of anything…”

“No, no, Peter’s in no trouble.” Tony assured her, “He’s…” He looked to Peter, who avoided his gaze continuing to wring his hands, “Do you remember the spider bite he suffered when he was at Oscorp?” 

“Yes.” May said fiercely “And if I had the money for a lawyer I would have sued that incompetent asshole for all he was worth,” Her eyes widened at the use of language before Tony who just grinned back at her.

“Well it seems that the spider bite gave Peter some rather unique abilities, which he has been putting to use around Queens.” Tony said looking to Peter silently willing the kid to take it from there.

“What abilities?” May asked also looking at her scarlet nephew, “Wait… spider… you.. no, Peter No!”   
She cried covering her mouth with her hands, “No you can’t be!”

“I’m sorry!” Peter cried his face a mask of misery, “I wanted to tell you, but I was scared you’d stop me from being Spider-Man, and I have to be Spider-Man, I have to save people. That’s how I met Mr Stark, he was on a date with Mr Wayne and I stopped an armed robber from attacking the restaurant they were in and Mr Stark invited me to his Tower, and I got to meet Dr Banner and Hawkeye, and do you know that Hawkeye lives in the vents at the tower, that he has nests in there?”

“He won’t when I flush them with liquid nitro.” Tony grumbled. 

May was shaking her head, “No Peter, no. Armed Robbers? You can’t do this, I can’t lose you too!” She wept, jumping to her feet and pulling Peter into a tight hug, “I won’t lose you, you are all I have.”

“You’re not gonna lose me May.” Peter said looking over his shoulder at Tony desperately. “Mr Stark’s gonna build me a suit, something bullet proof but flexible so it won’t interfere with my abilities…”

“A suit!” May cried turning to look at Tony accusingly,

“Thanks kid.” Tony drawled, “It won’t be an Iron Man or War Machine suit. But a combat suit, something better than the pyjamas he wears now.”

“They’re not pyjamas!” Peter protested.

“Hush!” May snapped, she folded her arms and sat again before Tony, “He is a child, he is too young for this.”

“I know.” Tony said, “And were it up to me I’d make him stop too, but it isn’t my call, and I don’t think it’s yours either. This is Peter’s decision, one he is mature enough to make. Now you can ground him, tell him he can’t go out as Spider Man and he will just wait until you are asleep and then go, he’ll do it in secret as he has been until now, shouldering the burden alone, and without any back up from people who can help protect him.”

“People like you.” May said, her voice brittle and her mouth a tight line of barely controlled emotion.

“Yes. People like me, who can build him a state of the art combat suit, people like Captain America, Black Widow, Dragonfly, and Hawkeye who can teach him actual fighting methods and disciplines. All of us combined to have his back when he needs us, so that when he goes out he won’t be truly alone.”

May sagged back in her seat her shoulders slumping down in defeat. Peter crouched down before her resting his hands on her knees, “Please Aunt May. I promise I won’t get hurt, but I have to do this. I was given these powers for a reason, to protect people, to save people, like Uncle Ben.”

May’s eyes widened at the mention of her late husband and she took Peter’s hands into her own, squeezing them, “He would have been very proud of you.” She whispered, “What you’d done, what you’ve taken on.” 

“I hope so.” Peter whispered, “I want to make him proud, make you proud…”

“Oh Peter, you make me proud just by being you.” May said cupping his cheek, she sighed heavily and looked to Tony, “Can you guarantee me his safety?”

Tony paused and took a breath before replying, “No, I can’t, no one can. But I can promise to do my best to protect him and prepare him.” 

May nodded, “That’s fair, and I appreciate you not lying to me or trying to make me feel better with false promises.” Again she sighed, “I hate to be rude, but I think Peter and I need to talk on our own…”

“I understand.” Tony said getting to his feet and held out his hand, “It was a pleasure meeting you, Mrs Parker.”

“You too Mr Stark.” May said shaking Tony’s hand, the billionaire looked to Peter who was self-hugging, 

“You’ve got my number, gimme a call when you’re ready, Kid.” He reached into his pocket and took out his card giving it to May, “My direct line in case you need me or just want to talk, this is a lot to take in I know.”

“Thank you Mr Stark.” May said taking the card, “Peter, please see Mr Stark out, and then we’ll talk.”

“Okay.” Peter mumbled, he shuffled his way to the door with Tony who patted his shoulder, 

“You’ll be alright kid.”

“You think?” Peter asked, clearly not as optimistic.

“I know.” Tony corrected, “Go back and talk…” He broke with gasp and clutched at his stomach as he felt a sudden twist of pain. 

“Mr Stark?” Peter asked his eyes widening as Tony let out a sharp groan of pain, doubling over as if he’d been punched in the gut, “Aunt May!” He yelled, “There’s something wrong with Mr Stark!” 

“What?” May cried hurrying into the hall as Tony let out another moan of pain, reaching one hand between his thighs, pushing against the material and pulling it away bloody…


	20. Chapter 20

“What do we do, what do we do?” Peter babbled his eyes practically bulging out of his head in fear and panic.

“Call and ambulance.” May ordered him,

“No.” Tony whispered, “Happy’s downstairs in the car, he can take me to the hospital faster.” Tony wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and sob, but he had to keep it together, he had to get himself to a hospital, maybe it wasn’t too late, maybe the babies could be saved…

May and Peter helped Tony get back downstairs and across the street to where Happy was waiting, the man’s normally happy face turned ashen at the sight of Tony and he wasted no time in opening the limo’s doors and getting into the driving seat. 

“I wanna go with Mr Stark.” Peter said as May helped get Tony into the back seat, 

“We’re both going.” May replied climbing into the limo,

“You don’t have…”

“I’m a Nurse Mr Stark, I won’t leave a patient in distress.” May said as Peter scrambled into the car and had hardly sat down before Happy had put his foot down, pulling out into the traffic and going twenty mph over the speed limit uncaring what tickets he got or what cops he might piss off. 

Another cramp struck Tony and he felt more wetness on his thighs. Screwing his eyes shut he called out to Jarvis.

“Yes Sir?” The AI responded immediately.

“Call Lex and Clark, tell them what’s happening, and tell them I’m sorry.” 

“At once Sir, and may I offer my deepest sympathies to yourself as well.”

“Thanks J.” Tony whispered. He started when he felt a hand cover his own and he looked over to see Peter had laced his fingers through his and was holding his hand trying to offer his support while looking like he might burst into tears at any moment.

“It might not be a miscarriage.” May said, “Bleeds sometimes happen during pregnancy, especially during multiple births.”

“I’m sure it’ll be all right, Mr Stark.” Peter offered squeezing Tony’s hand.

Tony nodded, not trusting himself to speak, it was all he could do not to start crying right there and then. 

 

*****

 

Happy carried Tony into the hospital, with May directing him to the OB/GYN department and Peter hurrying along besides them. 

As they were not family the front desk was as far as May and Peter could go once Tony was admitted, the Nurses and on duty Registra whisking him away, leaving them to go and take a seat in the waiting room, as Happy began to pace and make several calls on his phone to Pepper and Rhodey. 

It was only a few minutes after they had arrived that the easily recognizable figure of Lex Luthor came bursting onto the department floor with a very large dark haired man besides him. 

“Tony Stark.” Lex barked at the receptionist, “Where is he? I know he was admitted here, where is he?” 

“Are you family?” The rather austere receptionist asked with a risen eyebrow.

Lex glared at her, “Yes I’m fucking family, now where the fu..” Clark placed a large hand on Lex’s shoulder and pushed him back from the desk before Lex’s temper had them thrown out of the hospital.

“Hi.” He said to the receptionist politely, “We’re technically family. Mr Stark is acting as surrogate for us, Lex is the Father of the pups he is carrying.”

The receptionist looked coldly at them, “Technically family is not family.” She said, “Go to the waiting room and the duty Doctor will see you if and when Mr Stark asks for your presence.”

Had it not been for Clark’s solid grip on him then Lex would have launched himself at the receptionist, but Clark prevented him from doing so and half carried him to the waiting room just as Happy finished speaking to Pepper.

“Mr Luthor!” Peter yelped upon seeing Lex, “Holy shit I’ve met three billionaires in as many days!” 

“Peter language.” May scolded him, she gave Lex an apologetic look, “Mr Luthor, I am May Parker, I’m a nurse, Mr Stark was at our apartment when he began to bleed…” She trailed off as Lex stiffened, but Clark held out a hand for her to shake.

“Thank you for bringing him in and staying here.” He said to her, “I’m Clark Kent, Lex’s fiancé.”

“This can’t be happening, why the fuck is this happening?” Lex hissed, wrapping his arms about himself tightly, he looked to Happy, “Has anyone called Bruce? He’ll want to be here for Tony.”

“I haven’t.” Happy said, “But I can ask Jarvis to do so.” Lex shook his head and pulled out his phone, dialling the manor, moments later Alfred answered the phone and apologised that Bruce was not available having gone out on patrol. 

Cursing, Lex explained the situation and asked Alfred to let Bruce know at the earliest opportunity. 

After hanging up, Lex let Clark push him down into a seat and leaned against his fiance’s side when Clark sat besides him. 

As they waited for the Doctors to come and give them news, they were joined by Pepper and the rest of the Avengers. As Rhodey was at a base in DC he couldn’t get to New York until he was given leave to do so but had told Happy that he’d be in New York as soon as he could and to pass on his love for Tony. 

Peter introduced May to Banner and Clint, and the rest of the Avengers introduced themselves, sitting down or standing against the walls as they waited for news to arrive. 

After what felt like an eternity the registra came into the waiting room and looked a little taken aback when he saw the Avengers sitting there. 

“How is he?” Lex demanded, getting straight to his feet, “Can we see him?” 

“You may.” The Doctor said, “But only for a few minutes, Mr Stark needs to rest.” 

“And the babies?” Clark whispered, fearing the worst. But the Doctor smiled,

“Ultrasounds have detected three heartbeats, and for the moment at least the bleeding has stopped. However it could start again, and a miscarriage is still possible. With that in mind, we’re going to admit him for a while and monitor his condition.”

“Whatever he needs, Doctor.” Lex said. 

“Can we all see him?” Steve asked, “Even if it’s just to poke our heads around the door to say hello?” The Doctor looked for a moment like he would refuse, but Steve gave him his best puppy dog eyes and the man caved, nodding his head and allowing everyone to have five minutes with Tony, and half an hour for Lex and Clark. 

The team, May, Peter, Pepper, and Happy, let Lex and Clark go first, taking the time to make phone calls to Bruce or rather Alfred again, and to Rhodey to let them know the updated situation. 

Both men were greatly relieved that Tony hadn’t miscarried, and Rhodey had managed to get himself two days compassionate leave starting the next day so he would be in New York by mid-morning to see Tony. 

Alfred promised to pass on the news to Bruce as soon as he came off patrol and said that they should expect him in New York by morning if not sooner as the man would undoubtedly drop everything to be at Tony’s side. 

 

*****

Lex and Clark were taken to a private room where Tony was laid back in bed, the foot of which was slightly raised, he was in a hospital gown and had a foetal heart monitor about his abdomen that was recording the babies heartbeats. 

“I’m so sorry.” He apologised as soon as they came into the room, his eyes filling with tears. 

“No, this isn’t your fault.” Lex assured him going straight to his side and very gently pulling him into a hug, “And everything is alright, the babies are alright, and you are alright.”

“So far.” Tony whispered, “But the Doctor said that could change spontaneously.” He sniffed and wiped at his cheeks with the back of his hands, “I saw them on the screen again. So tiny, their little hearts beating away. They want to live, I know they want to live, I can feel it, but my stupid, useless body…”

“Hey,” Lex said cutting him off and linking his hands with Tony’s “Stop blaming yourself or your body. This is not your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just fucking nature being a bastard or a bitch.”

“He’s right Tony.” Clark said offering him a reassuring smile, “Please don’t beat yourself up about this, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But maybe I have.” Tony whispered looking down at his belly, “Maybe I’ve been doing too much, trying to carry on as normal. Shit, when Hulk triggered a week ago, I went to him because I believed that he wouldn’t hurt me, he was only brought out because Bruce had been startled by an explosion in his lab.”

“And you were right, you went for ice cream with him.” Lex said, “It was all over the papers the next day, Hulk sized cravings!” The fact Tony didn’t smile showed how unhappy he was. 

“I could have been wrong. I could have gotten the Pups killed, and I’ve still be drinking coffee, not just decaf, only three cups a day, but still…” 

“Hey stop!” Lex ordered taking Tony’s face into his hands, “Enough of this. You haven’t miscarried, and even if you had, it would not have been your fault. One in three pregnancies end in miscarriage and no one knows why, it just happens, it’s shit, but it happens and it isn’t anyone’s fault.” 

“And the babies are fine.” Clark said, “They look… well I guess normal for this stage, I’m not a doctor, but they don’t look distressed or malformed or anything but… perfect.” He stopped when he saw both Lex and Tony staring at him, “I uh.. might have peaked!” 

“There’s laws against that you peeping Tom!” Lex teased and managed to get a small chuckle from Tony. 

“They’re really okay?” He asked and Clark nodded.

“From what I can tell, but as I said, I’m no Doctor.” 

“That’s good enough for me.” Lex said, “The ultrasounds would have shown something amiss by now,” He cocked his head to one side, “I don’t suppose you decided to take a look at what they are?” 

Clark tried to appear innocent, widening his eyes and gasping at Lex as if he were hurt by the question. Lex didn’t buy it for a second and just gave him the kind of look he used on his board room, the kind that made executives piss themselves, and Clark crumbled. 

“We’re having a boy, and two girls.” He said sheepishly, but swiftly brightened at the joy that broke out over Tony and Lex at the news. 

The rest of the visit was taken up in discussions of baby names, William was still the favourite for their Son, with suggestions of Connor, Caleb, Michael, Jacob, and Christopher being offered as middle names. 

One of the girls was to be called Lily, but a middle name was yet to be decided, as were the first and middle names of her sister. 

Reluctantly Lex and Clark made their farewells promising to be back in the morning. The rest of Tony’s visitors paid him very brief visits to give him their love and promising to be back the next day to see him, all of them telling him to rest and not to worry. 

Left alone, save for the nurses who came to check on him and dim the lights in his room, Tony settled down as much as he could in the hospital bed and closed his eyes, letting the rhythmic sound of the babies heartbeats lull him into sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fluffy funny chapter. Let me know what you think of the ice creams

Bruce had of course wanted to go straight to the hospital despite it being three am when he got back to the manor, Alfred had to remind him that there was no way he’d be allowed to see Tony at that hour and that he should wait until morning, or at least later in the morning before he went to see him. 

The boys all insisted on accompanying, Dick and Tim out of concern, Jason to take the piss out of Bruce, and Damian to ensure his Father “Didn’t fuck it all up again.” 

On the way to the hospital the boys insisted that they stop for gifts, they had Bruce buy a huge bouquet of flowers, a cute teddy bear holding a love heart, a box of expensive chocolates, and the obligatory bunch of grapes that people always get for those in hospital. 

Arms loaded with the gifts the family descended on Tony who was sat up in the hospital reading a scientific journal that had been brought in by Banner during an earlier visit. 

His room also sported several bunches of flowers, get well cards, and balloons that had been tied to the bed by his various visitors. 

“Looks like we were beaten to it.” Tim said as they entered the room and Tony put the journal down.

“Hi, I didn’t expect to see you guys here.” He said, “And thank you, aww that is so cute.” He said as he was given the gifts, hugging the teddy bear to his chest. 

“So are you alright?” Damian asked, looking at the foetal heart monitor and then at Tony’s growing bump. 

“So far.” Tony said, “There hasn’t been anymore bleeding so the Doctor’s are hopeful that will be it.”

“Thank God.” Bruce breathed out. He knew that Tony would have been devastated if he’d lost the babies, or even one of them. Would have blamed himself and never forgiven his body for what he would perceive as a failure. 

“Are they moving yet?” Tim asked curiously, “Can you feel them?” 

“No, not yet.” Tony said, “That’s supposed to start at around five to six months, so it’s a bit soon.” He grinned, “I can let you in on a secret though. Clark took a look last night, and it’s a boy and two girls.” 

“Oh my God!” Dick cried covering his mouth. 

“So cool, have Lex and Clark picked out any names yet?” Tim asked. 

“A couple, but they want to keep it quiet for now.” 

“Are you sure he’s right about the sexes?” Damian asked, looking sceptical, “He’s an alien, he might have mistaken the parts.” 

Jason snorted, “I don’t think you can mistake penises, Demon.” He scoffed, ruffling Damian’s hair and was promptly kicked in the shin for his trouble by said demon. 

“Yours could.” Damian spat, “It’s so small that a bird would mistake it for a worm, a skinny, shrivelled worm!”

“How the fuck would you know pube-less, your balls haven’t even dropped yet.” Jason snarled back at him. 

“At least when they do they won’t be the size of peas and I won’t do all my thinking with them!” 

“Boys enough.” Bruce shouted, “This is a hospital, people don’t need to hear the two of you screeching at each other like deranged alley cats.” 

“Makes for some entertainment though.” Dick offered with a shameless grin. 

Reaching into his jacket for his wallet, Bruce pulled out a wad of notes and handed it to Tim, who was the most sensible of the four of them, “Go to the café and get yourselves something to eat and drink, and give me and Tony some peace.” 

“So you can make out.” Jason teased. 

“Or just make pathetic eyes at each other.” Damian sneered, his scowl dark as he glared at everyone. The four of them hadn’t even reached the lift before another squabble had broken out, this time between Jason and Dick and it echoed down the corridors before the lift doors closed silencing the bickering pair. 

“It’s worse than herding cats.” Bruce groaned with a weary sigh. Tony laughed, his hands cupping his belly protectively. 

“They’re great, a little crazy perhaps, but great.”

“A lot crazy, at least that’s what they are making me.” Bruce grumbled, “As well as grey and possible senile.” 

“Aww, don’t worry baby, I like your grey, it makes you look distinguished.” Tony assured him, “Besides, I don’t know what you’re worrying about, I’m out growing my clothes at rapid pace, will soon be contending with stretch marks, and losing sight of my feet.” 

“Well when you put it that way…,” Bruce reached up and took Tony’s hand, “It’s going to be hard isn’t it, giving them up at the end?” 

Tony nodded, “It will. I’m trying not to grow attached to them, but… I can’t stop myself, I love them, even though they won’t be mine, I love them so much it hurts to just think about losing them, and yet that’s what’s gonna happen.” He felt his eyes burn as tears threatened and he forcefully blinked them back, “But Lex and Clark are going to be amazing parents, they are going to give these babies everything, both material and emotional, what more could I want for them?” 

Bruce held his gaze rubbing his thumb over the back of Tony’s knuckles, “I still think you are very brave to go through this, incredibly brave in fact. If I was in the position or rather the gender to surrogate for someone, I don’t think I could do it, I don’t think I’d have the strength to go through with it.”

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, Bat Man has never lacked for courage, and neither has Bruce Wayne. Common sense and a sense of self preservation, but never a lack of courage.” 

Bruce smiled ruefully, “Yeah, well, maybe this old bat has had some sense talked into him at last, at least about this team work idea.” 

“Oh?” Tony immediately brightened, “You’re going to join the teams? Are you coming into the Avengers, oh please say that you are, I want to ogle your ass in that suit of yours, not to mention those muscly thighs and shoulders!” 

Bruce snorted, “You want me to be in the Avengers so you can perv on the Bat?” he asked incredulous and Tony shrugged completely shameless.

“A pregnant Omega has to get his rocks off somehow.” 

“By perving on a middle aged billionaire in a bat suit?” 

“A really hot billionaire in a bat suit.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Bruce huffed a laugh. 

“You’re incorrigible, and you make a tempting offer, but no, I am planning on joining the Justice League.”

“Oh come on, why? What have they got that the Avengers don’t?”

“It’s more what they haven’t got.” Bruce said, “They don’t have Captain America, and don’t get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy, but also one that will be giving orders rather than taking them, and I don’t do well with being given orders.”

“You don’t say.” Tony drawled and huffed, “Fine, okay then, go join the other team,” he then brightened, “Maybe I can be made official liaison, and we can Liaise with each other!”

“Incorrigible.”

 

***** 

 

Late afternoon brought the Avengers back to the Hospital, this time bearing gifts of ice cream which they had brought in a cooler alone with plastic spoons. 

“Ben and Jerry’s made these a special delivery and want feed back from us.” Natasha explained, “They will be going on the shelves in a couple of months time if we give them approval.” 

“They really named ice creams after us?” Tony asked incredulously.

“Uh huh.” Clint said, opening a carton and handing it to Tony, “Your very own Stark Raving Hazelnut.” It was hazelnut ice cream swirled with a chocolate and hazelnut sauce and tiny caramelized hazelnut pieces.

“I am Minty Thor!” Thor declared opening a tub of mint green ice cream studded with dark chocolate hammers. 

“What did they come up with for Cap, they already have an apple pie flavour or did they just rename it?” Tony asked as the treats were distributed. 

“Oh no, his is Captain Pecan Pie.” Natasha declared grinning at a blushing Steve who narrowed his eyes at her. Taking his tub of vanilla flavoured ice cream with pieces of crumbly pecan pie and caramelized pecans.

“I’ve got a Hunka Hulk’a burnin’ fudge.” Banner said looking bewildered at his signature ice cream, a creamy caramel ice cream with a gooey fudge core, swirled in caramel fudge syrup. 

“Tash’s flavoured blood and arsenic.” Clint quipped, ducking the swipe she aimed at his head. 

Sniffing disdainfully at Clint, Natasha revealed the ice cream that had been named for her, “Black Widow delight.” Dark chocolate ice cream with chunks of Turkish delight. 

“And what did you get, Hawkass?” Tony asked, “Birdseed flavour?” 

“Oh hardy har.” Clint sneered, “Mine is Mississippi mud Hawkeye.” He proudly declared showing off the rich chocolate ice cream with chunks of crumbled dark chocolate biscuit pieces and chocolate sauce. 

“And Sam?” 

The Falcon pilot looked horribly embarrassed and would probably have stayed silent had Clint not been as asshole and proudly declared, “Cheery Cherry Falcon swirl.” It was a cherry flavoured ice cream swirled with a rich cherry sauce and had small chocolate falcons in it. Clint laughed at Sam’s expense, “I guess they know that he hasn’t had a cherry popped yet!” 

“Oh screw you, Hawkass.” Sam shot back, “If that’s the case then Cap should have been cherry pie not pecan pie!”

“I am not a virgin!” Steve bellowed for the thousandth, then turned as red as the ice cream Sam was holding as his voice echoed through out the unit and everyone nearby stared at him. 

“Fifty bucks that’s on twitter within the next ten minutes.” Clint said, “Any takers?” 

“Sucker bet.” Tony said digging into his ice cream. 

They all tried each other’s ice creams so they could give decent feedback to Ben and Jerry’s. 

Stark Raving Hazelnut was sweet, the nuts had a good crunch and the sauce a good flavour, but the ice cream did have a slightly chalky after taste. 

Cheery Cherry Falcon Swirl might be a little sharp for some people’s tastes, but those who preferred a dessert with a tang would definitely enjoy it. 

Black Widow Delight was an acquired taste, neither Tony, Clint, or Sam liked Turkish Delight finding it too perfumed. 

Captain Pecan Pie had a good flavour, the ice cream very creamy and the nuts good and crunchy, but the pie pieces were a little too chewy.

Minty Thor would be a favourite, it was simple and tasty, but maybe a dark chocolate and mint sauce could be added to give it a bit of a kick.

Mississippi mud Hawkeye was definitely going to be a hit because who didn’t love chocolate? The only suggestion was that the sauce be dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. 

Hunka Hulka’ burnin’ fudge was declared perfect and the winner of the taste tests. 

“Oh hey, Haagan Dazs are not going to be outdone by Ben and Jerry’s.” Sam said, checking his phone, “As they don’t have a base to send their trial flavours to, they’ve given fifty people the chance to try their new flavours instead.” He looked at the room, grinning, “Get ready for it. Salted Caramel Dragon. Coconut Wonder. Dark Chocolate Knight. Raspberry Robin Ripple. And last but certainly not least, Super Blueberry pie.” 

“Dear God, it gets worse.” Banner sighed, “I wonder what the Justice League will make of this.”

 

*****

 

Metropolis.

 

Lex frowned at the reviews on the internet, his sharp eyes narrowing, “This has to be rigged, it can’t possibly be true.”

“What can’t?” Barry asked, appearing behind him out of nowhere, he was staying with Lex and Clark until Lex had located him a suitable place to live. This was taking a while as he and Barry had very different ideas on what constituted as liveable or excessive. 

“These stupid Haagan Dazs ice creams.” Lex said, all but spitting at the screen, “No way could Dark chocolate knight, beat salted caramel dragon!”

 

*****

Gotham 

 

“I am a figure of fear, of respect, of justice for the innocent, how can what I do, what I have dedicated my life to, be turned into a name for a flavour of ice cream?” 

Alfred merely sucked in a deep breath and continued to sort through the dry cleaning, letting Bruce rant without commenting. He had a headache from the boys fighting earlier, they were all jealous that only the Robin had been chosen as a name for a flavour, not Nightwing, Red Hood, or Red Robin.

Jason, Tim, and Dick had gone off to contact Haagan Dazs with suggestions of flavours for their own characters, Tim’s of course being coffee, Jason muttering something about peanut butter with a strawberry red cover for a hood, and Dick naming his chocolate mallow wings, insisting on marsh mallows being in his. 

 

*****

 

Brooklyn Heights

 

Superman made a humming noise as he spooned the Super Blueberry pie ice cream into his mouth, “It’s pretty good.” He said.

“Not bad.” Wonder Woman agreed, as she sampled the Coconut Wonder, “Shall we take some for the others to try?”

“Why not?” Clark said, “Lex will be delighted by this.”


	22. Chapter 22

Clark had scoured the Oceans looking for Arthur, he’d been all over the world trying to find the Atlantian but so far he hadn’t caught a single glimpse of him. Clearly the man was trying to stay hidden, not wanting to be found, something that Victor Stone had in common with him. 

Lex and Diana had been prepared to go and make first contact with him when Lex’s systems had suddenly been hacked and Victor had warned them away, saying he didn’t want to be contacted by them and just wanted to be left alone. 

Diana had tried to reason with him, but Victor had cut the connection and try as he might Lex couldn’t hack the Cyborg, and neither could Tony, when Lex had him and Jarvis attempt it from Tony’s hospital bed. 

The Omega was doing well, he hadn’t suffered anymore bleeds which was encouraging, his blood pressure was good, his blood sugars and iron were balanced so he wasn’t showing signs of GD or anaemia, he was also steadily gaining weight, the triplets having a growth spurt that had his abdomen completely popping and a full baby bump forming. 

Tony had complained about losing any traces of a waistline and the added pounds weeks of inactivity had added, while Lex had cooed over the growing bump, spending hours talking to the babies on a whole variety of subjects, from fairy tales, to particle physics!

“Aren’t they a little young to be learning about that?” he had asked frowning at Lex who was curled up on the hospital bed, his head on Tony’s thighs as he spoke to the growing bump. 

“No, they’re going to be geniuses.” Lex replied, “We might as well give them a head start in science.” 

“We should also teach them military strategy, philosophy, and world History.” Tony said, as he worked on his tablet, “After all, they’re going to need a back ground in all those things when they start of world domination.”

“World domination?” Clark’s eyebrows were in his hairline now. Both Lex and Tony gave him an exasperated look, as if he were being deliberately slow on the uptake. 

“These babies are a cross between Luthor and Stark genius. What else will they be but the worlds future overlords?” 

Clark opened his mouth, then closed it and shrugged. He supposed the world could do worse when it came to its leaders. 

Another piece of good news, was that if Tony’s condition remained stable, then the Doctors were going to release him from hospital in time for the wedding which was now only just over two weeks away. 

Everything was ready, the band was booked, the cake was selected and order, the menu was done, the suits were bought and hanging in the closets, the flowers were arranged, and all of the guests had RSVP’d. 

Both Lex and Clark were in a state of nervous excitement. Excited for their big day to finally be arriving, thrilled that Tony was going to be at the Wedding which had been in doubt since his hospital admittance, but also nervous about something going wrong. 

They were both sensible enough to know that something might go wrong, but they were hoping it would be something trivial and easily fixed like a button falling off a jacket. What they were really worried about was some kind of supervillain attack. Their Superhero identities might be secret, but Lex was still a celebrity and just because no one knew that he was Dragonfly hadn’t stopped Joker attacking the rehearsal party. 

The fact that Joker and Harley had escaped Arkham “Again” didn’t ease their worries at all, but it seemed that the pair were staying quiet for now, hiding out somewhere in Gotham and keeping their heads down for the time being. 

What neither Clark of Lex could have expected, was that the attack they had feared, would happen the day that Tony was released from hospital, and that it wouldn’t be a supervillain attack, so much as the mutated projects of some over ambitious marine scientists escaping from the lab and going on a rampage through New York as they tried to return to the Ocean via the Hudson. 

 

*****

 

They had literally just gotten Tony back into the penthouse when the sound of screaming had reached Clark’s ears, and seconds later the ground had shaken and Jarvis’ alarms had being to blare. 

“Oh hells bells, now what?” Tony grumbled, “Can’t a pregnant Omega be given one day of peace to enjoy escaping captivity?” 

Lex shot him an unimpressed look, “You were in hospital not Alcatraz.”

“I was still held against my will.” Tony sniffed. 

“What is happening, Jarvis?” Steve asked the AI, getting to his feet with a battle ready expression on his face. 

“It seems some giant sea creatures have escaped a lab and are rampaging through the City.” Jarvis replied sounding mildly amused by the notion of this, “Indeed, a giant Seahorse has managed to reach the Hudson and it swimming down the river as we speak.”

“Giant Sea monsters?” Clint asked, “What the fuck? Oh God tell me we’re not going to have to deal with Ill tempered mutated seabass, or frickin’ sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.”

Natasha glared at him, “You’ve seen those movies way too many times.”

“Enough chatter.” Steve said, all Captain America and business mode now, “Everyone suit up and be ready to go in five minutes.” He looked over to Clark and Lex,

“We’ll meet you there.” Lex said jumping up into Clark’s arms and was carried away at super speed to go and change into his suit. 

“Tony, will you be alright here on your own?” Steve checked with the Omega who rolled his eyes.

“I think I can cope, Cap, and besides, I’m not alone, I have Jarvis, and I’m going to be remote piloting the suit.” Tony replied heading back into the lift, “Lab please J and don’t spare the horses.”

 

*****

 

The Avengers were on scene within seven minutes, Lex and Clark joining them half a minute later with a suited up Barry, and Diana, Bruce, and the Bat family reaching them two minutes after that via the Bat Jet. 

“Tell me that’s not a giant octopus I am seeing.” Barry said pointing at the tentacled monster that had wrapped itself about a sky scrapper and was in the process of crushing it. “Have I mentioned I have a problem with multi-legged things?” 

“If you did I wasn’t listening.” Lex shot back staring at what seemed to be a giant squid, his lips pulling back in a sneer of disgust as it sprayed ink all over the street. 

More worrying were the Giant Crabs and Giant lobster that were attacking people, their huge pinchers slicing through cars and trucks with the ease of knives through butter. 

“Holy crap giant sea creatures, this is awesome!” a voice came from a building besides the team, everyone turned and saw Spider Man hanging by a thread, his eye slits wide.

“Peter Parker, that the hell are you doing here?” Tony demanded via the Iron Man suit he was remote piloting.

“I had a free period and thought I’d help out.” Spiderman replied swinging down onto the street, “So what are we doing?” 

“Containing these things.” Steve said authority radiating in his voice, “Super Man, Thor, Iron Man, take to the skies, try and distract that Octopus and get it off the building, preferably without doing anymore structural damage. Hawkeye, Nightwing, you’ve got long range weapons, get up high and disable the squid, Red Hood, you’ve got guns, assist them, don’t waste your ammo on the crabs or lobster I doubt you’ll pierce the shell as it looks pretty thick. Red Robin, Robin, Flash, Spiderman, I want you four on rescue, get in, get civilians out, it might sound like a dull job but it is a very necessary one and will save lives. Wonder Woman, Widow, Dragonfly, Batman, we’re tackling the Crabs and Hulk, that Lobster is all yours?”

There were no arguments and soon everyone was moving into position. 

Iron Man blasted the octopus making the creature shriek and lash out with one of it’s tentacles, it’s menacing eye glaring at him with malicious intent removing any guilt anyone might have had about having to kill these things. 

“Thou shalt face the wrath of might Thor!” Thor bellowed bringing his hammer down on the creatures skull, it sunk into the jelly like skin and bounced back, two tentacles wrapping about Thor in an effort to crush him but Clark’s heat vision had it shrieking and letting go of the God. 

“I have so been put of sushi for life.” Tony complained, “But still, I’m trying to figure out why anyone would do this, I mean why make giant sea creatures?” He blasted at a limb concentrating his beam and managed to damage it enough that it became useless to the creature which lashed out at him hitting the suit and tossing it violently across the street and into the opposite building. 

“You shall pay for that!” Thor roared hitting at it again with his hammer while Clark began to wrestle with two of the limbs. 

 

Meanwhile Hulk was roaring as he and the Lobster bounced down the street, the Lobster had it’s pinchers wrapped about him and was tearing up the ground with it’s legs as Hulk thrashed in it’s hold, pounding on it for all he was worth. 

 

Having been deposited on rooftops, Hawkeye, Nightwing, and Red Hood took aim, firing down on the squid, targeting the limbs to cripple it. The creature roared in fury lashing out at them and spraying ink into the air which Dick narrowly avoided getting a face full. 

“Okay this thing is gross and we need to shove a cork or something into it.”

“I vote we use a grenade.” Jason called out.

“You always vote for a grenade or some type of explosive.” Dick scoffed.

“Some of my arrows explode.” Clint said, “Let me see if I can get the head. You two distract it, concentrate on the limbs while I do this.”

“Oh sure, we do the hard work and you get the praise.” Jason grumbled shooting at the limbs all the same, while Hawkeye lined up the shot. 

 

Steve, Bruce, Diana, Lex, and Natasha were tackling the three giant crabs. Nat’s widow bites were proving effective, the electric shocks managing to crack the shells slightly so the others could pierce the flesh beneath with their weapons. 

“Think this is payback?” Lex asked, firing darts into one of the crabs sides.

“What?” Bruce asked shooting his grapple at the back of another and lifting himself up to ride on it’s back where he began to rain down blows with his batarangs. 

“For eating so many crab cakes.” Lex replied, “Maybe this is karma getting even.”

“Maybe you should think less.” Diana said leaped up onto the crabs back to join Bruce in beating it down, while Steve concentrated on taking out it’s pinchers with his shield. 

There came an explosion and three whoops as the Squid exploded showering the street in ink, blood, and squid parts.

“Oh God that’s disgusting.” Barry cried in revulsion, as he herded a group of civilians away from the octopus ravaged tower. 

By now Clark had broken two of the limbs and was working on a third while Thor and Tony worked on two more. 

Having done with the Squid, Hawkeye, Red Hood, and Nightwing turned their attention to the octopus raining fire down into it’s head, managing to damage it enough for Clark to get a shot in with his heat vision frying the things brains. It fell back off the building and landed with a wet splat on the ink soaked street just as Hulk crushed the Lobster and went charging off to tackle one of the crabs that was escaping. 

A second later Cyborg landed in the street and began to fire on the third crab, just as a huge wave shot across the Hudson and Arthur appeared riding on the giant Seahorses back. Of all of them the Sea Horse was the most placid, not seeming interested in doing anything but swimming and calmly let Arthur disembark from it’s back. 

“Looks like you need a hand.” He said and charged at the Crab Cyborg was tackling, striking it with his trident. 

Having defeated the Octopus, the others joined in bringing down the crabs and getting Civilians to safety, then all the teams gathered to survey the damage and catch their breath before they began clean up duty. 

“It’s good to see you.” Diana said to Victor who looked uncomfortable at being out in the open.

“I saw what was happening and figured I could help.” He said shifting nervously.

“We’re grateful that you did.” Lex told him, “These things packed a punch.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I think the Chitauri were worse.” Tony said as the suit sat perched on Hulk’s shoulder, the behemoth allowing this without so much as a grunt of complaint. 

“What are we going to do about that?” Damian asked pointing to the seahorse which was swimming laps about the river.

“I’ll take care of him.” Arthur said, “There’s plenty of space in the ocean, he’ll be happy enough.” 

“I’ve been looking for you.” Clark said, “I wanted to ask you to join our team. I think we’ve proven how well we work together, twice now.”

Arthur looked at him, then at the rest of the teams, his gaze lingering on Natasha and Diana the longest and becoming appreciative. 

“So long as you all ain’t getting’ into my business.” He said, “And I ain’t doin’ no stupid bonding activities and shit, I’ve got a life.”

“Doing what exactly, fucking dolphins?” Lex sneered still pissed off at being called a fruit fly.

Arthur smirked at him, “Hey Supes, I think you’re girlfriend’s got PMS!”

“Girlfriend! Listen here you barnacle brained asshole…” Lex began before Bruce clamped a hand over his mouth shutting him up.

“We’ll respect your privacy Mr Curry.” He said, “We were looking to do a team meeting once a month, I have a secure location we can use. If you’ll meet us at Gotham Harbour next week, on Thursday night at nine pm we can discuss things in more detail then.”

Arthur regarded him and shrugged, “Cool.” With that he turned and headed back to the Hudson and the Seahorse, the two of them taking off into the sea with a spray of foam.

“I already hate him.” Lex said as soon as his mouth was free. He then pointed to Victor, “We are going to talk tech.” He said, “I wanna know everything about what you can do and how to make my servers impregnable.”

“You can count me in on that too.” Tony said, “Not even Jarvis could hack you.”

“No, but we had an informative discussion, Sir.” Jarvis said, “Mr Stone is a very interesting young man and I look forward to future conversations.” 

Tony gasped and held his arc reactor, “You’ve stolen my AI’s love, how could you do that to me?” 

Victor looked equal parts perplexed and amused. Steve cleared his throat hating to break up the party but knowing they needed to get on with clean up. 

“Let’s get all this sorted and then we can talk at our leisure.” He said ignoring the groans and catcalls, “C’mon people, the sooner we’re done, the sooner we can all go and chill.” 

Grumbling the rest of them followed and began to arduous job of cleaning up the remains of giant sea monsters from the street.


	23. Chapter 23

“Ouch!” Tony glared at his tailor as a pin stuck in his skin, “How much longer am I going have to stand here playing voodoo doll for your sadistic pleasure?” 

“Not much longer, Mr Stark.” The tailor replied, very used to Tony grumbling about pins and having to stand around for fittings, his pregnancy hormones were just making that worse than normal. 

“You said that an hour ago.” Tony groused, he was still smarting over his waist measurement, 39 inches! That just wasn’t fair and he wasn’t even half way through this pregnancy yet.

“An elasticated waist band would probably be the most practical.” The tailor said around a mouthful of pins as he worked, “It is impossible to predict how much bigger you’ll be by the wedding day.”

Tony’s glower turned several shades darker at that remark. “It is a wedding, I am not wearing stretchy pants to Lex Luthor’s wedding, if I have to I’ll hold my breath all day.” He had left getting his suit fitted until the last minute because of the pregnancy, but with the speed the triplets were growing at, making a reasonable prediction on his size was practically impossible.”

“What I can do is put some discreet laces at the sides of the trousers. Like a corset if you will, and you can simply loosen or tighten the trousers to fit comfortably.” The Tailor said standing up and rubbing at his aching back. He was not a young man and spending his days bent over to take measurements did nothing for his back. “I can probably give you an extra three inches to work with.”

“Three inches, I am not going to have a 42 inch waist in a few weeks!” Tony cried, actually alarmed at the prospect. 

“Don’t be so sure.” The tailor chuckled, “When my wife was having our twins she had a 48 inch waist by the end.”

Tony’s eyes widened and he found himself unable to do anything but meep in dread over what he was facing. 

“Let’s see to the shirt, I think a fitted bust so you have some additional support there, and a free flowing waist will be best.” The tailor said, “And I have an idea for the suit jacket too. High waisted so it can be fitted and comfortable. You don’t want a cummerbund or waist coat do you?” 

“Decidedly not.” Tony grumbled spreading his arms so the tailor could do the fittings, and mentally planned to phone Lex as soon as he could so he could curse him out for doing this to Tony and make him suffer in kind. If there was any justice in the universe, and Tony doubted that there was, not when he had to see an actual God wandering around naked in his Tower on a regular basis, lived with super soldier who wore shirts that were so tight they should be illegal, but if there was justice, then Lex would suffer a sympathetic pregnancy and go through all of this with him. 

 

*****

 

Metropolis.

 

Lex generally lived in couture. To see him in anything other than thousands of dollars worth of designer clothing was a very rare thing indeed, however, this was precisely the sight that greeted Clark when he came home. 

Instead of his usual silk shirt and tailored suit trousers, Lex was in a pair of faded jeans, one of Clark’s old t-shirts, and had a knotted scarf tied over his head. 

He was also not tapping away on his lap top, or snarling at someone on the phone, he was in fact up a ladder painting the ceiling of what was to be the nursery. 

They had decided that the babies could share one room at first and then have their own rooms when they were older. 

Squares of pain were put on the bare walls so they could see which was best, and sheets of plastic were thrown down onto the floor to protect it from spilled paint. 

“Choose one.” Lex said without turning around, having obviously heard Clark come in. 

“I’m sorry?”

“The paint. Choose a colour.” 

“Oh, right.” Frowning, Clark went over to the test colours. Lex had stayed away from the pink and blue, having chosen a pale mint green, a silver/green that looked rather like jade, a pale lilac, a violet, a sunshine yellow, and a pale lemon yellow.

“I like the violet.” Clark said, “It makes me think of the sky at sunset.” 

“Uh huh.” Lex replied, stretching to reach a corner.

“I could do that.” Clark offered, taking off his jacket, however Lex turned around and gave him a disbelieving look. 

“The last time you tried painting there was more paint on you than on the walls.” 

“The paint pot fell!” Clark protested.

“And I don’t want a repeat of that.” Lex said straightening up and descending the ladder, “That’s the ceiling done at least. I’ll get the violet paint tomorrow and get started on the walls, and then we can bring the furniture in.”

“Hmm, it’s really happening.” Clark said wrapping his arms about Lex, “We’re having babies.”

“You only just realized that?” Lex drawled, an eyebrow rising in amusement.

“I might be a little slow on some things.” Clark joked, “You know, Lois asked me something today that got me thinking. Are we going to have a baby shower?” 

Lex blinked a little taken aback, “I hadn’t even thought about it, to be honest.” He said, “With the wedding and everything… I think we should probably wait until after the wedding before we start planning another celebration, and we should talk to Tony about it first, he might not want to do it, not when he won’t be keeping the babies.”

“True.” Clark said, “I hadn’t considered that.” He let go of Lex and followed the smaller man into their kitchen where Lex got a bottle of water for himself and a soda for Clark from the fridge.

“Are you worried about it?” He asked as Lex hopped up and sat on the kitchen counter, swinging his legs back and forth. “About Tony giving the babies up.”

“Aren’t you?” Lex countered, sipping his water, “It’s not an easy thing to do, he’s going to go through a hell of a trauma. It’s going to hurt him, not just physically, but emotionally. I mean He’s not made of stone, he’s going to feel the loss of the babies, will mourn them, it’s only natural.”

“Well maybe we can do something to help with that.” Clark suggested, leaning against the counter, “Maybe he can stay here with us after the birth, help with the babies and…”

“No.” Lex said cutting Clark off, “That will just make the separation harder in the long run. That’s why it’s recommended there is no contact for a while. If he’s here, if he’s nursing them and in constant contact with them, then he won’t be able to let go, he’ll be bonded with them too deeply to do so.”

“So what do we do?” Clark asked helplessly.

“Nothing.” Lex replied, “There’s nothing we can do. Which is what sucks.” He sighed heavily and swung his legs right out, “At least he won’t alone. He’ll have the Avengers and Bruce to support him.” He smiled, “Maybe he and Bruce will have a kid of their own.”

Clark’s eyebrows rose, “Bruce Wayne with a new born?” Somehow he couldn’t imagine the brooding, belligerent, Dark Knight singing lullabies to an infant. 

“He’s already a Father of four delinquent brats, one of which he did actually produce himself.” Lex said making Clark cringe at the thought of the production, Talia Al Ghul was not his type to say the least. She reminded him too much of Lex’s malicious ex-girlfriends/wives. Victoria, Desiree, Helen.

“Clark you are denting the counter.” Lex said bringing Clark out of his dark thoughts of Lex’s past women and he realized he had been squeezing the kitchen counter and had left dents in it. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled sheepishly, “I was just thinking about those bitches who got their claws into you before me.”

Lex grinned and wrapped a leg about Clark’s hip, tugging him closer with his foot. “Are you jealous of those harpies?” He asked, “You needn’t be, they have nothing on you.” He said walking his fingers up Clark’s chest to undo his shirt, “But I like the Cave Man growl you do, so feel free to mark your territory!”

Clark waisted no time in lifting Lex over his shoulder caveman style and carting him off to their bedroom where he tossed him down onto the bed and ripped his shirt off leaping onto the bed and straddled Lex. 

“Me Clark, You Lex, means Sex!” He grunted in a mockery of cave man speak that had Lex sputtering with laughter and he certainly didn’t protest as Clark flipped him over and stripped him bare, instead he reached out and gripped the beams of the headboard, let out a lewd moan as Clark began to work him open, taking his time and making Lex whine and squirm before he finally deemed him ready and put his cock where Lex wanted it.

“You’re mine.” Clark said thrusting deeply inside Lex’s body, gripping his hips almost painfully tight, “You’ll never think of anyone but me, want anyone but me, because no one else can do you like this, fill you like this, pin you down like this.” To prove his point he lay himself over Lex’s back pushing Lex’s torso down and pinning him to the bed where he mewled and cried out, bucking his hips and letting loose a stream of profanity, trying to squirm free but was completely at Clark’s mercy, could do nothing but lay there and take it, even as Clark’s teeth sank into his neck, leaving a bite mark livid on his skin.

“Fucking vampire.” 

“Only for you baby.” Clark purred running his tongue over the abused flesh, “Only for you.” 

When Barry came home a few hours later he heard the sounds coming from the bedroom and quickly grabbed some left over take out from the fridge and scurried to his own room, shoving his earphones in and turning his music on really loud, not wanting to hear anything else, or risk running into a naked Lex or Clark if he could help it. 

 

*****

 

Gotham.

 

“So have you banged him yet?” 

Bruce sighed and resisted pinching the bridge of his nose, only because the cowl prevented him from doing so. This was not a conversation he needed to have when he was crouched on the side of a rooftop observing an alley that was notorious for rapes, the perpetrator having gone unpunished for far too long thanks to the police’s incompetence. 

“I am not dignifying that with an answer, Jason, and stop using the coms for anything but official business.”

“That means he hasn’t.” Tim helpfully said slurping something probably highly caffeinated. 

“Maybe his age is getting to him.” Jason snickered.

“I’ll get to you if you don’t shut it.” Bruce growled. 

“Why do you want to know if Father has fucked Stark?” Damian asked sounding disgusted, “Such things are private and disgusting.” Ah, he was still at that age where the thought of sex was gross, his hormones not having activated his sex drive yet. Bruce wasn’t sure if he should be grateful for that or not, because Damian was enough of a nightmare now without puberty kicking in. 

“He hasn’t, you can tell by his temper.” Dick offered, nearly making Bruce fall off the rooftop when he appeared silently and grinned at having made the Bat jump. 

“The only reason my temper is bad is because I put up with you four meddlesome brats.” He snarled, “Get off the damn coms, where is Alfred, put Alfred on.”

“He’s doing Car maintenance,” Tim said continuing to slurp his drink. “You’re going to be staying with Tony for Lex’s Stag night aren’t you?”

“Yes.” Bruce gritted out. Lex was staying with Tony for a night of pampering while Oliver Queen took Clark on a crawl about all of Metropolis’s strip clubs in an effort to get him drunk, which meant Clark would be carrying him home when he passed out. 

“Well, that’s the perfect opportunity to seduce him.” Tim said, “Candle light, romantic music, turn on the charm, and you’ll be waking up in his bed, I guarantee it.”

“Tim…”

“How the fuck would you know, you fucking virgin?” Jason cried. 

“Fuck you, cock head. All you’ve ever had was seven minutes in a back alley from twenty dollar hooker!” Tim snarled back.

“More like a ten dollar.” Damian snickered throwing kerosene on the fire. 

“Fuck the pair of you, I don’t pay for sex!” Jason bellowed making Bruce wince as it was his ear drums being abused. 

“Shut it the lot of you.” He hissed at them, “Damian got to bed, it’s late, Tim stop drinking caffeine, and Jason, get off the coms.” He received a further barrage of abuse before their was blessed silence at which point Dick patted his shoulder consolingly. 

“Much easier when I was an only child, wasn’t it?” 

“What, with you being kidnapped every week?” Bruce snarked back, “Every grey hair I have, you had a hand in creating!” 

“Just as you did with mine, Sir.” Alfred said coming onto the Coms, making Bruce sigh. Really, was there anyone on the earth that he didn’t get shit from?


	24. Chapter 24

Avenger Tower.

 

The common room had been set up in the style of a spa, with massage tables, manicure and pedicure bowls, hot stones to be placed on the back, and warm towels to open the pores on the face for the face packs. 

“I feel like I’ve just stepped into some woman’s magazine.” Clint complained poking through the selection of face packs, “What the hell do all these things do anyway?”

“They moisturize the skin, draw out the toxins, and leave us with smoother, clearer skin.” Natasha informed him slapping his hand away, “And what, may I ask is wrong with women’s magazines?” Her voice held that dangerous tone that suggested pain would be in Clint’s near future if he did not make a hasty retreat. Having just enough self preservation he offered Natasha a smile and backed away, grabbing Steve by the shirt as he went, jerking the super soldier so hard that he nearly spilled his orange juice. 

“What the hell?” Steve cried.

“Escape while you have the chance.” Clint said, “Or risk a fate worse than death!” Steve stared at him blankly and glanced at the spa set, “Manicures.” Clint shuddered as if this were the same as having his nails torn off! 

“Oh, hey Cap, are you joining us?” Tony asked, waddling, Yes, he was now officially waddling, the pups not slowing their growth down at all and pressing hard onto his pelvis forcing him to widen his gait and, as Clint tactlessly said, waddle like a duck. 

“Umm.” Steve looked at the spa and felt Clint’s fingers dig into his arm, “I…”

“We have another engagement.” Clint said, “Steve wants me to teach him to shoot.”

“I do?” 

“You do.” 

Steve sighed and shrugged deciding it was easier just to agree with Clint and once again was yanked along, Sam being caught by the elbow just as he was about to walk through the door. 

“Don’t ask just go with it.” Steve said as a bewildered Sam was made to walk backwards. 

“Pussies!” Tony yelled after them, “Honestly, they act like a bit of pampering was a form of torture.” 

“Indeed, I’m looking forward to getting a hot stone massage.” Natasha said, stretching like a lazy cat getting up from a nap, “I believe Banner is going to join us too.”

“Brucie Bear will benefit from a good rub down, in all forms.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows and Natasha snorted,

“Behave yourself, Stark.” She warned him, “Just because you are pupped doesn’t mean you can’t be put over my knee.”

“Ohhh do you promise!” Natasha rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

 

*****

Metropolis.

 

“So, you know all the important numbers in case you need bail money, a flight back into this country, or saving from Columbian drug lords?” 

The most amusing or rather sad thing was that Lex was completely serious when he said this to Clark. Not that it made a difference to Oliver who snorted loudly.

“Everything will be fine.” Clark attempted to assure Lex, “We’re just going to a few clubs, nothing excessive.”

Lex glared at Oliver before looking back to Clark, “There is your version of excessive and then there is Queen’s, they are two very different things, and I trust that moron about as much as I’d trust a hungry piranha with my bollocks.” 

“Hey!” Oliver protested, “I resent that.”

“I couldn’t give a fuck.” Lex said, “What I do give a fuck about is Clark ending up on the front covers of the fucking Inquisitor, stark naked and chained to a damn lap post with half a dozen naked lap dancers chained to him!” As he spoke he advanced on Oliver and jammed his finger into Oliver’s chest making the younger Billionaire back up slightly. He looked over Lex’s shoulder to Clark who shrugged helplessly,

“Okay, but what is your stance on naked pole dancers in a fountain?” And yes Oliver Queen did have a death wish, fortunately for him Clark was able to grab Lex about the waist before he could strangle Oliver or beat him to death, or anything he would have likely done had Clark not intervened. 

“I’ll kill him, I’ll shoot him with his own damn arrows!” Lex growled glaring after Oliver as he made his way to the balcony to await Thor’s arrival. The Asgardian was keen to join in with a traditional human celebration such as a stag night, he was also bringing some Asgardian mead and while human alcohol had no effect on Clark there was no telling what Asgardian liquor might have, hence Lex’s concerns over what an inebriated Oliver might get Clark into.

“Everything will be fine.” Clark said, “We’ll have a few drinks, break some toes on a dance floor, Oliver will throw up in a gutter and then we’ll carry him home and order pizza.” 

“Just leave him to sleep it off in the gutter.” Lex grumbled, “With any luck someone will mistake him for an escaped crackhead and dump his sorry ass in rehab for the next decade.” 

“Hey, I’d never be mistaken for a crack head, asshole, a coke head yes, but not crack!”

“Stop listening to private conversations you ill mannered cock rag!” 

“Jesus, do you have PMS or something?” 

“Oliver, shut up.” Clark yelled at him sighing heavily, “Lex, go and enjoy your pampering and talk to our babies about particle physics or something.”

“Duh that was last week, we’re onto special anomalies and quantum singularities.” 

Thor dropped down onto the balcony with a thump, a barrel of ale tucked under one beefy arm, “Well met friend Kal.” He boomed, “We shall have a merry night with much drink and fair forms to behold!” Clark groaned and he heard Lex growl behind him, if he survived this stag night it’d be a miracle.

 

*****

Stark Tower.

 

As Tony couldn’t drink those attending Lex’s stag party were going forego alcohol for the occasion and instead enjoy a fruity cocktail of freshy squeeze orange juice, pineapple juice, passionfruit juice, and coconut milk which created a very tasty drink that was not too sweet. 

“I swear, there is nothing like a good massage to relieve all your tension.” Lex murmured as a masseur worked on the knots in his back. 

“What tension do you have?” Bruce asked, his hands in separate bowls getting the skin about his fingers softened ready for his manicure. “Try living with four unruly brats who are constantly at war with one another.” He rolled his eyes, “The house is a battle field and they don’t care who get’s caught in the crossfire.”

“They must make you so proud.” Natasha teased from where she was getting a pedicure. 

“They make me something.” Bruce said, “Senile, prematurely aged, and permanently exhausted.”

“Lively lads.” Banner said with cucumber over his eyes and a refreshing smelling face pack smeared over his face. “You’ll have that to look forward too.” He said to Lex.

“Nope, mine will be little angels.” Lex said apparently living in complete denial.

“I somehow doubt that.” Tony commented from his position on a massage table, he was on his side rather than his front and having a pregnancy massage that was doing wonders for his aching back and pelvis. “Hey honey, do you want a permanent job here?” He asked his Masseur, “I’ll double your salary and you’ll get the perks of seeing an Asgardian naked every so often, plus Captain America all sweaty from his morning runs.”

The Masseur scoffed, “A tempting offer, Mr Stark but I think not.”

“Stop trying to hire people without my permission, Tony, you know it never ends well.” This came from Pepper who was also enjoying a facial and a head massage.

“You are not the boss of me, Miss Potts.” Tony said pointing at her.

“I am and you know it.” 

“Why are you such a bitch to me, I swear I would never have given you power if I had known it would turn you into such a tyrant.” A slice of cucumber bounced off Tony’s face, “Throwing things now? And you accuse me of being immature.”

“Be thankful I don’t have my shoes to hand.” Pepper warned him.

“Tyrant, don’t you think, Diana?” Tony lifted his head to look at Diana who was face down on a massage bed having her shoulders worked on.

“This is between you and Virginia.” Diana replied, “I am staying out of it.” 

“Thank you for not encouraging him.” Pepper said.

“You are welcome.”

“Women!” Tony cried in exasperation, “Why can’t I get sympathy here? Lex, be sympathetic, you’ve knocked me up you have to be sympathetic to me, Bruce, you’re on my side too aren’t you, and Banner? Science Bros before hot Hoes right?” 

“I’m not dignifying that with an answer.” Banner said.

“And Natasha is close enough to break something.” Bruce observed.

“That too.” 

“Coward.” 

“So, what is Clark getting up to, tonight?” Bruce asked looking over to Lex as his nails were filed and buffed.

“God knows, knowing Queen he’ll end up being arrested for indecent exposure and I’ll get a phone call at three am asking me to come and bail him out and bring him pants!”

“Hmm a naked Clark Kent, there are worse sights to behold.” Pepper purred.

“Have I mentioned I feel like a beached whale and my ego needs stroking?” Tony whined.

“You don’t look like a beached whale.” Banner said, “More like a slightly chubby seal.” 

“Asshole, see if I make you anymore pants that stretch to fit Hulk.” Tony squawked as the rest of the room burst into laughter at his expense, “I hate everyone.” He complained, “Jarvis, make a note of this treachery.”

“Noted Sir.” 

“If it makes you feel any better you do make a very cute seal.” Bruce offered receiving a glower.

“Thin ice Wayne, very thin ice.”

****

 

Metropolis.

 

To escape the Tower, Steve, Clint, and Sam had joined Clark’s party which was currently in a deafeningly loud club complete with cage dancers in very small and tight strips of leather and a constant stream of tequila shots and beer, to which Thor continued to add shots of Asgardian liquor to his, Clark’s and Steve’s drinks so they could enjoy the buzz with their human friends. 

“We need food.” Clint shouted over the noise of the music, “Hot wings, I want something spicy and bad for me.”

“Pizza!” Barry piped up having come with the group. 

“Sure, lets finish this round and go get some food.” Oliver said, “Then I know a place that serves cocktails in bowls big enough to swim in and the waitresses are wearing nothing but bikini’s, very small bikini’s.”

“Aye!” Thor roared gulping back his beer in a few swallows, unlike Steve and Clark who were already feeling giddy he didn’t seem that effected, yet. 

Laughing and energetic the group left the club and headed for nearest fast food joint they could find, ordering the entire menu since Barry, Thor, Clark, and Steve had impossible metabolisms. As they crowded around tables Clint and Oliver began to share bawdy stories from their past that got increasingly inappropriate as they went along.

“So there I am, wearing nothing but a bright green thong, a dozen cop cars around me a rent boy under one arm and a couple of strippers at our side!” Oliver cried falling over the table he was sat cross legged on, laughing uproariously.

“And what happened to your car?” Sam asked.

“Fucked if I know, it’s still at the bottom of the Seine I think!” 

“It was a fucking Lexus man!” Clint cried in mourning for the car, “How could drown a Lexus?” 

“How could end up causing an international incident when all you were supposed to be doing was protection detail?” Steve asked him, his voice a little too loud and his head feeling oddly light.

“Easy Cap, I fucked the ambassadors daughter in the state banquet hall and had to jump off the balcony without my pants on, sadly that meant I landed on the table that was set up in the garden below and nearly gave his wife a heart attack, and then had to run through the gardens half naked to get away.”

“Yeah, but did you have to steal the ambassadors limo as your get away vehicle?” Sam asked.

“Totally, it was bullet proof!” 

“You know Lex was worried that something might go wrong tonight.” Clark confided to Steve.

“Really? I can’t imagine why he’d have that idea.” The super soldier and Krytonian pretended not to see Oliver and Clint starting a contest on who could hit the centre of the sign on the window with balled up napkins dunked in soda. 

“Well, at least the food is soaking up the ale.” Steve offered feeling a little less giddy, “And I’m sure Thor couldn’t have that much on him.”

“Wrong my Friend.” Thor declared, “I have a dozen hip flasks and friend Barry has offered to run and fill them whenever they get dry, have no fear, we shall not thirst this night.”

“Great.” Clark said meekly and took another slice of pizza hoping that the food would help soak up the booze and that he wouldn’t do anything too stupid if he did get drunk. 

 

*****

 

Twelve hours later.

 

Clark awoke with a dry tongue and a disgusting taste in his mouth, a throbbing headache and someones foot pressed into his face. Grunting, he shoved the foot away and sat up, finding himself naked to the waist with PROPERTY OF LEXCORP written over his chest in a sharpie, a bowling ball stuck to his right hand, and sitting in what appeared to be a wooden shack with an alcohol still in one corner, a couple of hippies snoring besides said still, the rest of his party all unconscious, and the butts of some suspicious smelling cigarettes stubbed out on the ground.

“Oh God!”


	25. Chapter 25

Tony awoke feeling a soreness and aching to his body. This was not unusual these days, his back and pelvis were constantly aching and he frequently awoke with a desperate need to piss, having even considered wearing adult nappies since he had accidently wet the bed once when one of the pups had shifted onto his bladder and he’d not been able to get himself out of bed quick enough to stop the flood that had occurred. 

He’d been mortified when it had happened, even though Jarvis had assured him that losing control of the bladder was an unfortunate but common side effect of pregnancy with so much pressure on the bladder from the expanded uterus. 

However, this soreness felt different and the ache was between his legs not his back. He was also very warm, there was a wonderful warmth at his back and arms wrapped around him when he moved, lips pressing against the back of his neck making him squirm and giggle.

“Too early to get up.” Bruce purred sleepily, his arms tightening, “Bats are nocturnal creatures, we sleep during the day.”

Tony chuckled and turned his head so he could kiss Bruce, lingering over the press of their lips wanting the moment to last, but the pressure on his bladder was increasing way too much to ignore. 

“Sorry babe.” He said, “But I have to go to the bathroom.” Bruce made an unhappy noise then released Tony, turning so he could lay on his back while Tony hauled himself out of bed, an act that was growing more and more difficult the bigger he grew and it wasn’t help by the fact he paused to pull the sheet from under the duvet and wrap it around himself. 

“What are you doing?” Bruce asked with a snort of laughter, as Tony wrapped the sheet about himself toga style. 

“I don’t want you seeing my stretch marks, huge ass and hips.” Tony replied as if this made sense. 

“Well that’s pretty pointless,” Bruce said stretching out with his arms behind his head, “Since I saw all of them last night and very much like your ass especially now it’s so plump and ripe.” 

Tony snorted at that, “You always were an ass man.” He decided to take a chance on this and dropped the sheet as he reached the bathroom door earning himself a wolf whistle as the result that had him grinned as he made his way to toilet. 

His smile remained as he washed his hands and took a moment to brush his teeth so he’d at least have fresh breath when he returned to Bruce’s side. “So much for taking things slow.” He murmured recollecting the night before. 

After the spa treatments they’d enjoyed a fine dinner, Lex had exquisite if expensive tastes and no one had been complaining. They’d then settled down to watch Lord of the Rings, until about midnight when people began to drift to bed, leaving just Tony and Bruce in the common room, they’d started talking quietly and barely noticed that they’d been left alone, at least until the kissing had started.   
From there they hadn’t been able to stop, stumbling into his bedroom, pulling off each others clothing and falling onto the bed. 

It had been with laughter and some fumbling as they wound up together on the sheets, Tony’s bump getting in the way and the need for some shifting of positions for them to find one that worked, no one who saw them in a tangle of limbs and peals of laughter would have thought them the two best playboys in America, they were more like fumbling teenagers unsure of what body part went where. 

But it didn’t matter, the fumbling made it all the more fun, especially since it had been a long time since they had last been together and gave them both time explore the changes in each others bodies, touching and kissing, neither able to get enough of the other nor wanting the teasing foreplay to end too fast. Bruce had been hesitant to enter Tony’s body, worried that he might hurt him or the babies, but Tony had assured him that he wouldn’t providing he was gentle, and gentle he was, so much so that Tony begged him shamelessly to go harder and deeper, wishing he could reach for him but having to cling to the head board inside, his knees quivering as Bruce attacked him from behind, gripping his hips and slapping his backside, making him wait as he set a maddeningly slow pace, taking his time in bringing them both over the edge and into bliss.

Finishing with cleaning himself up, Tony made his way back to the bedroom hopeful that they could continue from the night before only his bedroom door was hammered on and then thrown open as Lex burst in. 

“They’re missing, they’re all missing!” Lex cried, stopping dead as he caught sight of Tony completely naked and Bruce in his bed, just as naked. “Wha… holy shit, are you two… did you two…?” he stammered a smile spreading over his face.

“Lex, what the hell?” Bruce cried, pulling the duvet higher, while Tony fumbled for the blanket to cover what was left of his modesty, although after a life of semi-public sexual encounters and in his more recent history, multiple pelvis examinations, he had very little modesty left. 

Bruce’s voice served to snap Lex out of his momentary trance and he recalled his reason for being in Tony’s bedroom. 

“Clark.” He said, “He’s missing, so is his entire party, no one is answering their phones, or the Penthouse phone.”

Tony and Bruce exchanged a glance, then they were moving, getting clothing and following Lex out of the bedroom to begin a search for Clark and his stag party. 

 

*****

“Wake up, everyone wake up!” Clark shouted, slapping faces and shaking arms and legs to get people awake and searched around for his clothing, not that it seemed to be there, but he was wearing his pants at least, that was something, but he couldn’t get the damn bowling ball of his hand, his fingers were wedged solid inside it. Vaguely he recalled a very drunk and sugar high Barry suggesting that they go bowling after he’d eaten his body weight in candy purchased from a 24hr supermarket, which they’d gone to for sweets after the cocktail bar.

He didn’t remember much of the bowling, beyond Thor trying to use Mjolnir as a baseball bat to hit the balls while a cackling Clint, and Oliver had thrown them at him. Naturally the bowling balls had all shattered on impact and the proprietors had asked (Insisted) they leave. But at some point Clark had got his hand stuck and it was still stuck. 

“Fuck I wanna die.” Clint complained curling up into a ball, 

“What happened?” A pale faced Steve asked blinking owlishly, and was that… yes that was, “I DA CAP!” written over his forehead in sharpie.

“Where are we?” Sam asked and for some reason he had an inflatable duck that was supposed to go about a toddlers waist when swimming, wrapped about his head. 

“Just out’side London Mate.” One of hipies said, in a thick Londoner’s accent, “You guys showed up las’ night when we were leavin’ Soho, nicked a bus and drove us back ‘ere.”

“We what?” Clark whispered feeling his blood draining, Barry staggered outside of the shack, swore loudly and came back inside.

“There’s a double decker bus out there, one of those red ones that drive around London.”

Clark closed his eyes and groaned. 

“I thought that was a pot induced hallucination.” Oliver murmured, massaging his temples, “I guess we really did fly to London.” 

“On a plane?” Clint asked looking unsure, and Clark had a horrible memory of himself and Thor ripping a park bench up and carrying it between them with the others clinging onto it. 

“Hey dude, chill out yeah, we got shit tones more booze and ‘ash.” The second hippie said lighting a spliff, “S’all good.”

“No it’s not good, non of this is good.” Steve said getting to his feet and swaying, “God my head, I haven’t had a hangover in seventy years.”

“I haven’t had one ever.” Clark complained, feeling like his brain wanted roll out of his ears, “Lex is going to kill me.”

“No he isn’t.” Oliver said, “He’ll kill me!” That was much more likely to happen. 

“Does anyone have a phone, or, you know… shoes?” Sam asked looking around, and yeah, they were all bare foot, and shirtless, why had they…. Oh.. Crap. Clark remember then, they’d left their shoes at the bowling alley, and then, after more Asgardian mead, they’d thought the statues in Metropolis’ square had looked cold, so they’d dressed them, in their shirts. 

“Have either of you two got a phone we can use?” Clint asked the hippies who were contentedly smoking, unbothered by their new-found friends concerns. 

“Sure, man, here.” One of them handed over his mobile and flopped down onto his back, “This is good shit.”

“Okay, who do I call?” Clint asked, “Stark?”

“He’s less likely to be murderous.” Oliver said, “And might stop Lex from dismembering me.”

“Fear not, friend Queen, I shall protect you from Master Luthor’s wrath.” Thor declared apparently not suffering a hangover and slapped a hand on Oliver’s shoulder nearly knocking him on the floor, and Clark saw that he had the words, Archery Rocks! Written over his shoulders as did Clint. 

“Uh, hey, Tony.” Clint said, speaking on the phone, “So uh we… kinda need a favour, getting back to New York… well, you know… we’re in England.” He paused and then handed the phone to Clark to tried to take it with his bowling ball hand then took it with his free hand. 

“Hi.”

“CLARK JOSPEH KENT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” 

Clark winced as Lex screamed into his ear, “Well, we somehow ended up in England and umm…,” He paused as he heard the sound of police sirens. Once again Barry went outside of the shack, the opening door revealing the blue flashing lights. 

“Clark?” Lex growled.

“Uh, we might be needing some legal help.” Clark said, “The police have just turned up and we might have stolen a double decker bus.” 

 

***** 

 

New York. 

 

“A double decker bus, a double decker bus!” Lex ranted, “Of all the vehicles in the world, why did they have to steal that?”

“How did they even end up in the UK?” Natasha asked, as calm as ever as she sipped her coffee, Lex on the other hand was throwing on clothes and taking calls from his lawyers and arranging flights back from the UK along with emergency passports for the seven morons.

“Clark and Thor ripped up a park bench and flew them all over there.” Bruce said, “Thankfully it was not recorded by anyone or it’d already be on social media.”

“There is however several photos of Captain America shirtless riding on top of a double decker bus around London.” Tony said, “And another of Thor doing a hand stand on top of the statue of Victoria opposite Buckingham Palace.” He shuddered, “Dear God I hope the Queen wasn’t in residence.” 

“And if that wasn’t enough,” Lex shouted, “The dicks hooked up with a couple of pot heads and have been arrested for possession as well as stealing the damn bus, dangerous driving, and fuck knows what else, and!” He paused his entire body clenching, “Clark has a fucking bowling ball stuck to his fucking hand!”

Natasha blinked, “A bowling ball?” 

“They went bowling.” Banner said, “Thor used Mjolnir on the balls, they were invited to leave after he decimated six of them.”

“They also don’t have shirts, or shoes.” Lex seethed, “But Wilson has a rubber ducky stuck to his head.” Natasha took this in her stride as if it were an everyday occurrence. “And some asshole, probably Queen because he’s a dick, has written Property of Lexcorp over Clark’s chest and some fuckwit has posted that on social media, and it’s trending!”

“Cap has, I DA CAP.” Written on his face.” Tony said, “That’s trending online too.”

The lift pinged and a harried looking Pepper came into the penthouse. 

“Pepper, light of my life, my saviour from… well everything, what’s the word?” Tony greeted her. 

“The word, as you put it, is good.” She replied, “I’ve spoken to our lawyers and they seem confident that, as no property damage, aside from the bowling balls, was done, and no one was hurt, they should get off with cautions and possibly fines. They’ll have to appear before the magistrate but it’s very unlikely that they’ll be charged with anything.”

“You mean other than stupidity.” Natasha said as Lex breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Well, yes.”

“Hey, look on the bright side.” Bruce said patting Lex’s shoulder as he took a seat at the breakfast bar, “At least the worst has happened now, nothing will go wrong on your wedding day.”

Tony groaned and rolled his eyes, “If that jinxes him, it is so your fault.”

 

*****

 

Gotham

 

Joker rolled on his back cackling and aimed a gun at the ceiling, firing it and shooting a picture through the heart. 

Lex’s picture.

“My prince.” Joker purred, “My new Beau.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Joker is a cross between Jared Leto, Heath Ledger, and Joaquin Phoenix. I loved the look that Jared Leto's version had, the metal teeth and such, but I liked the portrayal Heath and Joaquin gave better.

Shame faced, hung over, and contrite, the stag party stood before the magistrate and accepted the dressing down they received and the fine of £500.00 each. 

Lex and Tony split the cost of the fines between them, except for Oliver since he could afford to pay his own way. 

Once that was done, they trooped onto the private jet that Lex and Tony had brought over and headed back to America. 

“Just out of curiosity, how long am I going to be sleeping on the sofa when we get home?” Clark asked a seething Lex. The Billionaire did not bother to give a verbal reply, he merely glared at Clark with eyes that made the Kryptonian think of kryptonite they were so poisonous. 

Yeah, he and the sofa were going to be getting to know each other much better. Well, at least they’d gotten the bowling ball off his hand, that was something.

“In all fairness, it wasn’t that bad.” 

This was offered up by Oliver Queen who received stares of complete amazement and horror. 

“Dude, how could that possibly have been worse?” Sam asked rubbing at his head. The rubber ducky had been removed, but his head bore several sore red patches from where it had stuck. 

“Please, don’t answer that.” Steve groaned, a pale hand clasped over his forehead in an effort to cover I DA CAP! That wouldn’t come away no matter how hard he scrubbed at it.

“I agree with friend Queen.” Thor declared, having recovered from his hangover with remarkable speed and was surprisingly upbeat about the whole event, even being arrested. It seemed that he wanted to experience as much of Earth culture as possible and being arrested and put on trial in an earth court of law was fascinating and thrilling to him. 

“Our celebrations were mild compared to what I and the warriors three have done in times past, why one time we rounded up a dozen wild boar and rode them through my Father’s throne chamber while completely naked and singing a fine battle song!”

Steve moaned and buried his face in his hands while Sam stared at Thor incredulous. “On another occasion we…”

“Thanks Thor. I don’t think we need to know.” Tony said trying to get the imagine of naked Asgardians riding boar while naked and thoroughly inebriated. 

“Laura’s not speaking to me.” Clint complained, “She threatened my manhood and is going to make me sleep in the barn for the next week or more.”

“Do you know that we’re trending on twitter?” Barry piped up from where he’d been engrossed in his phone. “I DA CAP is being turned into a Tattoo, about a dozen people have had it tattooed on their bodies over your Shield.”

“Oh God.” Steve groaned utterly mortified.

“And people are writing Property of (their partners names) on their chests.” 

Lex glared at Clark who shrank back in his seat and rubbed at his chest where the offending writing was still visible under his white t-shirt. 

“Sorry.” He offered weakly. 

Lex scoffed, “I need a drink.” He got up and went to the bar, getting himself a neat vodka.

“Can I…” Oliver began.

“Finish that sentence and I’ll toss you out of this plane.” 

Oliver wisely shut up and sat back in his seat. Chuckling Tony went and joined Lex, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Look on the bright side, at least everyone still has their limbs attached and functional, Clark still has his eyebrows and hair, and the writing should have faded by the time you two get married.” The wedding was five days away, so that would give it time to wear off.

Lex grunted, “Knowing my luck some apocalypse will happen within the next five days.” He suddenly smiled and gave Tony his full attention, “You and Bruce, huh?” 

Tony flushed and looked away, “We’re not discussing that.”

“Oh come on!” Lex protested, “This is great, this is like my parents getting back together or something, it’s brilliant.”

“Parents!” Tony cried.

“You know what I mean.” Lex said, “You and Bruce are made for each other, it’s meant to be.”

Unfortunately Lex’s raised voice meant that everyone on the jet had heard him and Tony was faced with a barrage of questions about him and Bruce which he refused to answer, slinking back to his seat slumping down with flushed cheeks and a smile. 

 

*****

 

Once they got back to America, Barry, Lex, and Clark headed back to Metropolis, Clint headed for his farm and irate wife, while the other’s went back to the tower. 

The next day Clark rather sheepishly went into work, his head down and cheeks flushed as his sensitive ears picked up the whispers and giggles from his colleagues as he made his way to his desk.  
When he reached said desk he let out a heavy sigh, as right then, taped to the computer screen was a printed out photo of himself, shirtless, with a bowling ball stuck on his hand, Property of Lexcorp written over his chest, a drunken half naked Oliver hanging off his left shoulder, and an equally inebriated Steve leaning heavily on his right shoulder, I DA CAP! Written over his drunken smiling face.

“Looks like it was a hell of a night.” Lois purred from her desk, smirking obnoxiously at him.

“I hate everyone.” Clark groused, grabbing the photo and tearing it up, only to find that the same photo had also been turned into his desktop wallpaper when he turned his computer on. Several sniggers came from behind him and he seriously considered melting their coffee cups all over them.

“How did you guys even get to London?” Lois asked curiously, “You didn’t have passports with you, did you?” 

“Thor flew us.” Clark said swiftly. It wasn’t a total lie after all, he just didn’t mention his own involvement in the flight.

“Interesting.” Lois said, the tone of her voice making Clark’s sense go on alert as it was the tone she used when she was sniffing out a story. “Why would the Avengers want to spend time at your Batchelor party. I know Stark is a friend of Lex’s, but why spend time with you, Smallville?” 

Clark shrugged and offered her best country boy smile, “Because I’m such a nice and likeable person that everyone wants to spend time with me?” Lois scoffed and rolled her eyes, so he tried a different tactic, “Thor’s never been to an earth Batchelor party and wanted to experience it. Clint, Sam, and Steve came along for the ride.”

“Hmm.” Lois didn’t look completely convinced, but chose to drop the subject, or at least that part of it anyway, “How did your less hirsute half take the news of your drunken activities?” 

“I’m sleeping on the couch until our honeymoon.” Clark replied sourly, Lois’ inelegant snorts of laughter did nothing to help his mood, neither did the continued gossip about the “Super Powered Stag Night” as the media had taken to calling it on account of the Avenger’s presence. 

“Ah look on the bright side, Smallville.” Lois said, getting up and patting his shoulder as she made her way to the coffee maker, “It’s very unlikely anything else will happen before the big day now, or in fact on the big day.”

Clark hummed and rubbed his temples, “I hope so.” He said, “Lex might just have an embolism if anything else happens.”

 

*****

Lexcorp.

 

Lex walked smartly out of the glass and crome doors of the sky scraper with his secretary and PA running along side him, some how managing to keep up with his long strides in their break neck high heeled stilettos. 

“Move the meeting with the investors to Wednesday, and make sure that the board of Directors know that I want the meeting on Friday to be over by noon, and that everyone knows that I am not to be disturbed from 1800hrs onward until after my honeymoon ends.”

“Yes, Mr Luthor.” The Secretary said, making a note in the electronic diary on her tablet. 

“You have a meeting with R&D in ninety minutes, so don’t too long with lunch.” His PA said, “And marketing are complaining about the budget.”

“Marketing are always complaining about the budget.” Lex scoffed heading for his car where his driver already had the door open for him.

“Well Henley wants it increasing by ten percent.” 

Lex sputtered, “That’s extortion, two percent, five maximum. R&D get the biggest budget, Henley doesn’t like that, he can go and do marketing for another company, and you can tell him I said that. Overpaid bastard.”

“No problem.” The PA said as they reached the car.

“Want me to bring you ladies back anything from the deli?” Lex asked pausing in the doorway.

“I’m on a diet.” The secretary said mournfully, “I miss food so much.”

“You could have something healthy.” The PA suggested.

“Nothing that’s healthy tastes good though.” The secretary complained, “I need full fat and sugar and carbs, oh God carbs!” 

“How about some reduced fat blueberry muffins?” The PA said, “You can sprinkle granulated sweetener on them and pretending it’s the real thing.”

“Better than Rabbit food.” The Secretary agreed.

“Low fat blueberry muffins, gotcha, anything else?” Lex asked.

“A slice of New York cheesecake.” The PA said.

“I hate you.” The secretary snarled glared at the PA’s enviable figure and the fact she possessed an impossible metabolism, “An herbal tea.” She added to Lex’s order.

“Mochaccino with extra whip.” The PA smugly added grinning at the glare her colleague gave her. 

“Alright, I’ll see you two in an hour.” Lex said getting into the car, the door was shut by the driver who slid into the drivers seat and set off, locking the doors as he went and then slid down the screen as another passenger sat up in the front passenger seat, turned and grinned at Lex. 

“Welcome Lexy, so glad you could make it!”

Lex shrank back into the leather seat as he stared at Joker’s leering face, one glance at the driver confirmed it wasn’t his usual driver but one of Joker’s henchmen, the cap he’d been wearing which had concealed his face was now on the dashboard and Lex could clearly see the knife scar running from temple to jaw. 

“It’s been way too long since we last spoke, my follicle deficient darling.” Joker purred scrambling over the seat and joining Lex in the back. He wrapped an arm about Lex’s shoulders, pulling him closer and pressing a straight razor against Lex’s cheek as he tried to squirm away.

“What do you want?” Lex growled glaring into the Joker’s emotionless eyes, not daring to call for Clark, not until he was certain Joker had no kryptonite on his person as he had the last time they’d encountered each other. 

“Why you, of course.” Joker laughed, “And people call you a genius, don’t they realize that you are just a very pretty face.” He stroked the razor down Lex’s cheek and placed it under his chin, leering at Lex. “So very pretty.” 

He lunged forward and captured Lex’s mouth into a savage kiss, his metal teeth biting into Lex’s lips and drawing blood as the Billionaire struggling away from him, punching him in the chest and kicking at his shins. 

The pain only seemed to delight Joker more, as he laughed excitedly, his bloody mouth wide in hideous smile, “So feisty, I like it!” He suddenly backhanded Lex, knocking him from the seat and down onto the floor making Lex hit his head against the front seat. 

The world span for a moment, not at all helped by the speed the driver was using, and Lex was unable to prevent Joker from manhandling him up onto his lap where he kept him pinned, Lex’s arms crossed over his chest and his wrists held in the Joker’s vice like grip, and the damned razor blade back at Lex’s face reflecting in the rear view mirror.

“Did I ever tell you how I got my scars?” Joker breathed into Lex’s ear.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Lex hissed.

Joker laughed and ran his tongue up the back of Lex’s head, “It was an older man, I thought he liked me, so I tried to show him how much I liked him.” Joker said, tapping Lex’s lips with the razor, “I got down on my knees for him, reached out to undo his pants, when suddenly he grabbed my wrists and yanked me up, spat in my face saying that he was no fag.” The tapping stopped and the blade poised just under Lex’s bottom lip, pressing in just enough to draw a thin line of blood. 

“I tried to explain but he wouldn’t listen, he got his friends to hold me still, took out a knife and forced my mouth open. Said that a filthy, cock-sucking mouth like mine needed to be cleaned from the inside out. So he cut my mouth, sunk the blade in again and again until he was sure he’d purged the cock-sucking desire from my heart.” 

The grip about Lex’s waist tightened and Joker shifted beneath him, letting Lex feel his erection, “But of course it didn’t work. I still wanted it, I still wanted to suck cock.” Joker told him, “Only there was one guy I didn’t want to suck off, because he was disgusting and I told him that I’d rather eat my dead Father’s ass than touch his shrivelled prick.”

Lex shuddered as laughed was breathed into his ear, “He didn’t like that, didn’t like me refusing him. So he got a baseball bat and he smashed my teeth out so I couldn’t bite him, and then he fucked my mouth while I lay on the ground, chocking on blood and spunk.”

Teeth grazed the back of Lex’s neck and he shuddered trying to pull away, “I got new teeth, better teeth and when I did, I went back to the guy, I got right down on my knees for him, I nuzzled his crotch like a dog, I licked him all over and I suckled on him like he was lollipop, and then, right when he was about to spurt, I bit his prick right off and ate it all up!” Joker laughed aloud at his harrowing story, “And when he lay on the ground clutching at himself I said to him, “Look whose smiling now, look whose got the last laugh!”

The car went over a speed bump and Lex yelped as Joker’s erect penis was shoved harder against him which made the deranged clown laugh even more and hug him tighter, “Don’t you worry your pretty shiny head, I’m gonna take real good care of you.” Joker purred rubbing his scarred grease painted face against Lex’s head, “My perfect, precious pearl.”


	27. Chapter 27

The Joker kept up his talk all the way into Gotham, explaining to Lex how he and Harley had broken up. She’d apparently chopped off her hair and gone full emancipation since then, wanting to show the world that she didn’t need Joker to define her. 

“She could never compete with you, Lexy.” Joker said nuzzling into Lex’s body, “I mean she was fun, but she was so whiney too, always going on and on at me Puddin’ this and puddin’ that, wonder I didn’t cut her tongue out!” He laughed his trade mark cackle, “She did put it to good use sometimes though.” He said running the razor blade over Lex’s mouth, “I’ll bet you’re good with yours too, I’ll bet you put that smart mouth to excellent use.”

Lex shuddered and made himself not retort with a stinging comment that might result in Joker using the blade against his skin, however, he couldn’t hold back a yelp when Joker’s free hand let go of his wrists and went down between his legs squeezing at his balls.

“Get off me!” He cried thrusting his elbows back into Joker’s stomach, the lunatic groaned and laughed seemingly amused by Lex’s fighting, his laughter increasing when Lex kicked his shins painfully hard and lunged for the driver, wrapping his hands about the man’s face and covering his eyes as he tried to scramble over the barrier and into the front seats so he could gain control of the vehicle.   
The car swerved and rode up onto the pavement narrowly avoiding hitting anyone as Lex tried to reach the steering wheel, he felt cold hands on his legs and then he metal teeth sank into his flesh making him scream in pain. 

He jerked his leg trying to kick the Joker off like he was rabid dig biting him, the movement caused his hand to slip and the driver to regain control of the car, he also drove his right elbow back which connected with Lex’s face knocking him down from the barrier and onto the car floor. 

Joker finally let go of his leg with a sickening wet slapping sound as his lips snapped together, Lex scrambled for the car door, he knew it was locked but maybe he could force it open, or at least break the window. 

He threw his weight against it, trying to force the door open, he could feel blood trickling down the back of his calf and hear the Joker’s laughter. Frantically he beat his fists against the window trying to break it open which was when cold hands wrapped about his head and his face was smashed against the window knocking him out cold. 

“Ugh courtship is so much work these days.” Joker complained, flopping back on the seat, his mouth covered in blood that was rolling down his chin. “It use to be so easy, just shoot the boyfriend or girlfriend in the gut and leave them to bleed out in the gutter and then take off with their better half, no muss no fuss. Now it’s a whole thing of getting hold of them, driving them from city to city, getting them to understand how you feel about them, make you wonder why you bother don’t it?”

“Sure does boss.” The driver replied.

“Ah get us home.” Joker purred, “I’m sure I can soften him up, although,” He laughed maniacally, “I like it when he fights back.”

 

*****

 

The first anyone knew that anything was wrong was when Lex failed to return from lunch, his PA and Secretary began calling his mobile and his driver’s mobile, which was heard ringing in the carpool where the driver’s dead body was found. 

He'd been garrotted, his throat was completely slashed open, as was his face, a Glasgow smile had been carved into it giving away the likely perpetrator. 

On discovering the body the police were immediately called and they went to the Daily Planet building to inform Clark as to what had happened. 

 

Clark’s day had been slowly improving, the whispers and comments had been getting fewer as people got it out of their systems. He’d finished his article in record time and had some free time to surf the internet, there had been no emergency call outs for Superman, all in all, he was feeling better, right up until the detectives came to his desk with an ashen faced Perry.

“Mr Kent?” One of them said holding out a hand for Clark to shake, “I’m afraid we have some distressing news.”

Clark felt his stomach flip over, “Mom?” He whispered imagining a car accident as she drove from Kansas to Metropolis.

“Ah no Mr Kent, it is your Fiance, Lex Luthor.” 

Lex? Clark had heard nothing, no call for help, no screams, not a sound. 

“It appears that his driver, a Mr Mendez has been murdered and we have reason to believe that Mr Luthor has been abducted.” The detective explained. “By the Joker.”

 

*****

 

Joker. 

Of all the villains why did it have to be him? 

Why not penguin, or Mannheim, or someone who wasn’t quite as likely to snap and slice Lex open like a Christmas turkey.

One of the worst parts of this was that Clark couldn’t do anything. With the detectives present he couldn’t slip away and change into his uniform and start flying over the City in a search for Lex. They had allowed him to go to the Penthouse to wait, under escort of course, and he’d been allowed to call Tony, explaining that there was no way the media wouldn’t get hold of the story within the hour and it was better that the pregnant Omega heard this from him and not on a news bulletin.

Before he’d left the planet Perry and Lois had assured him they’d try and stall any news leak on the story for as long as possible and Lois had hugged him offering him assurances that everything would be alright.

Clark wish he could believe her, wished he could hear Lex, and he could guess why he hadn’t heard Lex call out for help as he would have with any other criminal. The last time they’d tangled with Joker he’d had kryptonite in his possession, Lex wouldn’t risk Clark becoming hurt, he’d rather risk his own life than take a chance with Clark’s safety. 

“Why would Joker want Luthor?” the Detective’s partner asked, “Isn’t he in tight with that crazy psycho chick?”

“Who knows,” The detective said, “The man’s a raving psychopath he doesn’t need a reason for doing anything, he just does it.” 

Clark swallowed hard and tried not to recall the way the joker’s soulless eyes had stared so possessively at Lex at their engagement party, how freely his hands had wandered over Lex’s body, pawing at him and groping him as if he had a right to touch the Billionaire. 

The thought of those filthy hands sullying Lex’s skin made Clark’s blood boil in anger. The pure Kryptonian part of him raged in fury, wanting to go and punch his fist right through the Joker’s chest, right into his blackened and shrivelled heart. Such a thing would have been acceptable to Krytonians, he'd have just been seen as defending his mate from a threat, but on earth it wouldn’t be and the humanity that Jonathon and Martha had instilled in him stayed his hand. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the helicopter landing on the helipad on the roof and didn’t notice anything until Tony was shoving past the police and waddling across the penthouse and pulling him into an embrace.

“I came as fast as I could.” He said to Clark who was practically boneless in his arms, “I’ve called Bruce, he and boys are searching for Joker now.” He whispered into Clark’s ear, “Cyborg has hacked the traffic cameras and spotted Lex’s limo heading for Gotham. Barry and Diana are going to help, and the Avengers are on standby, Natasha has even gone into Gotham to help interrogate the lowlife to try and find out where the Clown is hanging his hat these days.”

“Now, Mr Stark, you can’t be here.” The detective said, “I understand you are worried but…”

“You understand?” Tony snarled, his head whipping around to glare at the detective, “Has one of your best friends been abducted by a murderous psychotic clown?” 

“No but..”

“Then do not insult me by saying you understand.” Tony growled, turning his attention back to Clark, he rubbed at the Kryptonian’s broad back and squeezed his hand, “Lex is strong, he’ll get through this, honey, and he’ll be back home before you know it.”

“I couldn’t help him.” Clark whispered, his voice too low for the detective’s to hear, “He didn’t call me.”

“Yeah, I figured.” Tony murmured, “Joker might have kryptonite on him, Lex wouldn’t take the chance.”

Clark grunted, “Why does he have to be so brave all the time, can’t he for once let someone else be brave?” He looked at Tony who smiled softly,

“He’d say the same about you if your positions were reversed.”

“I just hate this.” Clark said, “I have so much power and yet here I am, helpless, terrified.” 

“I know the feeling.” Tony agreed, the sight of that armada of space ships on the other side of the wormhole still haunted his sleep, he’d only seen it for a few seconds but that had been enough to make him realize how tiny and insignificant he was in the face of such a force, how truly helpless he was against them. 

Talking about it helped, Bruce had said he’d felt the same during Black Zero, when he’d been trying to reach the Wayne Tower, had seen it fall and been unable to stop it from happening, then seen people he knew, employees dead, wounded, maimed and again been unable to do anything but carry them from the rubble and offer welfare checks to the survivors. 

Helplessness was the worst feeling, worse than pain, worse than fear, worse than anger, because it combined all of them and left you still unable to do anything about it. 

“If Joker hurts him I don’t know what I’ll do.” Clark whispered. 

“Don’t think like that.” Tony said rubbing at Clark’s back again.

“How can I not?” Clark asked looking at Tony, his expression broken and eyes filled with unshed tears, “You know what he’s capable of, you know what that psycho has done. Christ, he pushed Bruce out of third story window!”

“I know.” Tony said cutting Clark off before he could continue and work himself up even more, “But you can’t think about what he might be doing, it’ll drive you mad imagining the worst. With any luck the asshole is just playing one of his stupid cat and mouse games, he’ll lead the cops on a merry chase and make a song and dance about it, then get the crap kicking out of him by Batsy and head off for another vacation at Arkham, and Lex’ll be home for dinner!”

Clark managed a weak smile at Tony’s attempt at humour. He knew that the Joker had done things like that before, usually when he was bored and looking for entertainment, he’d kidnap of a socialite, or celebrity and lead the police on a wild chase until Batman stepped in, finding where he was actually holding the hostage, free them and beat the crap out of Joker. 

Of course it was all a game to Joker. Unlike other criminals who had actual plans and ambitions, Joker didn’t care, he just did whatever he wanted when he wanted. He got off on causing chaos, he had no desire for power or wealth or anything really, he was just looking to amuse himself in the moment, he might rob banks and jewellery stores for the hell of it, but he didn’t care about the money or jewels as his henchmen did, what he got out of it was the thrill of killing innocent cashiers and terrorizing customers. 

It was entirely possible that Joker was just holding Lex because he was bored, but it could also be for another reason, a darker reason, with the Joker there was just no way of knowing and that was what made him truly so terrifying, because he could not be predicted. 

 

***** 

 

Lex awoke with a spinning head and a vague sense of nausea. Blinking open his eyes he found himself staring down at blood and grease stained floor. Shifting, he became aware that not only was he bound by the wrists and ankles he was also suspended from the ceiling by them in shackles that was digging painfully into his skin. He’d been stripped naked, even his shoes were gone, and a ball gag had been shoved into his mouth preventing him from doing anything but grunting in frustration. 

He squirmed and tugged on the shackles trying to see if he had enough flexibility to bring his hands together so he could dislocate his thumbs and at least get his hands free, but no, his arms had been pulled out too far and every movement threatened to dislocated his shoulders which were throbbing from the prolonged position, as were his hips and knees, not to mention his back which was spasming from being arched backwards like this. 

Breathing was difficult too, his body wasn’t meant to bend like this or hang like this and the pressure made it harder for Lex to inhale deeply, something that wasn’t at all helped by the damn gag. 

It would have been very easy to give into panic in this situation but Lex made himself stay focused and tried to take even breaths, panic would get him no where, he needed to stay calm and save his strength, so far his injuries were minor, he’d been sore and stiff but he could still fight. 

As his eyes adjusted to the poor lighting he became aware of a green glow in one corner and groaned. 

Kryptonite. 

Not a large amount but enough to weaken Clark. Joker wasn’t stupid, he knew that Superman had saved Lex too many times to attempt a kidnapping without having an ace up his sleeve or in the corner as was more accurate. But it also meant that Lex couldn’t just call for help from Clark, he had to wait and hope that Bruce found him before the Joker did whatever his crazed mind was planning.

The Billionaire tensed as the door to the room was opened and a shirtless Joker strolled in swigging from a bottle of vodka. 

“Well, it looks like my little bird is finally awake enough to play.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoilers for Bird of Prey. BTW if you haven't seen that yet, go and see it, it's hilarious.

The Joker prowled about Lex looking like a large cat studying the animal it was about to pounce on and rip apart. 

“It’s true then.” Joker purred, “Not a scrap of hair on you.” He bent his back and looked straight at Lex’s crotch to verify this.

Years ago Lex would have flushed at such a comment, would have shied away ashamed and embarrassed by his hairless form, but learning to fight back against the asshole bullies at Excelsior, and learning that his high cheekbones, and lean muscled physique more than made up for a lack of hair on his body. Some of his partners had even preferred it, said they liked the fact that his jaw didn’t give them a stubble rash, and how wonderfully smooth his skin was, flawless, like a fresh water pearl. 

Lex flinched when the Joker’s cold hand stroked over his backside, pinching the cheeks and actually slapping them. 

“Nice and firm, you must work out, Lexy.” He leered, breathing into Lex’s face, the metal teeth inches from Lex’s cheek, for a moment Lex thought he’d bite him, but Joker stood back up and drank heavily from the vodka bottle, finishing the last of it and threw the bottle against the wall where it shattered. 

“You know,” He confided, as if he were going to share a secret with Lex, pressing up against him and whispering into his ear, “You took too long waking up, I had to amuse myself while you were napping, and now…” He chuckled and ran a hand down the front of his pants, “Now I can’t do what I wanted with you.”

Lex was more than relieved to hear that Joker was too inebriated to get it up. He couldn’t imagine anything worse than being raped by the sadistic psychopath, and knowing Joker, the deranged lunatic probably thought that screaming and begging for mercy was some kind of foreplay. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Joker asked in a sing-song voice, pushing his forefinger into Lex’s forehead and pushing him backwards so he rocked slightly in the shackles. “Have you got any ideas in that pretty, shiny head?” He pulled the ball gag from Lex’s mouth and stood back to stare at him. 

Lex spat on the ground and flexed his aching jaw, “I don’t supposed you’d let me go?” He asked, “Not that I don’t enjoy your repulsive company, and I really don’t. But I have things to do, I’m getting married in a few days, you know?” 

“Uh-huh.” Joker breathed, “To that oaf farm boy.” He grinned, “Maybe I should gut him and serve you his intestines on pizza bread, would’ya like that, Lexy-baby?” 

“Try.” Lex goaded, “It’ll be funny.” 

“Why? Because that tights wearing freak will show up to stop me?” Joker cackled and pointed to the kryptonite, “But I have the ultimate Superfreak deterrent.” He tilted his head as if considering something, “Maybe I should kill old Supey. Serve you his head on a platter.” He grinned at Lex, “That’d make a wonderful wedding present wouldn’t it?” 

“How about you chop your own head off, that’d be an even better one.” 

Joker was laughed as he slapped Lex about the face and shoved at his shoulders making his body swing back and forth on the shackles, straining his joints and limbs all the more. 

“So feisty.” He laughed, heading for a wooden crate in the corner, which store a variety of sex toys, torture devices, and several blood stained blades of various size. “Oh, don’t tell me she took it with her!” Joker whined, “Goddamnit I said nothing but the clothes she was wearing, if she has got it then I swear I’ll skin someone!” More disturbing objects came flying out of the crate, even a femur that looked horribly human to Lex’s eye, “Aha!” Joker stood up triumphantly, a cat of nine tails in his hand. “The perfect tool to punish a bad kitty.” He said advancing on Lex, brandishing the knotted leather whip, “Anything to say, little kitty?” 

“Yeah,” Lex said balling his fists and bracing himself, “Fuck you!” 

 

*****

 

 

If there was one person in the world who knew the Joker intimately, it was Harley Quin. She had not only been part of his inner circle, she’d been his Queen, knew his mind and his heart. If there was anyone with any idea of where he might have taken Lex and what he might have planned for him, then it would Her. 

That was why Bruce tasked the boys and Natasha to look for her rather than the Joker or one of his minions. Harley would be easier to find, she was not a discrete person, she liked to make an entrance and a lot of noise wherever she went.

Since her break up with Mr J, Harley had been on the party scene a lot, bars, night clubs, both legit and shady, drinking heavily, hitting fast food establishments, cafes, roller-derby, and, for some bizarre reason, adopted a hyena as a pet. 

Why the hyena Bruce wasn’t sure, but he supposed that after having Joker for a lover, a pet hyena was kind of fitting. 

As she had been seen in the vicinity, Bruce headed for the Iceberg Lounge, Penguins Club. While not totally legit, the old bird was trying to keep to the straight and narrow, and Bruce could turn a blind eye to him selling knock off alcohol at top shelf prices to those too stupid to realize, and if he was committing fraud in his tax returns then that was an IRS problem, not Batmans. So long as Penguin kept on the reasonable side of the law then there was no reason to bother him, and for a long time Bruce hadn’t needed to, in fact he was only going there now to see if Penguin had a lead on Harley. 

The former mayor and crime lord of Gotham was schmoozing with a couple of wealthy Gotham heiresses whose Father’s liked to conduct their business over the tables of the nightclub where the music would drown out their conversation. 

Bruce watched this from Penguin’s office, having entered through the fire escape, disabling the alarm on his way in. One of the women or rather girls had her obviously fake breasts shoved so close to Penguins face that his monocle was steaming up! 

Penguin ordered champagne cocktails on the house for the socialites knowing it would please their Father’s who were deep in discussion, likely talking about money laundering or drug trafficking, something Bruce would have been more interested in if he didn’t have other pressing concerns. His lips twitched when Penguin whispered to the bat tender to use cava instead of champagne and to water it down. He wasn’t doing it to keep the girls from getting even more drunk, but to save on cost. 

Apparently satisfied that his club was doing well for the night, Penguin hobbled back to his Office and would have screamed had the Bat’s gauntlet covered hand not covered his mouth.

“Sit down and don’t make a fuss.” He growled shoving Penguin towards his office chair. The half crippled swindler staggered to his seat and reaching into his breast pocket for a handkerchief, dabbing at his face. 

“I haven’t done anything.” He protested, “I’m clean!”

“Relax.” The bat sneered at him, “I only want information.” 

Penguin visibly relaxed, slumping down in his highbacked, fake gold plated chair. “What information?” He asked, “And how much will you pay?” 

“How about I don’t tell those girls Father’s that you are charging them for a bottle of Crystaal when you are serving them Cava?” 

Penguin gulped and smiled, “How can I be of help?” 

Fear always worked on Penguin, he was a coward after all. His physical disabilities meant he couldn’t be a fighter, his club foot and damaged knee left him at too much of a disadvantage, as did his diminished height and the extra fifty pounds he packed on in prison and never lost. So he tended to avoid physical altercation if he could, preferring to have others do the rough stuff for him, or make a very swift kill when it was unexpected because he would not win in a struggle. Although he hadn’t killed in a long time. 

“Harley Quin.” The Bat said.

Penguin’s monocle eye widened, “The Joker’s girl?” 

“Ex-girl, she was seen here recently, I need to know where she is.”

Penguin shrugged, “Search me. The crazy bitch came in, drank half her body weight in cocktails, threw up over my floor and then staggered off.” He snarled disgustedly, “If it weren’t for her psycho boyfriend I’d have strung her up, but I don’t need that freak coming around here. I have a reputation to maintain.” 

That, and he was scared shitless of Joker as most people were. 

“Come on, Oswald.” The Bat prodded, “You might not be running the show anymore, but I doubt much happens in the Eastside that you don’t know about, especially since you have bootleg liquor brought in every month to stock your shelves.”

Penguin gaped at him, “You know and you haven’t… you know..” He made a punching motion with his fists.

“I don’t care if people are too stupid to tell the difference between top shelf liquor and something that was brewed in a bath tub.” He paused, “But, I’m sure that the GCPD and the IRS, Trading standards and others would be interested.”

Penguin snarled wordlessly, “She’s staying somewhere in the East Side.” He said, “No ones sure where. But she hits several clubs regularly, and this dinner that serves revolting breakfast cocktails.” He shuddered at the thought of them, “Also this rundown Ice cream joint, the Dairy Delight or something. Complete hellhole, all the products are at least six months out of date.” 

Bruce supressed at shuddered at the thought and nodded his head, “Thank you.” He headed for the door and then paused, looking back, “The guy in the electric blue pinstripe suit.”

“Yes?” 

“He’s using fake notes.” Bruce sauntered out of the door smiling as he heard Penguin cursing up a storm behind him. 

East side, the narrows, and a couple of shoddy food joints. It wasn’t much to go on, but it was better than nothing, and with the boys and Black Widow helping, they could stake out each location pretty well. 

 

*****

 

It was Damian that spotted Harley, drunk and staggering, heading into the dinner, where she ordered a stack of pancakes smothered in butter and syrup. She perched on a bar stool and drank from a hip flask until a milkshake was placed in front of her, then she added the contents of the hip flask to the milkshake and slurped that. 

“I’ve found the crazy bitch, she’s stuffing her face right now.” He said into his com. 

“Language.” Bruce scolded, “And where are you.”

“The dinner off eighth and main.” 

“Be there in ten.” Jason said. 

Damian crouched low in the shadows watching Harley intently as she began to sob into her alcoholic milkshake, her mascara and eyeliner running down her cheeks as she wept. When the pancake were set before her she began to ball over them as she shoved them into her mouth.

“Pathetic.” Damian sneered disgustedly. He didn’t have to wait long before the others arrived, Widow dropping silently down from the rooftop, Jason pulling up on his Motorbike along with Dick, Tim reaching them shortly there after, and finally Bruce rapelling down the wall. 

“How do you want to do this?” Dick asked studying the sobbing mess that was Harley Quin. 

“She won’t put up much of a fight, she’d too drunk.” Damian said sneering as he did so. 

“Don’t underestimate her, drunk or not, she is dangerous.” Bruce cautioned, “And there is no reason to get the dinner staff involved, we’ll grab her when she comes out.”

“Or we could do that.” Jason drawled. Bruce spun around to see Natasha slamming Harley’s head down onto the counter top, knocking her out. She then threw some notes at the dinner owner, grabbed one of Harley’s pancakes and ate it with one hand as she flipped Harley into a fireman’s carry and sauntered out of the dinner.

“Bruce, I think you’ve been out Badassed!” Jason teased looking at Natasha with approval and desire.

“Oh shut up.” 

 

Natasha propped Harley up against the alley wall and Tim supported the drunken ex-Queen of crime, “Wake up!” Natasha snapped slapping Harley’s face.

Harley groaned and burped, blinking owlishly before grinning as she saw the Bat, “Batsy, you come to play with me?” She asked in a flirtatious tone.

“Just tell us what we want to know and you can be on your way, Quin.” The Bat growled at her. Harley moaned and pouted.

“No one wants to play with me. Not fair.”

“Maybe that’s because you keep breaking their bones.” Dick offered, “Try not damaging peoples bodies and they might like you better.”

“But that’s no fun.” Harley whined, she grunted and blinked dazedly, then gagged and vomited onto the ground. 

“Lovely.” Jason drawled as vomit spattered his suit, “No wonder the Joker broke up with her.”

“I broke up with him!” Harley shrieked, “We’re done, I hate that clown.”

“Great.” The bat said, “Then you won’t mind telling me where he’s hanging his hat these days.”

“Why would I do that?” Harley asked, then her eyes lit up and she struggled out of Jason’s hold, staggering over to the dumpster and pulled out a discarded taco, “Hmm sour cream and extra cheese!” She exclaimed stuffing it into her mouth despite the fact it’d been in the dumpster with God knows what else. 

“Harley, focus.” The Bat snapped, “Where is Joker?” 

“How should I know?” Harley replied, around her taco, “Why d’you wanna know?” 

“Because he’s kidnapped Lex Luthor.” Natasha said, shrugging when everyone looked at her, “We think he’s looking to make Lex his new Queen.” This got Harley’s attention and she tossed down her taco and stamped her foot. 

“Damn him, that pencil dicked asshole, I hate him I hate him!”

“Then get back at him by telling us where he is.” Jason said. “You don’t owe him anything.”

“No, he owes me.” Harley snarled, “I thought up half of his schemes you know? That whole engagement party thing, totally my idea, not that he’d even let me have any credit. Cheese knob bastard.” 

“Great.” Dick drawled, “And where would this cheese knob bastard be?” 

“Ugh, try amusement mile.” Harley groaned, “He liked to hang there, made a whole apartment in the freakin’ funhouse.” A wistful look came over her face, “We had sex in the mirror maze you know… and on the slide.”

“Okay that’s enough.” Jason said, really not wanting to hear anymore about Harley and the Joker’s sex life. “How about you… head home.”

“Yeah, sure, I gotta feed Brucey anyway.” 

Everyone paused, “Brucey?” Damian asked.

“Uh-huh, my Hyena. I named him after that cute Wayne guy. You know Mr J only shoved him out of that window because he was jealous that I find Brucey Wayne cute.”

“And we’re done.” Bat Man declared, “Amusement Mile, we reconvene there.” He aimed his rapel at the roof and flew up the wall, disappearing into the shadows. The others got onto their bikes, their laughter coming over the coms as Bruce tried to ignore them. 

“She named her hyena after you!” Jason snorted.

“Shut it.” Bruce snarled, red cheeked and thoroughly humiliated. 

“Brucey!” Dick snickered, “I’ll she goes, here Brucey, fetch Brucey!” 

“I will break your jaw if you don’t stop talking.” 

“I’ll be she has him on a pink leash.” Natasha calmly offered sending the boys into hysterics. Bruce sighed heavily as he approached the Batmobile. 

“I hate my whole fucking life.”


	29. Chapter 29

Lex’s back, backside, and thighs were all red raw and dripping blood down his sides that was puddling on the floor beneath his suspended body. 

Joker had been merciless in his whipping, lashing him repeatedly until he’d finally tired himself out an couldn’t wield the whip anymore. 

“Blood.” He panted dipping his fingers into the welts on Lex’s back, “I love the colour, the texture, the taste.” He slipped the blood covered fingers between his lips and sucked upon them. 

Lex shuddered and looked away. His back throbbed angrily as if it were on fire, he knew it would heal fast, the wounds would be gone within a few days, but right now they were agonizing. 

Joker prowled around him, touching him, rubbing his grease painted face against him, even licking his flesh and the blood dripping from him. “Do you know, I think I know why you are so resistant to show affection to me.”

“Because I find you repugnant?” Lex asked yelping as Joker slapped his backside.

“No. It’s because deep down inside you are an old-fashioned boy at heart and you want to do things the right way.” Joker leaned in close, cackling against Lex’s ear, “You want marriage before bedding.” He placed a sloppy kiss on Lex’s cheek and made his way to the door bellowing at his minions to get the car ready and to get themselves dressed, “After all, we’re going to church.” He said grinning at Lex, “It wouldn’t do to be under dressed.”

 

*****

 

As they had no idea where exactly Joker would be in amusement mile, the Bat Family and Natasha split up when they got to the carnival so they could cover the whole mile and search each ride, game, and stall. 

“They were here. The limo is here.” Tim reported over the com, “There are tracks from other vehicles, one of which is leaking transmission fluid.”

“Great, Joker’s vehicle maintenance is hardly a priority.” Jason snarked back. He had a more personal reason than anyone to hate Joker and to want to get his hands on the clown. The man had killed him, left his broken body for Bruce to find. It had taken so much pain and torment for him to find his way back to himself, to not lose himself in the darkness that the damned Lazarus pit invoked in him. 

He hated that he’d attacked Bruce and Tim, that he’d blamed Bruce for what had befallen him, the only one to blame was Joker and one day Jason would make the murderous bastard pay for all he had done. Bruce may not agree with his methods, but he would still do it, he would have his vengeance. 

“Stay sharp, even if he isn’t here in person doesn’t mean that there aren’t traps laying around.” Bruce cautioned everyone as he made his way into the Funhouse. Joker liked laying traps in his lairs, the kind that resulted in severed tendons in the legs, or shattered bones. His suite, the thick boots and solid Kevlar were all that had saved him from such a fate plenty of times and he had learned to be cautious where he stepped when entering any of Joker’s hideouts. 

“There are empty bottles littered around. I don’t think anyone is here.” Natasha said, her lips pursed as she went through a donut stall, “The fryer is still warm, they’ve not been gone for long, or could homeless have taken refuge here?”

“No. everyone knows Joker likes this place, the homeless steer clear of it, they don’t want to get caught up in his schemes or just be made an amusement.” Dick said as he completed a search of the Haunted House. 

“Smart.” Natasha murmured. 

“Guys, I have something.” Bruce called. He stood inside the giant clown head where he found blood shackles and fresh blood on the ground, along with a box of sex toys and torture implements scattered across the filthy floor. Within minutes the others had joined him, gasping at the sight of the bloody chains. 

“Lex.” Dick murmured a hand going to his mouth. 

“He flogged him.” Bruce spat lifting the bloody cat up from the ground. “Son of a bitch.” He tossed the whip aside with a snarl. 

“So where are they now?” Damian asked scowling at the array of toys and weapons. His sharp eyes searched the floor, the skid marks in the blood, the footsteps, “More than one person was in here when Lex was bleeding, three or four people, they carried him out of here perhaps?” 

“Well he couldn’t have walked with that brutal a lashing.” Dick agreed crouching down to look at the blood, “Maybe a pint or so spilled, he’d be conscious, and he heals fast so he’d likely not lose more than another half pint before the wounds closed over.” 

“Where is he?” Bruce muttered, “What is that devil playing at now?” 

“Could he have taken Lex out for dinner?” Natasha asked, she gestured around the room, “This is his idea of foreplay is it not? Maybe he’s taking Lex out on a date now, wining and dining him. Are there any restaurants that he frequents, anywhere he took Harley Quin?” 

“Pizza hut, Mcdonalds, burger king.” Dick offered, “He isn’t much for the romantic gestures.”

“Uh, B? Looks like we’ve got trouble.” This came from Tim who was looking out of the window up into the Gotham sky, He pointed up to the bat symbol stretched over the clouds. 

“Wonderful, like we don’t already have enough trouble.” Bruce grumbled, “Unless this is related.” 

“We’ll go with you.” Natasha said, “One you know what is happened we can decide how to respond.”

 

*****

Commissioner Gordon was on the rooftop shining the flood light into the sky, he waited patiently for the Bat’s arrival, not leaping out of his skin as he had during their early acquaintance, but he did inhale sharply when the Bat appeared seemingly out of no where. 

“One of these days you’ll give me a heart attack.” He complained, turning off the flood light. “The Joker.” He said with a heavy sigh. 

“Has Lex Luthor prisoner, I know.” The Bat growled. 

“But do you know where he is holding him?” Gordon asked, “I assume you don’t watch the news. Too busy lurking on rooftops I assume.” The Bat react to the gentle teasing and Gordon gave up on lightening the mood, “He’s broken into Gotham Cathedral, he has taken the Priest Hostage along with a few homeless that his thugs dragged in off the streets.”

“The Cathedral?” This was not the Joker’s usual style, he had never gone into any religious house in his long years of crime. 

“From what has been reported he was dressed in white tuxedo, someone in bridal wear was being carried into the Cathedral and his men were all dressed up with tops hats and the like.” Gordon said, “There has been a reported brake in on a bridal shop just outside of the narrows, likely the wedding clothes came from there, but why he’d…” He trailed off as the Bat was already moving to the edge of the rooftop, “So you’ve got this then.” Gordon sighed and shook his head, “And as always I’m left talking to myself.”

“Did you all get that?” Bruce asked as he slid down the side of the roof and landed in the street retracting the rapell wire. 

“Gotham Cathedral.” Natasha said sounding almost amused, “He’s staging a wedding!”

“Let’s get there and end this before he reaches the honeymoon stage.” Bruce grunted heading for the car, “Alfred, call Tony, let him know what his happening, but take care that Clark doesn’t come charging in. Joker likely still has kryptonite on him, we don’t need Superman falling to the ground in the middle of a fire fight.”

“Absolutely Master B.” Alfred said. 

 

*****

 

If Lex had thought the nudity was humiliating, being carried out to Joker’s car like a sack of potatoes, then he found the wedding dressing beyond belief. 

He’d actually thought the Joker was joking about a marriage, but the lunatic was completely serious, taking his gang to a wedding shop, shattering the windows with a rain of gun fire and looting the place. 

He chose himself a white tux in eighteenth century frock coat style and a top hat to match, his men clothed themselves in top hats, sparkling tiaras, even a puffy tulle petticoat! 

Lex was forced into a wedding gown, a complete meringue of a gown, with fluffy sleeves of chiffon, a lace bodice that dug into Lex’s ribs and sagged at his narrow waist, and skirt that had a huge bustle and hooped petticoats making it stand out for nearly three feet wide. The only thing Lex could be grateful for was that he didn’t have hair to pin a damn veil on so he was spared that humiliation and neither would a tiara stay put on his head. 

Despite his complaints and the fact his blood was staining the wedding down, Lex was bundled back into the car and Joker drove for the Cathedral, sending this men to wake the priest and drag the poor man inside, along with a couple of homeless who had been taking refuge from Gotham’s ever present rain under the arch for the night, barred the doors and proceeded to demand that the priest marry him and Lex. 

“Just do what the demented idiot wants.” Lex said to the priest, the poor man shaking in fear at the sight of the Joker. 

“it is not legal, there is no marriage licence, the witnesses.., it is not binding.” The Priest stammered as Joker sent one of his men to play the organ and another to light the candles. 

“Do I look like I care about the law?” Joker bellowed into the priests face, as the man backed away almost bending backwards over the pews the Clown Prince of Crime cackled, “Father, dear Father, do you want to know how I got these scars?” He stroked his razor down the Priests face and placed it under the chin. 

“My Father wasn’t a Father like you, he wasn’t a man of God. He was a drinker, he drank everything, beer, whiskey, lighter fluid, even his own piss!” 

The Priest shivered and gulped trying to pull away from Joker, “One night I decided to try the drinks he liked so much, I stole a sip from the bottle. When he caught me he startled me so much I dropped the bottle. Of course it broke, and he got so mad at me, so mad that I spilled his whiskey, so he took up one of the shards of glass and told me to open my mouth, and as he cut me, as he sliced my mouth open splitting my cheeks wide, he said, “Now you’ll be careful what you put in your mouth, Son.”

Joker pushed the razor against the corner of the priests mouth, “You will perform this marriage ceremony, or I will give you a smile to remember, Father dear, understand?” 

The Priest gulped and nodded quickly, crossing himself when Joker pulled back spreading his arms wide, “Music!” He declared, his voice echoing into the, “Let the organ music ring out to all of Gotham.” He spun around a garish smile on his face and pointed to the huddle homeless who were clinging to each other in fear, “Cheer!” He shouted, “Clap and cheer, this is a celebration!”

They looked at each other nervously and began to clap slowly, “Louder!” Joker bellowed, “Unless you’d have your hands cut off!”  
They clapped harder, one of them standing up to whistle as cheer. 

“Ah, that’s better.” Joker purred, “You!” He pointed to one of his men, “You’ll give away my beautiful bride.” He danced his way to the alter and took his place, “You, you’re my best man.” He said to one of them who had a tiara on his head and a veil trailing down his back. “Organ music, now!” 

Lex winced both from the pain of having his injuries jarred and from the sound of the badly played wedding march that thundered from the organ, as he was pulled down the aisle to take his place and begin the walk down to the Joker and terrified priest. 

When he reached the Joker he was flung to his knees and Joker back handed the thug, “You’re s’pose t’kneel before God, Boss.” The thug said shrugging his broad shoulders. 

“Oh, right, I forgot.” Joker got down on his knees and beckoned to the Priest, “Begin.”

The Priest staggered forward and made the sign of the cross over them, pausing midway as if he were unsure it was allowed for him to make the sign of the Lord over the Joker. 

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the union of… Mr… uh, Joker and Alexander Luthor. If anyone here present knows of any lawful impediment as to why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his piece.” 

“Here’s a reason.” Came the Bat’s growl from above them, “The Joker’s insane and Lex is marrying Clark Kent.” 

“Batman.” Lex whispered a smile spreading over his face as Joker cursed besides him. 

“God fucking damnit, can’t I even get hitched without you messing things up?” He complained, gesturing to his men, “Kill him!”


	30. Chapter 30

Joker’s goons opened fire but Bruce moved to fast for them, his rappel shooting across the cathedral and wedged into one of the wooden beams, Batman flew across the ceiling and then slid down onto the ground flinging out a couple of batarangs disarming two of Joker’s thugs and another was suddenly on the ground being shocked by Widowbites. 

Natasha appeared from the shadows easily ducking under one of the thugs blows and punching him in the stomach, swept his legs out from under him and jammed her boot against his throat threating to crush his wind pipe, she kept the position until he’d passed out and then snagged hold of the Priest who’d run for cover when the commotion had started.

“This way Father.” She said guiding him to the back door, where two more of Joker’s goons were unconscious and sporting various injuries. 

Arrows were fired from the roof and another thug was pinned to the ground, an arrow in the back of his knee and another through his shoulder, a katana blade knocked his gun from his hand taking off a couple of fingers and the blade was then pointed between his eyes. 

“Try it.” Robin growled down at the thug as Dick covered them from above, firing down more arrows, piercing the wrist of one of the goons who tried to take a switch blade to Bruce. As he was sobbing about his wrist Batman’s fist smashed into his face knocking him out cold. 

“Ahh fucking useless!” Joker bellowed reaching into his tux for an automatic, “You want something doing properly…” Lex lunged for the gun only to have the butt smashed into his face, breaking his nose and throwing him to the ground. Cackling madly Joker fired at Bruce, the bullets wedging in his Kevlar or bouncing off the helmet as Joker tried to take a headshot. When he saw he wasn’t get anywhere with that he turned his attention to Robin who was guiding the homeless to the doors to get them out of the Cathedral. 

“Oh no you don’t, you don’t run out on my wedding!” Joker cried changing his aim, a bow staff came down on his wrist breaking it and forcing him to drop the gun. 

“Back off Clown-ass.” Tim dressed as Red Robin spat at the demented clown, jabbing him in the side and the back of the legs to bring Joker down. He extending his free hand to Lex, helping him to his feet. He looked Lex up and down and burst out laughing. 

“Oh fuck you.” Lex spat, wiping blood from his lips. 

Seeing how the fight was going, Joker rolled over and away from Red Robin and Lex, getting to his feet and made a run through the Cathedral to try and find another way out only to run right into Red hood who had no qualms about knocking him on his ass. 

“Not so fast Fuck-face.” He spat at Joker who rolled over and crouched low, leering at him, his dark circled eyes lighting up at the sight of the gun that Red Hood was aiming at him. 

“You know you want to.” He purred, “C’mon, do it, do it!” 

“Don’t tempt me.” Red Hood growled. 

“But it’s be so much fun!” Joker goaded, undoing the front of his tux to expose his tattooed chest, “Right here, put it right here!” He yelled pointing at his heart, “Come on baby, show me a good time!”

Keeping aim on Joker, Jason advanced on him until the barrel of the gun was pressed flush against his chest. 

“That’s right, nice and close, just like how I was with Lexy.” Joker cackled his eyes dancing with madness, “His skin is so smooth you know? Like virgin silk..” He paused a laughed, “Well, it was, now though… now it’s more like moth eaten lace with all the holes I’ve put in it!”

Jason grit his teeth and glared at Joker, “You know something?” He asked, 

“Tell me baby, tell me.” Joker cried.

“You’re not even worth the fucking bullet.” Flipping the gun around Jason slammed the butt into Joker’s temple knocking him unconscious, as the demented freak fell to the ground Jason vented his anger on him, kicking him the groin a few times so the bastard would wake up to some serious pain and swollen testicles. 

“And this is why we can’t have nice things.” Tim drawled as he and Dick, who’d come down from the rafters came to check on Jason. 

“No, Demon Spawn is why we can’t have nice things.” Jason shot back, “Where is the little bastard anyway?” 

“Outside with the homeless and the Priest.” Natasha said, startling everyone since they hadn’t heard her approach. She smirked at them and knelt down, affixing plastic zip ties about Joker’s wrists and then more about his ankles so he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Meanwhile, having taken care of Joker’s thugs Bruce was supporting Lex and getting him outside the Cathedral. 

“You know, white really isn’t your colour.” 

“Screw you.” Lex snarled, thoroughly humiliated and more than done with this whole situation, it didn’t help that he was treading on and tripping over the hem of the stupid skirt. “I fucking hate Joker.” 

“It could have been worse.” Dick offered coming up with Jason and Natasha, “He could have put you in a pink collar like Harley has her Hyena.”

Bruce growled and Lex rose an eyebrow, “She has a hyena?”

“Oh yeah, and the best bit is she’s called it Bruce!”

 

*****

 

GCPD.

 

Lex had spent far too many times in police stations over the years, his misspent youth having seen him arrested on more than one occasion, although Lionel’s money saw that he never spent very long there. 

This, however, had to be the most humiliating time he’d spent in a police station though. He felt the eye of every bastard cop on him as he was led in to give his statement, the blood stained wedding dress attracting far too much attention and the blanket that had been draped over his shoulders doing nothing for his dignity. 

“If this ends up on the front pages I am suing everyone.” He snarled, glowering at the Commissioner and Captain who led him into the interview rooms to get his statement and take the photos of the damned dress before Lex could get out of it and into coveralls. Of course all of his injuries had to be examined and catalogued for evidence before they were treated and everyone stopped staring at him like he was some kind of carnival side show. 

Thankfully he wasn’t at the GCPD for very long before Clark and Tony arrived, the Kryptonian enveloping Lex in his strong embrace only to release him the second Lex winced. 

“Sorry baby, I didn’t think.”

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” Lex said, dismissively, “And not married, thank God.”

“It’s true then.” Tony said, “There are posts on line about Joker marrying you. We thought it was a joke and the wedding dress was a photoshop but…”

“What?” Lex grabbed Tony’s phone from him and began to scroll, “Are you kidding me?” He shrieked, “Who the fuck did this?” He yelled looking accusingly around the GCPD while holding up the phone which had several Instagram shots of him in that damn dress. “That’s it, I am suing this whole department, fuck, the whole state for this shit.”

“It’s not that bad.” Clark offered,

“Not that bad, is it you in a damn wedding dress?” Lex cried, “First you go on booze cruise across the continents, get a bowling ball stuck to your hand and arrested for theft and possession of pot, now this shit.”

The phone buzzed and a new image came up, this one making Lex swear in five different languages and look on the verge of his blood boiling. Tony took the phone and his eyebrows shot up.

“What?” Clark asked.

“It’s a post from Nightwing on his Tumblr.” Tony said turning the phone so that Clark could see it, There was a photo of Lex in Batman’s arms, being carried from the Cathedral. He’d tripped over the hem once too often and Bruce had swept him up into his arms and carried him outside. Unbeknown to them both, Dick had taken a photo of this, and had now posted it online with the caption. 

“The Bride and the Bat.” 

“I’ll kill him.” Lex spat, “I’ll strangle him with his own tights!” 

“You know he doesn’t wear tights, right?”

“I don’t care!”

 

*****

 

With his statement taken and Lex’s refusal to go to the hospital, Clark and Tony took him to Wayne manor for the night since it was closer than going to New York or to Metropolis. 

For very obvious reasons Dick stayed out of Lex’s sight since the Billionaire was still threatening to murder him for the photo and in all honesty Bruce wasn’t too happy about it either, even though Damian, Tim, and Jason were laughing themselves silly over it. 

Clark had thankfully brought some clothing for Lex to change into, a loose fitting T-Shirt and boxers to sleep in, and a pair of yoga pants and another over sized T-Shirt for the morning. 

“I hate that he hurt you like this.” Clark said, able to see the welts all to easily beneath the adhesive dressings that had been placed over the lash wounds. “I hate that he touched you at all.”

“Believe me, that feeling his very mutual.” Lex said, gratefully getting into bed and stretching out on his front. His joints and muscles all ached from being strung up, let alone the welts and his nose. The bruising was coming out now, his eyes starting to swell shut. By morning the worst would be past but right now he felt terrible and just wanted to sleep, something that Clark knew and wasted no time in gently tucking Lex in.

“Join me.” Lex murmured letting his eyelids close which eased a little of pressure in his face.

“I don’t want to bump you in the night.” Clark said and flushed as he realized the inuendo. 

Lex realized it too and smirked, “I like it when you bump me in the night.” Cracking open his swollen and bruised eyelids he pulled back the bed covers, “C’mon, I want to snuggle.”

Well Clark had always been a pushover when it came to Lex’s demands for physical contact and this time was no exception, he quickly stripped off and joined Lex beneath the bed sheets, smiling when Lex draped himself over Clark’s larger body and made himself comfortable. 

“You sure you’re okay?” He asked. 

“I will be.” Lex whispered tiredly, “Screw the clown and his crazy, right now we’re together again and nothing is going to spoil that.”

 

*****

 

With his healing factor Lex’s nose, back, and other injuries were much improved by morning, which was far more than his temper was when he saw the front pages of the news papers. Every single one had a picture of him in the wedding dress, some of which had him in Batman’s arms. 

The bride and gloom. The Bat’s Bride. Like a Bat out of Wedding Hell. 

“Will saying sorry help?” Dick asked sheepishly over the breakfast table as he faced Lex’s black eyed glare.

“Remind me why killing you is a bad idea?” Lex growled looking ready to stab him with the butter knife. 

“Bruce wouldn’t like it?” Dick offered, looking hopefully to Bruce, but the Bat was too engrossed in feeding Tony slices of melon and trading kisses which was making Damian cringe and mutter under his breath in Arabic. “On second thoughts, bye!” Nightwing shot off as if he had the hounds of hell on his tail.

“It could be worse.” Clark said giving Lex another coffee hoping that the caffeine would help soothe his temper. 

“How?” Lex spat glaring around the breakfast table, his mobile rang and he answered it with a snarl, “No I do not want to give a statement on my wedding fiasco.” He yelled slamming the phone down, “I am suing everyone on this God forsaken planet!”


	31. Chapter 31

Thankfully the rest of the week passed without incident and Lex’s injuries were all but gone by the time the big day rolled around. 

Following tradition Lex and Clark spent the night before the wedding apart, Clark staying in their penthouse while Lex stayed in a guest room at the tower.

Bruce stayed over as well, fortunately leaving the brats for Alfred to sort out in Gotham and have them all washed, fed, and looking presentable at the wedding venue on time. Unsurprisingly Alfred was demanding hazard pay for this and Bruce wasn’t arguing, he was just thankful to have a relatively normal morning with his boyfriend, well, what passed for normal in the Avenger’s tower. 

Steve and Sam went running early and came back with appetites the size of race horses, Natasha moved about like a deadly ninja and attacked things with knives, Clint arrived in the kitchen via the vents, sporting cobwebs and bed head, Banner was sleep addled and perpetually distracted as he sipped tea and spooned cereal while also reading a journal. Tony was grumpy, and Thor forgot to wear pants. 

After you’ve seen a naked Asgardian once you do pretty much get used to it, and so the Avengers paid Thor’s naked ass little mind as he collected pop tarts, coffee, pancakes, and other breakfast items. 

Lex paid him even less attention as he ran around in a state of excited panic, gulping back coffee and stabbing slices of melon, fretting over the time and running off to shower. 

“Why’s he in such a rush, it isn’t like he’s got to shave or anything.” Clint said with a frown and smacked Thor’s fingers away from his bacon, “Get your own.”

“Come now, Friend Hawk, comrades regularly share feasts.” Thor chortled trying again to get the bacon and getting his fingers slapped again.

“I don’t share food.” Clint grumbled, “I’m a growing boy, I need regular feeding.”

“Pity you never grow a brain.” Natasha observed as she mutilated a pancake with her knife, carving a very intricate patten into it. 

“We can’t be blessed with both brains and beauty.” Clint replied with a bright smile. 

“Shame you were blessed with neither.” Tony snarked, Clint gaped at the burn while Bruce snickered.

“Now, now Children, behave, lets not have fighting at the table.” Steve scolded them.

“Sorry Captain Daddy.” Clint chirruped unrepentant as always, “But Iron Mommy hurt my feelings.”

“Why am I Mommy and you are in no way my Son, hell no, that would be the same as giving birth to the antichrist.” Tony complained. 

“But Moooom!” Clint whined.

“Stop whining or you’ll be grounded.” Steve chuckled, humouring Clint. 

“Does that make us siblings?” Sam asked.

“Hell yeah, us birds have got to stick together.” Clint declared, “Team Wings!”

“Team feather-heads more like.” Natasha sneered at them both.

Clint stuck his tongue out at her and then stage whispered, “Nat is clear the elder sister who bullies the rest of us because she’s pissed over not being the Princess anymore.” He let out an anguished yelp as his shin was brutally kicked, “See!” He cried reaching down to rub his abused shin, “Mean!”

“You do tend to bring these things on yourself.” Banner said surfacing from his journal.

“You are the Middle child, total middle child, am I right?” Clint looked around for confirmation, Thor was too busy stuffing pop tarts into his mouth, Natasha was ignoring him, Sam was snickering, Steve was shaking his head and rubbing his forehead, and Tony and Bruce were making eyes at each other again. “Shit, tough crowd.” 

 

*****

 

Gotham.

 

“Eat, then shower, brush your teeth, shave if you are old enough to be shaving, then dress, underpants are mandatory, don’t whine Jason it is unbecoming, stop snickering Dick you are not amusing. Damian stop scowling or your face will stay that way. All of your suits have been laid out ready for you, I expect you all to be in them within the next ninety minutes and ready to go.” 

Amazingly Alfred managed to say all of that in one continuous breath. 

“Why do I have to wear underpants?” Jason grumbled, “It’s not like anyone would see under the suit.”

“Because I don’t have time to take you down the hospital because you got your penis caught in the zipper again.” Alfred replied sending Tim into a fit of hysterics. 

“Do we have to shave?” Dick asked scratching his stubble covered chin, “I’m trying to grow a beard.”

“You look like a balding hedgehog.” Damian sneered at him, “Shave it off.”

“screw you hell spawn.”

“Don’t start name calling, eat!” Alfred barked.

 

Grumbling under their breath the boys settled in to eat with only the occasional comment thrown at each other before left to go and start making themselves presentable. 

“I swear Master B, I don’t get paid enough for this!” Alfred sighed. 

 

****

Metropolis.

 

“Am I late, am I running late, I haven’t missed the wedding have I?” Clark appeared in the kitchen where Martha was making breakfast, a pyjama clad Barry was at the counter swinging his legs back and forth as he sipped juice, waiting for his pancakes and both regarded Clark with amusement.

“For once in your life you’ll be on time.” Martha said, “Now sit down, breakfast is nearly ready.” 

“Okay, great, thanks Mom.” Clark breathed, sitting down. He’d awoken in a panic, still half asleep when he leaped from the bed, the lingering traces of his dream clouding his mind and in his dream he'd been running late to the wedding, had to fly to the venue half in his suit and half in his uniform. 

“Excited?” Barry asked, “You know I’ve never been to a wedding before, or, well I kinda did, before I got my speed under control I kept running off without being able to stop and one time I ended up in Vagas and ending up crashing into the White Chapel where Elvis was marrying a women who looked like a really bad drag queen to a man who looked like a beach ball with legs. They were really nice though and let me go to their reception, at burger King! They got a special deal because they were newly weds!”

As always Barry managed to say this in at incredible speed and it took Clark and Martha a few seconds to catch up.

“That’s…nice.” Clark offered, honestly feeling a little bewildered. 

“This wedding will be better of course.” Barry said, “There’ll be cake for one thing.”

“Yes, of course, everything is made better by cake.” Clark said smiling as his pancakes were placed before him. “Cake, and Lex’s army of wedding planners.”

 

*****

 

Avenger’s tower.

 

Three hours till ceremony.

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, come on!” 

“Tony?” Bruce asked pausing in buttoning his dress shirt and went into the walk in closet where Tony was standing, struggling with his trousers. He could see the problem immediately, the fact the zip and button were not going to meet over his bump. 

“How can I have grown more than three inches in just a few frigging weeks?” Tony cried, “I’ve got the laces totally undone, they are supposed to fit!” He tugged hard on the zip, trying to make it do up but there just wasn’t enough material to stretch.

“Umm, have you got a safety pin?” Bruce offered and actually took a step back at the glower Tony sent him,

“I am not going to Lex’s wedding with a safety pin holding by pants together!” 

“Well, I don’t see another alternative, unless you want to go and buy some new ones?” 

“Now?” Tony groaned, he looked back at his wardrobe, the stretch pants he had wouldn’t work with his suit, he could at least get some slacks to wear with his dress shirt and suit jacket. “Fuck, Jarvis, get me a car ready.” He grabbed a pair of sweat pants and tugged them on, stuffing his feet into a pair of trainers, and grabbed his wallet as he headed for the door. 

Unfortunately he ran into Lex on his way to the lift, the bald Billionaire was just coming off the phone with someone and drinking what was probably his sixth cup of coffee.

“Where are you going?” he demanded of Tony, “Why aren’t you dressed?”

“Out, because my suit pants don’t fit.” 

“Wha… why would you buy suit pants that don’t fit?” 

“They fitted fine last week!” Tony bellowed rounding on Lex whom in his hormone ravaged mind was totally to blame for all of his present misery, he pointed his finger at Lex jabbing him in the chest as he spoke and making the younger man stumble back, “You did this, your spawn are making me expand like a frickin hot air balloon, so don’t you dare start complaining when I have to go shopping for new pants because the pair I bought no longer fit!” 

Lex gulped and stared at Tony with wide alarmed eyes, “Okay?” he offered. 

Tony huffed, turning back to stop to the lift then froze, his hands going to the bump. 

“What, what is it, what’s wrong?” Lex demanded rushing to his side, “Is it the Pups, are you in pain? Jarvis get an..” He broke off as Tony said something, “What?”

“They’re kicking.” Tony said, he looked up at Lex, a grin spreading over his face even as his eyes filled with tears, “One of them is kicking!”

Lex was for once speechless, he lay a shaking hand on the bump and gasped as he felt something move beneath his palm.

“How’s that for timing?” Tony half laughed, half sobbed, wiping away his tears with his fingers, damn his hormones.

Lex made a choked sound and cupped Tony’s bump looking like he was holding the crown jewels, there were tears shining in his eyes too as he felt the Pup moving, flexing small limbs inside his or her little home.

“Hey, Tony, Jarvis said you hadn’t gone yet so I thought I’d drive you…” Bruce trailed off as he found Lex and Tony by the lift, “Is everything alright?”

“They’re moving.” Tony sobbed, “One of them has started to kick!”

Bruce’s eyes widened, “Oh my God.” He approached them and extended his hand, pausing before he lay it on Tony’s bump. “Do you mind?”

“Go ahead.” Tony said wiping at his cheeks, “damn, my hormones, stupid crying.”

“At least you have that as an excuse.” Lex chuckled drying his own eyes, “Shit, I’ve to tell Clark, He’ll be so disappointed he missed this.”

“Best wedding present ever, eh?” Bruce asked feeling the Pup kick, “Wow, that’s… I’ve never felt anything like that.” 

“Isn’t it incredible?” Tony said sniffing hard.

“Yeah, Clark, no, nothing’s wrong, it’s the Pups, one of them has started to kick.” Lex said into his phone, “Right now, it just happened.” He grinned at Tony, “It feels amazing. I wish you’d been here too honey. But hey, you’ll get to feel it at the reception. Okay, I love you, see you in a couple more hours.” 

Sighing heavily Lex ended the call, turning back to Tony and Bruce, “Pants?” He said.

“Pants.” Tony agreed, “Bruce, if you’re driving put your foot down, we need to do this fast.”

Steve was just exiting the lift as Tony and Bruce got in and he frowned at them, “Where are they going?” He asked Lex. 

“Tony needs Pants.” Lex replied heading back towards the guest bedroom.

“Pants?” Steve repeated then shrugged, “Fair enough.”


	32. Chapter 32

The journey to get some trousers that fit wouldn’t have taken as long as it did but Tony caught the sniff of onion rings and couldn’t ignore the craving pangs that struck and insisted on going to buy some and get some sour cream and chive dip. 

“You’ll look like an onion ring before this pregnancy ends.” Bruce commented as they stood in the lift, going back up to the penthouse, new trousers safely held in a bag that was balanced on Bruce’s wrist, while Tony was clutching a pot of dip in one hand, had a bag of onion rings held against his chest and was munching on them happily despite the fact that they were warm enough to burn his fingers. 

“Nope,” He said popping the P, “I’ll look like I’ve swallowed a planet by the time I give birth.” He reached into the bag for another onion ring, “Since I’m going to be the size of a house I might as well enjoy my cravings, I am eating for four after all.”

Bruce snorted and shook his head as they reached the penthouse where Lex was pacing back and forth. 

“Where have you been? We’re running late!” He paused and sniffed, “Onion rings, now?” He asked incredulous. 

With an onion ring clutched between his fingers Tony pointed at his belly, “Pregnant, cravings cannot be ignored.” Dunking the onion ring in the dip he shoved it in his mouth and headed off to his bedroom. 

“Get him some antacids.” Lex sighed to Bruce, “He’ll be complaining about heartburn by the time he’s finished that lot.” 

Bruce gave him a wry smile, “The joys of pregnancy.”

“Bruce!” Tony yelled, “You’ve got the second pot of dip, I need it!” 

Bruce gave a mocking salute and followed in Tony’s wake with Lex snickering behind him. 

 

*****

 

Despite the trousers emergency, despite the cravings run, despite Lex nearly breaking his legs leaping over the sofa in one of his panic runs, despite Clark breaking half a dozen razors as he attempted to shave because his hands were shaking so much, the wedding actually went ahead on time without any problems. 

Tony walked (Waddled) Lex down the aisle to where Clark was waiting looking ready to burst into tears and jump for joy at the same time. Martha was crying, she was sniffing into a tissue as she gazed at her baby boy, all grown up. 

The two took their vows with shaky breaths, both shedding a few tears as they recited them, their hands shaking so much they nearly dropped their matching platinum wedding bands, but were kissing even before the officiate declared them married. 

Following Clark and Lex signing the register, they had photos taken and then went to the lavish reception that Lex had spared no expense on. 

The decorations were in a pale violet and silver, with bouquets of white roses, violets, lilies, and orchids on every table. A soft rock band were playing music for dancing, as well as champagne there was a fully stocked cocktail bar with bar tenders and a buffet spread put on serving every kind of finger food, snack food, savoury and sweet nibble imaginable, as well as the three course dinner.

The dinner consisted of a choice between starters of smoked salmon with a salad of cucumber, avocado, lemon and dill. Roasted bell peppers stuffed with goats cheese, olives, courgette, and cherry tomatoes, flavoured with garlic, coriander and cumin. Or Caprese Steak. 

The main course was a choice between, Lobster Thermidor served with Asparagus, broccoli, and sautéed baby new potatoes. Filet Mignon served with creamed potatoes, freshly shelled peas, asparagus, and flaked almonds. Or Parmesan and ricotta cheesecake served with a fresh green salad and cherry tomatoes. 

The dessert was a choice between a Chocolate and vanilla tartufo, Lemon tart, or Strawberry pavlova. 

Once the meals were eaten and people were enjoying cocktails or their preferred beverage, or sipping champagne, Tony stood, tapping the side of his glass for silence. 

“Well speech time.” He said, “As I am filling in as Father of the Bride…Groom…whatever, the follicle challenged guy in the posh suit and just so we are all clear I didn’t give birth to him, thank God, but I will be giving birth to his triplets, God help me!” He paused as the guests laughed before he continued.

“So, a few months ago Lex came to me and asked me to give him away, and I thought, I’ve been trying to give him away for years! Honestly I’ve tried to sell him, even at a marked down price, hell I’ve offered to pay people to take him off my hands, but they just wouldn’t have it!” Tony himself was laughed now and fending off Lex’s hands as he batted at him. 

“But, all joking aside, when Lex asked me to give him away and when I stood up with him at the alter today I felt more pride than I have ever felt before in my life.” Tony said smiling down at Lex, “I’ve known Lex since he was a scrawny runt of a teenager, I’ve seen him at his worst and at his best, I’ve laughed with him, cried with him, hell I’ve even gone and got knocked up by him, oh and just so everyone is aware before the dancing starts, my feet are killing me so don’t even bother to ask.” 

People chuckled again, but this time Lex wasn’t one of them, he was choking back his emotions as Tony put an arm about his shoulders. 

“Lex is and has been the closest to a younger Brother that I have ever had and I couldn’t be happier than to be here today celebrating his marriage to the only Man I think could ever be worthy of him.” 

Tony took his champagne glass off the table, it only had soda in it but the effect was the same, “Clark, you saved Lex’s life when you first met him, and that started a pattern, as you have gone on to save him, from heartbreak and loneliness, you have him the gift of your love and in doing so proved to him that he is both worthy and capable of love himself, for that alone you have my eternal gratitude.” He lifted the glass higher, “To Lex and Clark!”

“Lex and Clark.” The guests repeated drinking the toast and cooing as Lex and Clark both got up to embrace Tony. 

The sound of another fork on a glass caught everyone’s attention as Martha rose to her feet. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen.” She called out, “It may not be tradition for the Mother of the… Groom, second groom? To speak, more the Father of the Bride and the Best Man’s rolls, but neither Lex or Clark have a Father present so as Clark’s Mother, I will step in.” 

Clark clasped Lex’s hand on the table feeling a little trepidation to what his Mother may say. Tony was used to public speaking, he’d not even prepared a speech, he’d just given one and made everyone laugh and shed a few tears. Following that was going to be difficult for anyone and Clark hoped his Mother would be embarrassed. 

Martha cleared her throat and looked at her son and Son-in-law. “Were he here today, then my late husband Jonathon would have been bursting with pride to see our baby boy all grown and making his way in the world, happily settled with the person he loves and about to embark on their life together. 

We had all but given up on children when Clark came into our lives, a miracle that we never stopped being thankful and grateful for. Our precious boy who has brought so much joy to our lives, it should not have come as any surprise that he would go on to bring joy to lives of others, and that he would find the love of his life.” She smiled at Lex, “But as a parent you often struggle to see your child as anything but that, your child, not as a grown man. Ready to take on the world and all it can throw at him, you are over protective, cautious, fearing that they will be hurt. 

I feared that myself, that Clark would be hurt, by the world, by love. But that fear is over now, because I know that Lex will always love and support him no matter what and I couldn’t be happier than to stand here today and claim him too as my Son.” She raised her glass, “Lex, welcome to the family.” 

If Lex had been in tears from Tony’s speech he was sobbing now as he rose to embrace Martha, Clark too had given up on not crying as he wiped at he eyes and hugged his Mother. 

The final speech was given by Bruce as he rose, calling for silence once again and made a show of going through some notes before tearing them up and throwing them over his shoulder. 

“After those speeches is there really anything left for me to say?” He asked getting several laughs, “See Tony, I knew you were up to something last night, and I’m not talking about what you were doing with the vibration setting on your phone, that is between you and your phone and should never be made public information!” Tony flipped him off as the laughter rang out. 

“So, here we are.” Bruce said, gesturing to the congregation, “Celebrating the marriage…” He paused, “Lex, what number marriage is this, I can’t count.”

“Take your shoes off then you can!” Oliver Queen yelled up from one of the tables, while Lex threw a balled up napkin at Bruce’s head.

“Yes, thank you Queen, why don’t you go back to London, I’m sure there’s a few double decker buses you haven’t stolen yet!” Bruce called back to him getting more laughter. 

“Oh God, I’m never hearing the end of that.” Clark groaned. 

“Obviously Lex is a corruptive influence.” Bruce said with mock seriousness, “There was Clark, the sweet and innocent farm boy, all wrapped up and flannel and purity, never having dreamed of the sudden turn his life would take. A turn which was actually Lex driving like a lunatic and driving his car off a bridge!” 

“Bastard!” Lex said with a chagrined smile as the guests laughed. 

“Who would have thought, the farm boy and the degenerate brat, love at first kiss of life!” Once the laughter died down Bruce turned serious, “The unlikely love story began there on that river bank, the first seeds being sewn that one day blossomed into the beautiful relationship that is here today. Strengthened by friendship, by trials, by their devotion to one another, Clark and Lex,” He raised his glass, “To your future.” 

 

“Nice speech.” Tony said when Bruce sat back down, “But I swear if that vibrator story ends up on the net I’m spray painting your suit bright pink.”

“And did you have to bring up London?” Clark asked, “I’m trying to repress that memory.”

“At least he didn’t mention the wedding dress.” Lex sighed, “I’ve been dreading that being brought up all day,” He frowned as he saw a couple of the security guards suddenly hurry away and beckoned over their chief, “Everything alright?” He asked. 

“Just some paparazzi trying to get lucky, Mr Luthor.” The security guard replied. 

“Luthor-Kent now.” Lex said proudly, “He’s finally made an honest man of me.”

“About time somebody did!” Tony teased, Clark laugh as Lex stuck his tongue out at Tony. 

“Are you really not going to dance?” Bruce asked leaning forward so he could see Tony down the table, “I was hoping to get one dance with you.”

“I might manage one I suppose, if no one minds me taking my shoes off.” Tony said, they were swollen and aching in the confines of his dress shoes. 

“Go ahead, if anyone minds they can bog off.” Lex said, he then turned to Clark with a seductive look on his face, “I think its time for our first dance isn’t it?” 

Clark flushed and nodded, together the two of them went out onto the dance floor and the band began to play Wherever You Will Go by The Calling. Many people filmed them, Tony included, recording the dance on his phone and the lingering kiss at the end that had everyone clapping before they went up onto the dance floor as the next song began, Love Me Like You Do, by Ellie Goulding. 

“Shall we?” Bruce asked rising to his feet and extending his hand to Tony and helped him to rise from the chair and led him out onto the dance floor. With the bump in the way they couldn’t get very close together but were able to dance a slow dance well enough, but Tony was more than grateful to sit again and just be a spectator, watching as others danced. 

Lex and Bruce made a graceful couple, as did Martha and Alfred, Clark and Lois were hopeless but Natasha stole the day, dancing with Lex and proving them both the best dancers out of everyone. 

The wedding cake was cut later into the evening as the band finished and simple disco music and DJ replaced them, the buffet and the cocktail bar were continuing but the champagne was all but drunk by the time the plates were being taken away and the final photos taken. 

Clark swept Lex up into his arms to carry him to bed to the sound of peals of laughter and clapping, taking his new husband to the bridal suite for their wedding night together. 

“I think I’m going to call it a night too.” Tony said, hauling himself up from his chair. 

“I’ll walk you to your room.” Bruce said offering him his arm and slapped the back of Jason’s head as he scoffed at their attempt to be subtle. 

“Will we be seeing you before breakfast Master B, or should we just say goodnight now?” Alfred asked. 

Bruce gave him a tight smile, “Goodnight Alfred.” He said, ignoring his Sons laughter and holding his head high despite the blush on his cheeks, honestly, couldn’t he be allowed at least a little dignity?


	33. Chapter 33

Clark was always awake before Lex, his body didn’t require as much sleep as a human did and Lex was not a morning person, he preferred to lay in bed as long as possible before he had to get up, something that would prove interesting once the babies came along. 

Right now, as they enjoyed the honeymoon suite before they went on their actual honeymoon, Lex was making the most of the chance to have lay ins, he was sprawled across the bed, the sheets sliding down his hips leaving his back bare and deliciously vulnerable. 

Clark ran his fingertips down the smooth expanse of pale skin, featherlight touches that teased Lex’s flesh, bringing hairless goose bumps up and making Lex twitch and murmur into the pillow he had his face buried into. 

Grinning, Clark bent over him and began to trail kisses up Lex’s spine, letting the stubble from his unshaven face rub against Lex’s skin. 

“Stop!” Lex moaned batting at Clark weakly, with laughter in his voice.

“Why?” Clark asked, resting his chin on Lex’s shoulder blade.

“Wanna sleep.”

“No you don’t, you’ve slept enough, its time to wake up.” Clark ran his tongue up to back of Lex’s neck and nibbled the skin making Lex squirm, he put up a futile and pitiful effort to bat Clark away but pretty much let his husband roll him over so he was on his back and looking up into Clark’s smiling face. 

“I expect to be allowed to sleep in at least once while we’re on honeymoon.” He said tapping Clark’s broad chest, “You might now, but I need my beauty sleep.” 

“Really? I thought sex could replace sleep!” 

Lex looked thoughtful, “I don’t think there has been any studies on it, but I’d be keen to take the time to do one myself.” He giggled as Clark’s eyes lit up, 

“Let the studying begin!”

 

*****

 

One week later.

 

Avengers Tower.

 

While Lex and Clark were enjoying their honeymoon, the Avengers and Justice League were covering Metropolis for them, keeping an eye on the local criminal gangs and self-proclaimed super-villains, which for once, since Joker’s last attack, seemed to be taking a vacation themselves. There was still crime of course, but only the run of the mill theft, pick pockets, and such, no one planning the mass destruction of cities or anything. 

Steve was especially grateful for this as he could finally bring Bucky home. 

After weeks of being in the Shield base under the care of psychiatrists, Bucky was deemed fit for release to the Avengers Tower. He wasn’t yet to go outside on his own, he was to have someone accompany him, mostly so he wouldn’t get overwhelmed, and if he did start to panic then they could get him home quickly. Depending on how well he adjusted this could last for as little as three months, possibly less. 

Bucky stared with an almost childlike amazement at Stark Towers, or Avengers Tower as it was now being called, the high tech, polished crome and glass tower that stretched up to the sky. 

“Remember when we were kids, we bunked off school to go and watch them building the Empire State?” Steve asked, following Bucky’s gaze to the penthouse and the landing pad. 

“Vaguely.” Bucky replied. 

“Ever think that we’d end up living in a place like that?” Steve elbowed Bucky’s ribs and the other man scoffed at him. 

“Back when we were living in those tenements? You’re kidding aren’t you punk?” 

Steve grinned and wrapped his arm about Bucky’s shoulders, leading him into the tower, he had already explained about Jarvis so Bucky wasn’t too alarmed by the AI, but he should have probably pre-warned Bucky about Tony, or rather about Tony’s “Nesting” which had kicked in a few days ago and had him cleaning everything in sight. 

For a man who had barely even known what a duster was for, he certainly made a valiant effort at cleaning everything, before he got annoyed with the roombas whom he felt weren’t efficient enough and took them to the lab to “Upgrade them” 

This was why when Steve and Bucky stepped out of the lift they were greeted with, “Exterminate, exterminate!” 

Bucky yelped and leaped to the back of the lift as if he were under attack, Steve rolled his eyes and swiped at the over large dust sucker, that swiped back at him menacingly with its robotic arms and shone a blue light at him from an eyestalk in the centre of its body. 

“Enemy of the Roombek empire, you will be exterminated!” 

“What is it?” Bucky cried,

“Tony’s pet.” Steve sighed, shooing the Dalek/Roomba roombek away, “Ignore it, its harmless.” 

Bucky looked uncertain and kept side eyeing the Roombek as it made its way about the penthouse, threatening to exterminate everything it met, including its creator as he came out of the kitchen, a plate of onion rings smothered in sour cream and chives in one hand and a cup of spiced apple cider in the other. 

“Go on Davros Junior, go and find some dust bunnies to exterminate.” Tony encouraged it, he brightened when he saw Steve and a still uncertain Bucky by the lift. “Oh hey, you finally brought him, welcome to the Avengers Tower Sergeant Barnes, as I’m sure you are aware, I’m the resident genius…”

“Resident lunatic who makes derange machines.” Steve muttered, jumping back as Tony stomped on his toes in retaliation, he might not be able to do much physically, but he could put the extra weight to use sometimes like crushing peoples feet. 

It probably didn’t help the situation when Clint decided to stick his head out of the vents, cobwebs hanging off his ears and covering his hair. 

“If you need to hide from the Dalek come in here.” He told Bucky before disappearing again.

“Ignore this slanderous ignoramus who barely knows how to work a DVR,” Tony said dismissing Steve completely, and then looked up at the vents, “Get your feathered ass out of my vents or I’ll flush them with liquid nitro!” He yelled after Clint, sighing and taking a sip of tea he turned back to Bucky, “Once you are settled in, I’ll take you down to my lab and we’ll get you fitted for a new arm, one to replace that Hydra trash. You’ll can totally decide on the paint job, or if you went a polymer flesh coating, and I’m even thinking about detachable and interchangeable hands.”

Bucky relaxed just slightly, he was still tense, his muscles still coiled ready to bolt or to fight if needs be, but his shoulders slid back just ever so slightly as he listened to Tony’s babble. The scent of a expectant Omega helped him as much as Tony’s easy way of dealing with him. A pregnant Omega was no threat, it soothed and calmed him, and Tony’s playful insults of Steve and rapid fire babble amused him enough to take the edge off his fear. 

“Detachable and interchangeable hands?” Steve dubiously asked, “What would he want that for?” 

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at Steve like he was the stupidest person to ever walk the face of the earth. 

“Duh an electric tooth brush, an electric razor, a drill, a whisk, and for some personal time, a dildo!” 

While Steve turned crimson Bucky actually snorted out a laugh, “You could do that?”

“What honey? Make you a dildo? Sure, I can customize it too, any size, shape, colour, thrust capability…” He was cut off as Steve clamped a hand firmly over his mouth. 

“That’s enough filthy talk from the expectant Omega.” 

“He could make you one that’s star spangled so you can technically be raising the flag pole every night!” Clints disembodied voice called from the vents.

“You’re on washing up duty for a month!” Steve bellowed at the archer and yelped ay Tony bit his hand and crushed his toes again, “Dear God you are vicious.”

“Screw you.” Tony said, brightening as the lift pinged and Peter appeared. “Underoos, ready for our science party?” 

“Totally Mr Star…. I mean Tony.” Peter paused, did a double take and his eyes suddenly became huge as he stared at Bucky, “Dude!” he exclaimed, “You have a metal arm, that is so cool, can I touch it?” 

Bucky looked at Peter, then to Steve and Tony, then back to Peter, “Is this an asylum and no one bothered to tell me?” 

“No, it’s a childrens day care for mentally and emotionally defective.” Natasha said as she appeared with her usual terrifying silence, seeming to seeping out of the shadows as if she were a part of them. 

“Hey, bite me bitch.” Tony said and leered at her, “You can’t hurt me, I’m pregnant.” 

Natasha rose an unimpressed eyebrow, “How long are you going to be hiding behind that?” 

“For as long as it works.” Tony said. 

“I’m not mentally or emotionally defective.” Clint informed everyone from the vents, “Just challenged.” 

“Yeah, like we don’t know that?” Tony snorted, squarking in outrage as Clint opened a vent, leaned down, grabbed a handful of onion rings and disappeared again before he could do anything about it. “That’s it feather head, I’m filling all your arrows with pink glitter and spray painting your quiver bright pink.”

Clint’s hooting laughter could be heard echoing from the vents. Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, why had he brought Bucky in when they were all awake? Did he forget that he lived with deranged people? 

“C’mon kid, lets go work on your suit.” Tony said, guiding Peter away before he could start to paw at Bucky’s arm, “And lemme know about the different hand attachments.” He called over his shoulder to Bucky. 

Steve grit his teeth as Clint began to whistle Star Spangled Man, and Natasha just rolled her eyes and headed for the kitchen. 

Bucky gave him an amused look, “I thought this place was supposed to help my sanity?” 

Steve shrugged and gave up, honestly, it wasn’t like things could get much worse. 

 

*****

 

Sokovia.

 

Pietro Maximoff sped about the containment cell at blinding speed, his body becoming a blur of colour he was moving so fast, outside scientists watched and recorded the data they were collecting from him and recording it onto tablets. 

In a cell next door his twin sister Wanda telekinetically spun blocks in the air surrounded by red mist, she twisted and turned them spinning them faster and faster until suddenly she crushed them completely. 

“They are responding perfectly.” A doctor said to Strucker, “They will be great advantages in our war.”

Baron Von Strucker eyed Wanda thoughtfully, “She has telekinetic abilities?”

“And telepathic, and the red energy as you can see.”

“Telepathic. What could she do with that, read minds, plant suggestions into minds, tear minds apart?” 

The Doctor sputtered, “I don’t know.” 

Strucker nodded, “Get her people to practise on so we can find out.”


	34. Chapter 34

“Here it is, here it is. Gather around ladies, and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the most epic fight in the history if man, and Alien Kind.” 

Clint spoke into the camera he was holding sounding like ring master at a circus. 

“On the right we have at 6ft 4inch tall and weighing in at 250lb, the Last Son of Krypton, Kal-El.” Clint moved the camera so it rested on Clark in his Superman uniform, “Capable of supersonic speed, flight, immeasurable strength, X-ray vision, frost breath, and laser beams, he is the most power being on the planet.” Clint waited for a moment to get a dramatic effect, “Or is he?” 

The Camera swung around again, “On the left, weighing in at a colossal 1400lb, and measuring a staggering 7ft 6inches tall, is the Incredible Hulk!” As Clint moved the camera onto Hulk the behemoth gave a triumphant roar. “Hulk has impenetrable skin, immeasurable strength and endurance, and can jump 400 metres. He is the challenger for most Powerful being on the planet.” Clint aimed the camera at Hulk, “Big guy, what do you say?”

“Hulk strongest, Hulk smash puny space boy!”

Pre-recorded cheers were played before Clint aimed the camera at Clark, “Kal-El, anything to say?” 

Kal-El smiled, struggling not to laugh, “The bigger they are the harder I knock them down!” 

Pre-recorded oohs and aaahs followed. 

“Alright, challenge has been given and excepted. Both parties know the rules and have already lasered them and eaten them, the only rule here is, there are no rules! This is immortal combat, survival of the fittest, strongest, and most badass ass kicker, may the toughest mother-fucker win!” 

Clint sounded and air horn and backed away, giving Clark and Hulk space to fight. Thankfully, while not the brightest bulb, Clint did have enough sense to realize that a fight between these two would be both epic and devastating if it occurred in a populated area. So Clark had flown him and Banner out to wide open space in Utah where the nearest population and buildings were thirty miles away, of course the Hulk being smacked around did tend to leave large dents in the ground, but in the middle of nowhere Clint was willing to bet that no one would even notice or care. 

He continued to give commentary are Clark and Hulk fought, their bodies slamming together sounding like thunder, the ground actually shaking when one of them was thrown down, and when Clark flew Hulk up into the air and then super-sonic dove down into the ground it was like an earthquake had hit, and an impressively deep impact crater was left, Clark laser beaming Hulk’s feet making him hop about was funny, but it didn’t do much but piss the big guy off, which Clark discovered when he was grabbed by his feet and given the Loki treatment which Hulk completed by leaping up and jumping down on top of Clark!

Clark retaliated by icing Hulks fists which the Hulk then used to smack him in the face with sending shards of ice every which way, he swing a fist at Clark which Clark caught, lifted Hulk up over his head and slammed him down onto his back making the ground tremble at the force of the impact. 

Hulk bellow in fury, leaped up and ran head first into Clark sending them both flying across the land and smashing into the side of the canyon they were in, leaving a newly formed cave the depth of the impact was so deep, Clark thrust Hulk away from him and hovered in the air for a moment before flying back down onto Hulk trying to drive him back. Hulk dug in his heels and the two grappled, neither giving an inch as they struggled against each-others incredible strength. 

“And we are in to the final ten seconds, if either falters then the winner will be declared. Eight seconds now, seven, six, five, four, three, two, One, and we have a tie!” 

Clint sounded the horn again and Clark and Hulk broke apart panting. 

“Now we must get our contestants feelings, Hulk, how do you feel about this?” 

“Could’a smashed ‘im.” 

“And Kal-El?” 

“I didn’t want to hurt the big guy, too much.” 

“And there you have it, the two most powerful beings on the planet in a death match where neither lost or won. Who will be next?” 

 

*****

 

Clint yelped as Natasha’s hand slapped him upside the head, followed by Steve’s and Sam’s snort of laughter didn’t help. 

“You are an idiot, Barton.” Natasha said. 

The video of Hulk VS Superman had of course on viral, it had even made global news coverage, with people speculating on the fighting styles, if one had been holding back, if the fight had been allowed to continue who would have won in the end. 

#Hulksmash! and #Superfightclub! Were trending on twitter, people were even selling T-Shirts with images of Superman and Hulk fighting printed on the front. 

The Avengers and Justice League were split over their reactions to Clint’s idea of the epic fight. 

Clark was once again sleeping on the sofa which showed what Lex thought of it, Barry was begging Clark to race him to see who was fastest. Diana called them children, Bruce was seething over the stupidity, his boys thought it was hilarious. Arthur had just snorted and rolled his eyes, Victor said he could have done better filming.   
Oliver wanted to do an archery challenge with Clint and Dick.   
Natasha was not amused but not surprised either, she knew Clint too well and was used to his behaviour. Sam and Tony thought it was funny and were secretly (Not secretly) planning future fights between the team members, and may or may not have been encouraging Peter to join in.  
Thor was demanding to get to challenge Kal-El himself, certain that he would defeat the Kryptonian.   
Steve was shocked and embarrassed.   
Bucky just gave Steve a pointed look and reminded him that they lived in a lunatic asylum surrounded by deranged people. 

“How did this slaboumnyy talk you into this?” Natasha asked as rather sheepish Banner, (Imbecile)

“He thought it would be good for Hulk’s Public image, and he promised to stop trying to jump scare me by leaping out of the vents in my lab.” Banner replied. 

“See, everyone is a winner.” Clint said and was promptly slapped again. 

Bucky eyed a pained looking Steve, “Whats eatin’ ya Punk?” he asked.

“This is.” Steve sighed gesturing to the fight that was playing on the tablet, “We’re trying to convince the world that we are a trustworthy and responsible group of individuals, that we are capable of defending and protecting the planet, and this… brawl, what does that show us as?” 

“There is a problem in your logic, Steve.” Natasha said, “If we were to be responsible we should never have included Barton in the line up, he has the mental age of a barely functional eight-year-old.” 

“Hey, I resent that!” Clint cried, yelping as he was slapped again. 

“You’ll give him brain damage if you keep slapping his head.” Banner commented. 

Natasha gave the Doctor a pitying look, “As if there is anything in his skull to damage.” 

“You are vicious.” Clint said, his phone beeped and he took it from his jeans, “Damn, Queen is really desperate for an archery contest.”

“Queen is just desperate period.” Tony dryly remarked coming into the kitchen. 

“I could still best the Son of Krypton.” Thor said, “I have Mjolnir, I can summon the storm, I would be a worthy opponent.” Steve made a groaning noise and pinched the bridge of his nose, no doubt about to try and explain to Thor again, why the fights were a bad idea, he was beaten to the punch by Tony putting in that people were more inclined the line him up against Diana or Arthur.

“Hmm, twould be a most interesting combat, the Daughter of Zeus is a formidable warrior, and while I know little of Atlanteans, I have heard tales of their fighting prowess and abilities.” 

“No, no, absolutely not.” Steve stated, “Bruce is already bursting a blood vessel, Lex has threatened to scalp Clint, Clark is sleeping on the sofa again, another superhero fight is not what we need.”

Suddenly Jarvis’ alert systems started blaring as a dozen doombots smashed their way into the tower, their master’s voice coming over the speakers. 

“Only Doom is mightiest on this planet, only Doom shall prevail, all those who threaten Doom and his empire shall be eliminated.”

Amid the shattered glass, fragments of metal, sparking electrical wires, and debris Natasha shot Clint a pointed look, “Would you look at what you’ve started?” 

 

*****

 

Metropolis.

Lexcorp penthouse

 

Lex was wonderful in lots of way, brilliant, intelligent, sharp witted, protective, generous, and talented. However, his ability to hold a grudge or stay pissed was a downside.   
Hence Clark becoming familiar with the couch again. Damn, that thing was going to get a permanent indentation from his body if this continued. 

“I didn’t realize the video would be so popular.” He offered Lex who just glared in the ice cold way of his, it was a remarkable ability, how he could seemingly make things freeze with his eyes.   
“No one got hurt.” Clark tried again.

“No, they are just organizing day trips to the site you and Hulk fought on. Calling it Hulk Crater and Kal-el Cavern.” 

Clark winced, yeah, maybe he should have thought twice about this. “It was just a bit of fun.” He said reaching out to take Lex’s hand, Lex let him and sighed. 

“I know babe, but some people, some influential and powerful people aren’t seeing it that way. People like Secretary Ross and Senator Stern. They are declaring you and Hulk a menace to society, a danger to everyone, they say all super-powered people are, that we are an accident waiting to happen. Now, while this video is going down well with the public for its comic value, it could be used as proof that you and Hulk are not responsible with your powers, that you are wilful and negligent of the very real danger your abilities pose.”

Clark scowled, “We were thirty miles from anyone, it was the middle of nowhere.”

“And it will only take one accident in the line of duty, one misfire, one smashed house or building, one angry person to point the finger of blame and this “Friendly match” will be used as evidence against you.” Lex countered, “Lawyers would rip this apart it court, twist it to make you look like a loose cannon a danger to humanity. Ross has had a smear campaign on Banner for years. Fortunately he and Stern are generally despised so few people listen to them, but, that could change.” Lex paused and ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyes and cupped his neck in his hands. 

“You need to be careful, Babe. Right now the people love you, but, you are in the media, you know how fast that can change. I don’t want you to become a figure of fear or hatred. I don’t want you to have to go into hiding, I don’t…” His voice cracked and he swallowed hard, fighting back the emotion welling up inside of him, “I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered, gazing at Clark now, with tears shining in his eyes. “I can’t lose you Clark, I need you, you are my everything, without you then I know I will descend in darkness, into a dark pit of madness, because I’m not strong enough to be on my own!” 

Clark swiftly rounded the counter and pulled Lex into his arms, “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.” He promised, “And you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“I’m only strong because I have you.” Lex murmured, he sniffed and looked up at Clark, tears shining in his eyes, “You make me strong, you make me hopeful of the future, and I need you to be with me for that future, for our family. Our babies are going to need you just as much as I do, so you have got to be there Clark.”

Clark nodded, he cupped Lex’s hands in his own and raised them to his lips, kissing them, “I will be, I promise. Nothing, no God, Alien, Meteor-freak, Hybrid, mutant, or super-villain is ever going to take me away from you and our children.” 

The words were hardly out of his mouth before a deafening boom sounded and glass on one side of the penthouse shattered, as outside, Doombots descended on Metropolis.

“Kal-El of Krypton, you shall come out and face your better.” Dr Doom’s voice echoed over the city, “Only Doom shall prevail, Doom is greatest, Doom shall destroy you.” 

Lex sighed and shot Clark a half-hearted glare, “You totally jinxed us.”


End file.
